Queen of the East
by Noa-Pearl
Summary: He had been a fresh air running through her life and without him, her life felt dull and suffocating again. / Lily and Rufus meet in the nineties and fall madly in love. What will happen to them along the way? - Rated T in the first chapters, turning M-rated later on.
1. Prologue

_Summary: The history of Lily & Rufus. Lily and Rufus meet in LA by coincidence. Will faith bring them together again?  
Note: Okay, so I'm probably the last mid-twentier who hasn't seen the Gossip Girl show in it's entirety… I remember watching season one, then totally forgetting about it's existence. Until, about 3 days ago, when I noticed it on Netflix and I was bored and felt the urge to watch it. I. Was. Hooked. Like, instantly, watching season one in three days despite having to work every day as well. Yes, I don't know how I did that either. Were I remember being a huge Serena fan back in the day, I kinda had to admit to myself that I totally found myself loving Lily and Rufus. Like. For real. I decided to start writing about their past, because, well, I figured it'd be fun. If there are any errors occuring because I haven't been watching the entire show and miss out on details; sorry 'bout that. Let's just say this is written with only the first season in mind. Thanks for reading this note which has gotten way too long, and, well, I hope you enjoy.  
_

 **Queen of the East**

 ** _Prologue_**

Lily Rhodes was never the one to admit she was feeling at least a bit insecure about what she was doing. Being in a LA nightclub at seventeen though definitely did make her feel quite self concious, not that she would ever admit to it. The place was quite fab. It was luxurious, but not in the stif, obnoxious way she was used to from back home. This was luxury, mixed with just a hint of sexual details the made the place feel extremely…. Hot? In a good way, of course.

Lily gladly accepted the Cosmopolitan her new-found friend Kirsten handed her.

"Cheers! To you, to me, to us…" Kirsten ended her sentence with a big smile before taking a gulp of her drink. Lily did the same. God, she already felt like dancing, and she hadn't even finished her first drink.

It took Lily and Kirsten less then an hour to completely forget their surrounding and thourouhly enjoy themselves. They were dancing like there was no tomorrow, and Lily was aware of the amount of men staring at them. She didn't really care though. She didn't want to feel cocky, but this happened a lot. Her and Kirsten were complete opposites; she was blonde, tall, slim, with the longest legs ever and her dark brown eyes. Kirsten was a brunette, petite, with the brightest blue eyes in the world. They were both gorgeous. Lily wasn't really trying to find herself a man though. Quite frankly, she ws quite tired of men. They somehow always made her feel as if she was nothing more then a good piece of meat that needed to be eaten. Lily simply wanted someone who loved her, but that seemed hard to find those days. Kirsten however seemed hungry that night; she'd been eyeing a tall, blonde and handsome guy for a while know. He'd seem to take the bait though, as he was coming over to them at the very moment. Luckily, Lily had always been good in entertaining herself. Besides, dancing was something she could do on her own perfectly fine as well.

Three hours and a good amount on drinks later though, Lily had had enough of dancing on her own. Kirsten had been in the arms of the blonde guy pretty much ever since she'd met him. His name was Jim… Or James. Lily had already forgotten about that. She tried to find her friend, telling her she was leaving, but Kirsten was no were in sight. Lily sighed; they always had this thing where they would never, never leave without telling the other. Perhaps the amount of cosmo's had blurred Kirsten's mind a little. A little irritated, Lily walked out of the club, annoyed about the fact that she now had to walk her way home all alone.

"Hey… Hey!" Lily wasn't sure if the shouting behind her was meant for her, but she decided to ignore it. Men usually weren't to bright anymore this hour of the night.

The footsteps behind her started getting faster though, and although Lily wasn't easily scared, she had to admit she hated that her heels prevented her from walking a bit faster.

"Hey!" When someone grabbed her arm though, she was quick to respond. "Keep your hands off of me." She turned around, ready to hit the person the hand was attached to.

"Wow wow, easy…" The guy kept his hands above his head, a small smile forming on his face. "I didn't mean to scare you. I just… I don't think it's smart for a pretty blonde to walk here on her own at this hour."

Lily raised her eyebrow. "Oh, and you want to be the hero that gets me home safe?"

"Well, if you'd let me…"

Lily looked at the guy for a second. He was handsome; dark hair, dark eyes, leather jacket… But still. "I'm sorry, but I don't think a flat out drunk guy would be able to protect me if anything happened. I think I'll be able to handle things just fine but thanks."

She turned around and was about to continue when she heard him say: "I'm not drunk. I'm actually very sober."

Lily turned around again, eyeing him suspiciously. "Who on earth is sober at this time?"

He chuckled. "I was performing, I just finished a couple of minutes ago. No need to drink before that."

"What are you, a stripper?"

He again chuckled. "Well no, but thank you very much for the compliment. I'm a singer, actually. I'm in a band."

"Oh, really? What is your name?"

"Rufus. Rufus Humphrey."


	2. Angeleyes

_Note: So, since I'm a nice person I decided to post the first chapter immediately as well. Please enjoy :) x._

 ** _Chapter 1: Angeleyes_**

 ** _2nd of May, 1987_**

Lily couldn't believe it. Was she actually in some dark, scrufty cafe to watch a guy she'd met a few hours before perform? This place was disgusting… And they didn't even serve any wine. Or vodka. Just beer. She couldn't get herself to leave though. The guy she had met the night before kind of caught her attention. Their conversation had lasted a minute or twenty after they had met. He'd told her some small things about himself. He was actually from Brooklyn, but now touring around with his band to see if they were able to make it. Lincoln Hawk they were called. Lily had been intrigued bye his enthusiasm and his drive to do something he was passionate about.

That was actually why she found herself where she was now. All alone, in a place packed with an actual good amount of people. Apparently, Lincoln Hawk had themselves some fans.

The moment Rufus hit the small stage, Lily looked and smiled. He looked good. He welcomed the crowd before playing the first song, a up-tempo rock song. His voice surprised her; he was good. She could tell he was scanning the crowd. Lily wondered if he was looking for her. She had to admit she'd been hiding herself a little bit; close to the bar, a decent distance of the stage. His eyes found her though, and they looked right at each other. He smiled. Yes, he indeed had been looking for her.

Lily smiled and bit her lip. He was hot, singing and moving on that stage. Freakin' hot. She was still staring at him as the first song ended, eager to find out what else Lincoln Hawk had on their sleeves.

Rufus looked at his band members, who all nodded before he grabbed another guitar. He reajusted the microphone in front of him and said: "Hi all, thanks for coming out tonight. This next song is one of my personal favorites, decided to go all out and do an acoustic version tonight. This is _Angeleyes_."

He took a last glance at Lily before he started playing the guitar. Lily was surprised; an acoustic song. She looked at him, an intense feeling of pleasure and respect running through her veins as Rufus started singing.

 _I was never looking, never searching  
Always feeling pleasure without._

But the night you came walking bye,  
I felt my life had been so empty without.

 _The way you walked, the way you moved,  
_ _those long legs rockin' those cowboy boots._

 _It all looked perfect, it all looked fine,  
but it were those angeleyes, that made you rock that world of mine._

Lily knew he hadn't written that song for her. They had met about eight hours ago. And good God, she really wasn't the type for cowboy boots. And how cheesy were those lyrics? But he kept staring right into her eyes as he was singing. As if he was singing for her only. It gave her this odd, burning desire that she really never had experienced before.

The show lasted for another hour, which Lily had found herself to be very enjoyable. Now that it had ended though, she wasn't sure about what to do. Was she supposed to go find him? Was he supposed to go find her? She was having another beer while debating what should be the right thing to do. She turned herself again so she could face the bartender, who seemed completely taken in with this Pamela Anderson look-a-like.

"You enjoyed the show?"

Lily recognized his voice immediately and smiled a she twirled around. "Hey, you. You really are a singer, aren't you?"

Rufus chuckled. "Yeah, I told you…"

Lily smiled. "You were good. I enjoyed it."

He touched her shoulder lightly as he motioned for the bartender to give him a drink. "Thanks, I'm glad to hear that."

They stood together in silence for a bit, both leaning against the bar.

"So…" Lily looked to her right, seeing Rufus staring somewhere into space. "Why did you invite me?" She looked at him, a twinkle in her eyes as she waited for his reply.

"Well," he said as he turned around to face her, "If I remember correctly you were the one telling me I probably was a school band singer who had probably failed miserably in singing and now kept playing a show every now and then for a group of ten. I wanted to prove you wrong."

Lily smiled. "Sorry about that. I take back everything I said. You guys were good."

"Thanks."

"So you just wanted to prove your point then" Lily moved herself a bit closer to him. She was intrigued with this guy.

Rufus looked at her, his eyes constantly holding hers locked as he said: "I have to admit I figured it was a good reason to invite you… And see you again."

Lily licked her lips. Ha, score. So he was interested in her as well. She looked around the place. There were so many better places she could think of to be with him right now. "So… Do you feel like having drinks some other place? A bit more quiet, a bit less… Beer, perhaps?"

Rufus looked at the blonde next to him. God, she was pretty. A bit up his league, perhaps. But that was quite the challenge as well. He was about to agree with her when he felt a pair of hands covering his eyes. "Guess who…."

Rufus cursed on the inside. Timing was horrible. He grabbed the hands and removed him from his eyes as he turned, facing a brunette with a big smile on her lips. "I'm so sorry I missed your show, I just couldn't get away sooner." The girl hugged him, completely oblivious to the blonde that was sitting next to Rufus.

Lily, on the other hand, wasn't oblivious to the events happening and got annoyed. Serious? Had he really only invited her because this other girl wasn't able to see him perform? And had she really fallen fort hat? She sighed and grabbed her purse, as the brunette kept clinging onto Rufus as she was a koala.

"Lily, wait!"

"Who is Lily?"

The brunette let go of Rufus, noticing the blonde standing in front of them with her eyebrows raised.

"Lily is leaving," Lily said with annoyance.

"Lily, don't, just… Let me explain?" Rufus tried to untangle himself from the brunette as he watched Lily walk away. Did he really screw this up?


	3. Emerald

_Note: I was super happy to have at least one enthusiastic reviewer, thanks a lot. Makes me happy to know this story is read :) , I honestly wasn't even expecting too much readers so having a review honestly made me smile. Hope you, and all others of course, enjoy this chapter as well! x._

 ** _Chapter 2: Emerald_**

 **1st of September, 1987**

"Lily, you're ready?"

"Give me a second!"

Lily came rushing down the stairs, still trying to stick in one of her earrings. What happened to the cool, collected days were she was always ready in time? She knew her mother would be displeased to see her rushing. "Rushing was no such thing for a lady to do," her mother had once told her.

"Lily, what did I tell you…" CeCe looked at her daughter with displeasure. "I told you to wear the red one, not this… Other, one."

Lily huffed. "Well, I know mother, but I like this color on me. Emerald suits me."

CeCe checked her watch and sighed. "Since we don't have time for you to change I guess this will do for the night. Come on, the limo is waiting." CeCe pushed a black purse in Lily's hands before dragging her with her to the limo.

God, this was going to be a long, long night… CeCe would be the guest of honor on a party celebrating the launch of a new clothing range from one of the Upper East Side's best designers. Well, according to her mother at least it was. Lily really wasn't too excited about the entire thing. Yes, she used to love these kind of events. All class, all style… Ever since she'd broken lose and left New York to find her luck on the other side of the country, it just all felt so empty and fake. Yes, this was going to be a long evening, filled with shaking hands and smiling fake smiles.

* * *

"Lilian! You're back from the West coast again?" One of her mother's friends came approaching her with a huge smile plastered to her face. She had definitely been doing some botox while Lily had been gone.

Lily smiled her fake smile. "Well, only for a little while, miss Blake."

"Well it's good to see you again, I'd like to introduce you to someone." Miss Blake scanned the room. "You wait here, will you? I'll be right back."

Lily nodded, but the moment the woman was out of sight, she quickly walked out of the room. Another attempt to match her up with some rich Upper East side kid had been avoided. For now, at least. She walked in the direction of the stairs of the building, knowing she'd been able to get on to the roof and sit on her own for a while. Smoke a cigarrete. Or two. These party's really weren't what they used to be… Or perhaps she had just changed too much. Maybe they just weren't right for her anymore.

She was eagerly looking for her cigarettes and really not that busy looking at her surroundings, which was the exact reason that got her bumping into someone.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry, I really wasn't looking…"

Lily looked up and was surprised to find a pair of familiar brown eyes looking at her. Her heart started beating faster. "Rufus… What.. What are you doing here?"

"Lily?" Rufus was still holding her hand, a fine smile of both shock and delight forming on his lips. He was looking so good in a suit… Lily really couldn't deal with it. How was it that this guy was having such a hold on her? She hadn't seen him for months.

She was about to utter some words that probably wouldn't make to much sense anyway when another blonde appeared next to Rufus' side. He let go of Lily's hand immediately. She missed his warmth instantly.

"Rufus.. What are you doing?" Lily looked at the blonde, who was, in all honesty, quite pretty. Tanned skin, a pretty freckled face… A Californian bombshell.

"This, this is Lily. We eh…"

Lily interrupted him as she extended her hand to the blonde. "Hi. We met in LA when I was living there. Nice to meet you."

"Hi, nice to meet you too. I'm Debra."

That fake smile really came to good use this time. "Hi Debra. So, what are you guys doing here?"

Debra was about to reply, but Rufus quickly spoke up. "Debra's mother is a designer, she lives her. Debra was invited tot his party, wasn't sure if it would be fun on her own.. So she invited me."

Lily nodded. She actually really wasn't that interested in Debra's mother. She was more interested in whether Rufus and Debra were a couple. She hated admitting to herself that she was jealous, and decided it was time to blow off some steam. "Okay, well, I hope you will enjoy your evening. Excuse me, I just have to go somewhere."

She rushed up the stairs, not willing to look back again. Freakin' Rufus. Why was he having such an affect on her?

She'd been on the roof for almost thirty minutes now. Her mother was probably freakin' and looking all over the place for her. The cigarettes tasted too good though. Rufus Humphrey. Rufus freakin' Humphrey. Her mind fluttered back to the last moments they had shared in Los Angeles. She still wasn't sure why it was even possible for a man she had seen only twice had made such an impact on her.

 _"Lily… Lily, wait!"_

 _" Rufus, it's fine. You wanted a woman to look at during your show, your girlfriend couldn't make it, you happened to run into me… It's fine, don't worry about it."_

 _"Lily, wait.." He grabbed her arm, and stopped her from walking away from him._

 _"Rufus, seriously, it's fine, don't bother."_

 _"No, it's not. Listen.. I… I'm not from LA. Me and my band, we're touring around, we're only here for two more days and then we're heading back east. I…. I've never met anyone like you before."_

 _"You do have a girlfriend."_

 _"She's not my girlfriend, Lily. She's just… A friend. A fan of our band."_

 _Lily chuckled. "Even you guys have groupies?"_

 _Rufus shrugged. "Lily… I know I'm probably never going to see you again. But you're elegant, beautiful… I'm glad I ran into you last night. And… I really, really can not leave you without doing this."_

 _He didn't even give her time to rethink his words as he let his lips crash down on hers. Gently, but passionate. His two day beard gently rubbed against her skin as their tongues started dueling._

"Fucking Rufus," Lily murmured to herself. She flinched her cigarette away, to no place in particular, before she decided it was time to head down. Why was Rufus even here? Yeah yeah, for Debra, blablabla… She couldn't imagine him feeling comfortable in these surroundings. It really didn't seem his style… But perhaps it ws. After all, they had only shared a couple of hours together. Lily hated to admit it, but perhaps she had given Rufus a bit too much credit. Perhaps her own mind had made him into this intresting, different, intriguing person. But maybe he was just like one of the many men she had already met before.

Lily made her way down the stair with displeasure, not too excited to find herself back there. She hoped she wouldn't run into Rufus. Well, that actually was a lie. She did want to see him. Just not with the girl by his side. The moment she walked back into the room were the party was taking place though, she spotted Rufus and Debra . Talking, laughing, touching… God, she was annoyed. She grabbed a glass of champagne from one of the waiters' plates and quickly drank it up. She had to find herself some company as well.

She eyed the people in the room. She noticed Bart Bass standing not too far away from her. He was so cocky though, she knew she wouldn't be able to talk to the guy for more then five minutes. A couple of feet away she saw a good looking blonde guy. She had never seen him before, something that was quite exceptional on these kind of events. Perhaps he was a good candidate. Lily was aboute to make her way over to the guy when a firm hand dragged her away.

"What have you been doing? For Christ's sake, Lily, you can't just attend one of these events and just disappear whenever you feel like it." Her mother seemed tense and angry, and Lily sighed. "I'm sorry, mother. I just, I don't really feel comfortable here."

"I don't understand the problem, dear. Tons of people for you to talk to."

"Yeah, well, maybe I don't want to talk to them."

"Lilian!" Her mother gave her a look of disapproval.

The lights were getting less bright and both Lily and CeCe knew it was time for CeCe to be awarded and honored for all her help.

"I'll keep my eyes on you, Lily. Behave." After one last look of dissaprovement, CeCe walked away. Lily rolled her eyes as she watched Deandra Leftwood approach the stage. She was wondering how long exactly this speech was going to take. The moment Deandra started speaking, someone grabbed her hand and pulled her away into the hallway.

Lily was about to yell when she heard a familiar voice. "Hey, sorry 'bout that. I just wanted us to have some privacy."

"Rufus.. Hey."

Rufus wasn't sure where to start. He had actually been on the look out for Lily ever since they had run into each other. Timing was odd, to see the least. The fact that they were in the same place was even more odd. It probably wasn't very neat of him to leave his date on her own to see another woman, but he really couldn't help himself.

"Lily.. I, I am so surprised to see you here…"

She chuckled. "Yeah, well, me too…"

He took a step closer, inhaling her perfume. It was the same she had worn the night they had met; a heavy, vanilla based scent. It suited her perfectly fine.

"I can't even tell you how glad I am to see you. I… I never expected to see you again." He looked at her, realizing how beautiful she looked. Her hair was curled slightly, reaching just beneath her breasts. The tight emerald dress she was wearing was short, showing her long, perfect legs. Still the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. His hand instinctively came up to touch her cheek and he caressed it lightly. "You look beautiful."

Lily Rhodes didn't blush. She just didn't. Except for when Rufus complimented her, apparently. "Thank you… I… You look good, too. Suits suit you." She winked.

"Thanks. So, what are you doing here?"

Lily shrugged. She looked at him, at the way he was casually leaning against the wall… No, he definitely wasn't like all those other men in the room. She moved herself a bit closer to him, leaning against the same wall as he was as she said: "My mother is the guest of honour tonight… These kind of events are, well, it's just what she does. She attends them, organizes them.. And, well, I have to tag along, unfortunately."

"Well I'm glad she'd got you tagging along tonight."

She bit her lip and smiled. "Yeah… But, you're here with Debra. Is she your girlfriend?"

Rufus chuckled. "No, don't be silly. She's just… A friend."

Lily eyed him suspiciously. She had a feeling he wasn't being completely honest. But perhaps she was being a bit paranoid. "Hmm, okay. Are you in New York for a while?"

Rufus nodded. "Yeah, I'm thinking about staying here for a while again… What about you?"

Lily shrugged. "I'm still deciding…"

They looked at each other without talking for a little while. Lily couldn't help herself and grabbed his hands, just holding it while both were still silent for a little bit. For a moment, they were completely content, just standing close to each other, their hands and fingers entwined, without saying anything.

"Lily.." Rufus looked to his right and stared right into Lily's big brown eyes. "I eh… I have to get back inside. Perhaps you should to…"

She nodded. "Yeah…"

"But... Do you want to meet for coffee tomorrow?"

Lily smiled. "I'd like that. Eleven at Pierre's?"

Rufus chuckled. "I have no idea what Pierre's is, but sure, fine."

Lily smiled and shook her head. "I'm sure you'll be able to find it."

Their hands were still entangled as they slowly made their way back inside. They were about to enter again when Rufus stopped her. "Hey… You honestly have no idea how good it is to see you." He gave Lily the cutest peck on her lips before letting go of her hand and disappearing into the crowd.


	4. Two Blondes

_Note: Hi guys! I've been free from work today and yesterday, and honestly, words for this story have just been coming out of, well, basically everywhere. So, I figured I'd upload another chapter. Thanks so much again for those who left a review, I appreciate it a lot, and also thanks for those who just put up an story alert! I appreciate it a lot. Please enjoy, x._

 **Chapter 3: Two Blondes**

 ** _2nd of September, 1987_**

"Hey beautiful!"

Rufus was late, but Lily forgot about that the moment she heard his voice. He politely kissed her cheek before sitting down next to her on the cosy couch. "This place is cute…"

Lily chuckled. "It is, right? So, what do you want?" She was already getting up, but Rufus beat her to it. "No, no. My treat. What do you want?"

"A latte, please."

Rufus smiled. "One latte, coming right up!" He then moved himself over to the counter, to order and pay for their coffee. Lily smiled. He looked good. He was wearing a pair of washed jeans, sneakers, and dark grey sweater. Nothing special, but still very, very good. It just suited him.

In the mean time, Rufus figured he'd wait for their order. He took a gamble, and decided to order a piece of chocolate cake as well. He was hungry, and besides, if Lily wasn't a chocolate cake kind of girl, he would be slightly disappointed. He loved cake.

Lily was looking pretty today. He hadn't expected anything less from her, but, still. She was wearing a long denim blouse that reached mid-thigh. A small belt prevented it from looking to big and to wide, although Rufus couled tell the blouse was probably from the men's section anyway. Underneath she'd been wearing a pair of knee high boots. Not every girl could pull off a look like that. Lily definitely could though. Her hair was up in a messy ponytail, and she seemed to be wearing no make up. A natural beauty, she was.

He jumped back on the couch a few minutes later, two coffees and a chocolate cake with him. "I do hope you like chocolate cake."

Lily chuckled. "I don't think there's anyone who doesn't like chocolate cake, yum!" She immediately grabbed the fork so she could take a bite. Chocolate cake at Pierre's was perfect.

"So, Lil…" Rufus scooted over a little closer, making sure his leg touched hers. "Your family is Upper East Side, huh?"

"It's Lily." She tried to sound annoyed, but, quite frankly, Rufus calling her Lil actually made it sound nice. "But, well, my mother is. High society, all that crap…"

"You fit in perfectly fine yesterday, though. Judging on looks solely, that is."

Lily smiled. "I guess that's a compliment so thank you."

"It is…. "

It was so strange. Their connection seemed so strong and so natural, yet they actually knew so little about each other.

"So, Rufus… How is your band?"

Lily couldn't help but notice Rufus' cheeks turning a bit rosy. She wondered what that was about. "We've been doing good, actually. We've had some small gigs around the country the last couple of months… And tomorrow will be our first in Brooklyn since we're back."

"Oh really?"

Rufus felt a warm sensation inside. Lily's eyes seemed so bright and so excited for him and his band. It was so sweet.

"Yes… I hate to admit it but I'm so excited. Our first performance in our hometow."

Lily smiled. "Ah, nothing to be ashamed about. That is great! Where are you performing?"

"It's this place called The River Cafe."

Lily nodded. She'd heard about that place before. She was waiting for him to invite her, but since he didn't seem to make that move, she decided to invite herself. "Since you're not asking, I guess I'll go ahead and invite myself to your gig then."

Rufus smiled. "I'd like that. We've been doing some new songs lately, so you'll be in for a surprise."

Lily chuckled. "I can't wait."

"And what about you? What are you doing, besides attending these extremely boring events with your mother?"

Lily nodged him. "Hey, watch your mouth! No, you're right actually. Well… I got back from Cali a couple of weeks ago. I'm still deciding what I want to do… Go back there, stay here… Go to college, don't go to college.. I love this place, I just… I really don't like spending all my time here with my mother."

"Your friends?"

Lily shrugged. "Most of them are off to college… And, well, the people that did stay behind.. I don't know, I just don't feel like I fit in anymore. It's all fake smiles, fake talks.."

Rufus grabbed her hand, stroking it gently with his thumb as he said: "Well, how great it is that you ran into me again then."

Lily chuckled. "Most definitely. And, I'm actually a photographer for one of the local newspapers. It's not really a job, mostly volunteering, but it's nice."

"That sounds like fun! What kind of photographs do you take then?"

"I usually take photographs during concerts… Occassionally I do some portraits, or some outdoor stuff… But, well, the concerts are usually my thing. I get to go tot hem for free, and in exchange I'll shoot some great pictures and sometimes write a couple of lines."

Rufus smiled. "That sounds good. I'd love to see some of your pictures!"

"Yeah… Yeah, I'll show you some next time."

"Is there gonna be a next time?" Rufus wiggled his eyebrows, trying to lighten up his question a little bit. The question was more then a little serious though. He really wanted to see Lily more often.

"Well, I'll be at your show tomorrow, right?"

"I know, but I meant… I just…"

Lily chuckled. "I'm kidding. Yes, I think… I think I'd like to hang out with you more often. You're honestly to only normal person I know around here."

Rufus chuckled. "I beg to differ… " 

**_3d of September, 1987_**

Lily entered The River Cafe around eight that evening. The gig started aroud half past eight, but she wanted to see Rufus before he would begin. The cafe was dark and, well, quite cosy, but not too many people were there. She noticed Rufus on the small stage, checking his guitar while talking and laughing with his band members. She made her way over to the stage, hoping she wouldn't be interrupting him.

"Rufus, hey!"

"Lil!" He smiled, flashing his perfect white teeth, as he took her hand to get her on the stage. Lily hugged him. "Hey."

"I'm so glad you could make it. It's a bit early though.."

Lily nodded. "I know.. I just, I have a surprise for you, and the rest of your band."

The drummer and one of the other guitar players eyed Lily with curiousity and she waved at them. "Hi, I'm Lily."

Rufus didn't give his friends time to reply though, as he said: "A surprise?"

Lily smiled as she opened her bag and took out her camera. "I thought it would be fun to take some pictures tonight… From you guys preparing for the show, playing… I thought, I don't know, maybe it'll be nice? If you don't want to it's perfectly fine as well of course, I just…"

"Hey, don't be silly!" He grabbed her hand. "I think it's a great idea! " He looked at her, wanting despereately to kiss her pretty rosy lips.

Lily was having the best time. Quite frankly, Rufus and his band were very good photographing material. The cafe wasn't fully packed, but there were plenty of people enjoying the show, and from what Lily had been hearing, everyone seemed to agree on the fact that Lincoln Hawk were quite good.

Lily let her camera be for a little while, looking at Rufus as he was about to start a new song. She noticed him scanning the room until his eyes rested at her.

"Hello everybody, thanks again for coming out tonight. We're playing some new songs tonight… This one, I wrote not too long ago. I met a girl, a very special girl, down at the west coast. I eh… You know how sometimes you feel like there's something special with someone, despite only knowing each other for a short time? Well, that's what this is about."

Was he for real? Did he really write a song about her?

Lily felt like she was in some sort of trance, gazing at Rufus while he was singing this beautiful song for her. It felt… Magical. She grabbed her camera and waited for Rufus to look right at her again. The moment he looked right into her camera, she pressed the button. She needed a physical reminder of this moment.

The song was beautiful, and for the rest of the show, Lily was wondering what exactly Rufus meant with it and, even more important, if he was genuinly having feelings for her? She couldn't wait for him to finish, hoping to speak with him the moment he got off stage.

It was during the last song Lincoln Hawk was playing that night that she spotted a familiar face. Blonde, beachy waves, freckled skin… Debra. It hit her like a hammer… Had Rufus been singing that song for Debra? She sighed, and was about to turn away when Debra noticed her. She waved with excitement, and Lily really couldn't do anything but go and see the blonde.

"Lily, hey what a coincidence!" Debra gave her a hug, and Lily tried to smile as if she was excited as well.

"Debra, hey! What are you doing here?"

Debra smiled. "Well, I couldn't let Rufus perform here without me being there, could I? What about you?"

"Ehm.." Lily wasn't sure what to say. Was Debra Rufus' friend, lover…. Yeah, she really wasn't sure and she had to admit she felt fairly uncomfortable. But she wasn't gonna let anyone notice, definitely not Debra.

"I take photographs, for local newspapers… I figured I'd make some shots of Lincoln Hawk. They deserve a spotlight on them, perhaps I could get them in the paper with a couple of pictures…"

Debra applauded. "Oh my god, that is the greatest idea! That would be great!"

Lily nodded. "Yeah…"

The girls kept chatting about, well, pretty much nothing, for a few more minutes until Lincoln Hawk ended their show. 

* * *

Rufus noticed the two pretty blondes talking each other the moment they had seen each other. He wasn't sure if it was good. He hoped neither of the women would say a word about their relationship towards him. Yes, Debra was his friend. But, in all honesty, she wasn't just a friend. Debra had been a big Lincoln Hawk fan ever since she had spotted them for the first time. In all honesty, Rufus new she pretty much was a huge fan of him more then she was of Lincoln Hawk. Debra had been fun to hang out with while he had been touring. She was wild, fun, exciting… And very hot to sleep with every now and then. Ever since he had seen Lily again though, he had noticed his interest in her had been fluttering away. Not that he had ever been in love with her. She just… She had been good company. Good company that had made him forget about Lily for a while after they had gone their seperate ways. Now that she was back in his life though, Rufus knew something between him and Debra had to change. He wasn't too sure about how to handle the entire thing though.

With a tiny little knot in his stomach, Rufus made his way over to the two blondes with a smile.

"Girls!"

He made sure to hug both of them at the same time, though he regretted that move instantly. How lame was that?

"Hey!" Rufus could tell Debra was about to lean in to kiss him, but he moved his face away quickly to talk to Lily. "Lil, did you like it?"

Lily smiled and handed him a beer. "I did.. And I think I took some great photos. I was thinking, maybe I can convince one of the papers to publish a couple of them…. You guys deserve it, I think more people should know about Lincoln Hawk."

Rufus was excited; how sweet it was of Lily to think of it. He was about to reply when Debra mingled in their conversation as well. "I think that is so wonderful of you, Lily! After all, during your tour the last couple of months I haven't heard a single negative comment about you guys! Everybody loves you!" She put her hand on his shoulder and gave it a small nod of encouragement.

Unfortunately for Rufus, Lily noticed. And Lily had also noticed the words Debra had been saying. "Ah! So you've been to more of Rufus' shows, then?"

Debra nodded with excitement. "Yeah, I've actually been accompanying him during the entire tour. You know, I was so bored in California for a while, and when the guys told me they were heading to New York eventually, I figured I'd joint hem! I lived with my father in LA, but my mother resides here… I considered it a good combo. Hanging out with this guy over here and paying a visit to my mother."

Lily for once was glad she'd been in an environment with fake people and fake smiles all her life. She could now put one up herself perfectly fine as well. "That sounds great!" She casually checked her watch before saying: "Oh guys, look at the time, I really have to go!" She gave Debra a polite kiss on the cheek and shot Rufus a deadly glare before quickly walking out of the cafe.

She knew she probably should take a cab home, but really felt like walking. Fuck Rufus. How could she have been stupid enough to believe his story about Debra being a friend? How had she even been able tot think he wrote a song about her? This stuff was messed up. She sighed before grabbing a cigarette. It was only 10 on a Saturday night, and she really didn't feel like going home. She checked her pockets, hoping she was able to find the key of the darkroom where she usually worked on her photographs. When she felt the cold metal of the key against her hand, she smiled. Score. She absent mindedly smoked her cigarette, trying not to think about Debra of Rufus too much, knowing she would probably fail within minutes anyway.

It took her almost thirty minutes to reach the building she had wanted to get to, but she was glad when she had arrived. She turned on the lights and poured herself some coffee. Without thinking, she entered the darkroom, careful to not spill coffee or do anything stupid. Perhaps processing the photographs she had made less than an hour ago wasn't the best thing to do. She really wanted to though. Lily started to process her pictures, working slowly and carefully, not wanting to mess up any of the shots she had made. She knew she was a good photographer, but for some reason she felt as if the photos she had made that day were even better than usual; perhaps because she had felt something special that she had never really felt before as she'd been making them.


	5. The Brooklyn Daily Eagle

_Note: And next chapter... I figured I'd keep up with my uploading-streak and post another chapter again today. Thanks again for the support and enjoy :) x._

 **Chapter 4: The Brooklyn Daily Eagle**

 ** _7th of September, 1987_**

Rufus was having his morning coffee at Pierre's in silence. Ever since Lily had walked out on him in The River Cafe he'd been visiting Pierre's in the morning. And sometimes in the afternoon as well. He hoped he would run into Lily again, desperate to explain to her more about the situation with Debra. He had been questioning himself multiple times about how he had been able to mess up this situation so bad.

He absent mindedly read one of the local papers on the coffee table, _The Brooklyn Daily Eagle,_ not really interested in whatever was in there. His heart skipped a beat though when he noticed a familiar face in one of the photographs; it was his. He was staring right into the camera. He noticed two smaller photographs as well; one of the entire band while they were preparing and laughing, and another one of them on stage. Was this for real? He then noticed the parapgraph written underneath the pictures.

 _Brooklyn's full with eager bands trying to make it big time. Lincoln Hawk however is one of the very few that has an actual shot of hitting the billboards. Front man Rufus Humphrey is not only good on the eyes, he has a voice that cuts right through your soul and will definitely make you shiver. Brooklyn based band Lincoln Hawk is a pop-rock band, mixing up-beat rock songs with acoustic guitar ballads. Brooklyn, take your chance to see Licoln Hawk perform in various cafes for free now while they're at it. In a few years, we're sure their tickets will be selling out in no-time!_ _ **Photographs and text courtesy of Lily Rhodes.**_

A hint of excitement rushed through Rufus' veins as he had finished the article. Had Lily really gotten them in the newspaper, even after she'd walked out on him? The article was nothing but positive and Rufus was very excited. Plus, she had called him good on the eyes… That was a good thing, right? He sighed out loud. He needed to speak with Lily. But how was he ever going to find her? He didn't have an address, a phone number, nothing… He then looked at the newspaper. Perhaps they could help him get some more information about Lily's whereabouts.

* * *

Lily sighed. How boring had her life become? New York had been so… Quiet, so sad, ever since she had realized Rufus really wasn't the guy for her. Her mother kept nagging her about going to college, and, in all honesty, Lily was really thinking about moving back to LA again. At least she had Kirsten there, and some other people that would at least make her feel alive. The LA club scene suited her perfectly fine. She loved the people, the people loved her… Yeah, maybe it was time to go back to LA.

She walked over to the kitchen, hoping to find something eatable besides tomatoes and cellery as she heard their house maiden Paige call out for her name. "Miss Lily? Where are you? There is someone at the door for you."

Lily sighed out loud. Who could possibly pay her a visit tonight?

"Miss Lily?" Paige had found her in the kitchen.

"Yeah, sorry Paige, I was coming. Who is it?"

Paige smiled. "I'm not sure, I have never seen him before. Handsome, dark hair, puppy eyes…"

Lily smirked. "Hmm, well, good looking he is at least then. Thanks, Paige, I'll go see what is going on."

Lily walked to the front door of their house, noticing a dark haired guy with a leather jacket. He had his back towards her, and was apparently looking at all the family portraits hanging in the hallway. Lily couldn't help but notice how much he looked like Rufus… But that was probably just because they shared their dark hair, and a leather jacket.

"Hello, how can I help you?"

Lily's heart dropped when the guy turned around and it appeared to be Rufus indeed. "Rufus… What are you doing here? How did you know I live here?"

He walked over to her, a paper in his hand.

"I eh…. I did some research. After you stormed away I wasn't sure how to get a hold of you. But I noticed the paper this morning… It had this lovely article in it written by a Lily Rhodes, about Lincoln Hawk, including pictures.. I kind of stalked the newspaper until they gave me your address."

Lily stood in front of him in surprise and, quite frankly, disbelief. "They gave you my address?"

Rufus chuckled. "Well, once I told them I was Lincoln Hawk's lead singer and I wanted to thank the girl who had written such lovely things about us, they were quick to reply." He moved closer to her as he wanted to give her a hug.

Lily crossed her arms in front of her though, looking at him with a not too friendly look on her face. "I'm glad you liked the article… No matter what my personal feelings are toward you, I have to admit your band is good. You guys deserve more recognition."

"And I'm very thankful for that… Lily, listen, I really want to talk to you."

"I really don't want to talk to you though. I get it, you're a singer, girls are swooning all over you all the time.. It's fine, honestly. I don't know why I even thought you could be different from all those other guys. Please leave."

Lily turned her back towards him and walked up the stairs. Rufus knew he really should respect her wishes and leave her alone, but quite frankly, he thought he was different from all those other guys Lily knew. And he really wanted to show her that. He rushed his way up the stairs, a bit taken a back when he noticed how many rooms there were. How could he know which was one was Lily's?

"Lil? Lily, please… Lily?"

When she didn't reply, he figured he had no choice but to check all the rooms and see which one she was hiding in. He knocked, checked and left four rooms before he got to a door that was locked. Bingo. "Lily, seriously… Open the door. I hate talking to a closed door, but if you give me no choice, I will…"

Still no repons. "For Christs sake," Rufus muttered, before continuing: "Lily, listen… You're wonderful. You're pretty, you're fun, you're smart, you're sweet, you're sexy… That song I sang, West Coast… It was about you. I know it probably sounds weird and maybe a bit crazy, but, well, I think I had a crush on you the moment I saw you. And, Debra… Debra was just… I don't know, she was just company, to… To forget about you, because I really thought I wouldn't see you again…"

Rufus waited for Lily to reply, or to just open the door. He sighed in frustration.

"Oh…" He was startled when he heard a voice behind him, and Lily couldn't help but chuckle when he noticed her standing in the door opening of another room he hadn't yet checked, his mouth hanging open with a hint of embarresement. She moved closer to him as she said: "Just so you know, you've been talking to the door of our help's room. I'm sure she was delighted with your words."

Rufus' cheeks turned slightly pink. "Oh…"

Lily walked up to him until she stood only mere centimeters away from him. "Are you sure I'm different from all those other girls that are trying to seduce you? You're an artist, girls love guys like you…"

"I don't care about girls, Lily. I care about you."

He gently cupped her cheeks. "I don't want to sound corny Lil, but I have never met someone like you before. You're just… Captivating."

Lily smiled. "That's sweet."

Rufus smiled. "I can be sweet every now and then.." Their eyes locked and Lily knew there was only one thing she wanted right now. She slowly let her lips connect with Rufus' lips, moving her hand around his waist while doing so.

Their kiss started gentle, but soon was filled with passion and desire. Rufus moved his hands, one to the nape of her neck and the other to her lower back, eagerly touching the bare skin that was exposed between her top and her jeans. She shivered.

Lily broke their kiss after a few seconds and she bit her lip. "Let's… Let's just move to my room. Privacy and all…"

Rufus smiled and she grabbed his hand, leading him to the privacy of her own room. She closed the door behind them before pushing Rufus onto her bed. She really, really wasn't planning on having seks with him immediately. Not touching him seemed so difficult though now that she'd been able to kiss him and touch him the way she had wanted to for a while. She jumped onto the bed next to him, and couldn't help but giggle as he smothered her with kisses.

"Lily Rhodes, you're exceptional!"

She smiled. "Why thank you, Rufus Humphrey." They let themselves drop in the pile of pillow on Lily's bed, her head resting on his chest. He caressed her hair with his one hand, as the other was places on her belly.

"So… What are your plans, Lil?"

"What do you mean?" She snuggled even closer to Rufus, adoring the level of intimacy she felt.

"I mean, what are your plans… Do you want to head back to California, or stay here, go to college.."

"I'm not sure yet…." Lily sighed. "I…. Call me stupid, I just have no clue about what to do with my life. My parents, they've always taken care of my perfectly fine, financially seen. They've provided me with everything and I'm very grateful for that. But my mother.. She just wants me to be like her, and I… I don't think that's really how I want my future to be… I just don't really know what I do want it to look like either."

She lifted her head up to look at Rufus, and he smiled at her. "I'm sure you'll figure it out eventually. Take your time…. You're still young."

He kissed her. What was meant to be a quick peck on her lips quickly turned into another passionate, desirable kiss. Jesus, she was such a good kisser. They moved a little bit and Lily straddled him, sitting on his lap as their tongues swirled. Her hands moved underneath his shirt, touching his skin, which caused him to shiver lightly. Rufus didn't want to be a dick, but quite frankly, his friendly member was alredy getting harder. He really couldn't help it, she was just so freakin' pretty and sexy.

"Lily, darling, Paige told me you…"

Lily stopped kissing the moment she heard her mothers voice. Hadn't they locked the door when they got into her room?" She kept her hands put on Rufus his body while she turned her head slowly. There was her mother, a look of horror on her face as she took in the scene in front of her. Her daughter, on the bed, with a guy, kissing.. Well, kissing, it was more like making out.

"Lilian, what do you think you're doing? Who is this guy?" CeCe impatiently tapped her foot, wondering who it was this time that Lily had brought home. CeCe had never really seen Lily with guys, but she darn well knew Lily wasn't the most innocent girl on the Upper East Side.

Lily bit her lipped and turned back to Rufus. She mouthed a quick sorry to him before moving off of hi mand sitting next to him on the bed instead. She kept her hand in his as she said: "Ehm, mother… This is Rufus. Rufus Humphrey… He and I, well…"

Rufus could tell Lily wasn't entirely sure how to respond to her mother's question. He decided to help her out. "I'm Rufus, Rufus Humphrey." He was about to get up when he realized his hardened member probably wouldn't go unnoticed bye Lily's mother. It's why he stayed put and continued. "Your daughter and I, we're dating."

He looked at Lily, slightly insecure, hoping she was okay with the words he had just uttered. Lily smiled.

"You two are… Dating?" CeCe eyed them suspiciously.

Rufus nodded. "Yes. We haven't known each other that long but I think your daughter is absolutely amazing, and I'm very glad I met her."

He was about tos peak even more, but CeCe interrupted him. "Yeah, yeah, that's all fine. I don't appreciate unknown boys being in my daughter's bedroom though…"

"Mother, for real?" Lily rolled her eyes.

"I think it's best for you to leave now, mister Humphrey." Without another word, CeCe turned around and left the bedroom. Lily and Rufus looked at each other, and Lily couldn't help but let out a chuckle. "Well, now you have met my mother…"

"She seems….. Nice?"

Lily chuckled. "Don't lie to me. Come one, let's get out of here." She got up and searched for her purse and coat.

"Lil, I don't think your mother wanted you to leave with me."

Lily shrugged. "I don't really care. Do you have all your stuff?" Rufus nodded and smiled. "Good. Let's go then!" Lily grabbed his hand and they quickly made their way down the stairs and out of the big building Lily called her home. 

* * *

CeCe wondered when Lily would made her way down the stairs to find her. She would probably go nuts, tell her how she hadn't had the right to be so rude towards her friend… CeCe really didn't care that much though. It wasn't that she didn't want her daughter to be happy, she did. CeCe just really wanted Lily to be happy with the right kind of man… A man with wealth and a good family.

CeCe made her way up the stairs, wondering if Lily was mocking on her own in bed. Without knocking, CeCe entered her daughters room. No Lily, though. CeCe shook her head. She knew Lily had probably taken off with that guy, what was his name again? CeCe noticed a newspaper on Lily's bed and sighed. Why was it on her bed instead of in the kitchen, where they usually read the newspaper?

She grabbed the paper from the bed and took it with her as she walked down the stairs again. She was wondering what she had to do about her daughter. Lily could be so stubborn sometimes. CeCe noticed in the kitchen that the newspaper she'd been holding wasn't the New York Times, but a local paper. CeCe wondered why Lily had been reading that, and started turning the pages. It wasn't until the end of the paper that she found a picture of a familiar face. Was Lily really dating a singer? When CeCe read the paragraph under the pictures though, her face turned bitter. Rufus was a Brooklyn boy, an unknown singer in an unknown band… Not the type of guy CeCe wanted her daughter to be dating with. CeCe was even more annoyed when she noticed it had been Lily who had been taking the pictures and written the text. She had to do something about this Rufus Humphrey soon. 

* * *

Lily and Rufus were holding hands as they were strolling down the Central Park, laughing and kissing as they walked their way around.

"Do you and the guys have any other performances planned yet," Lily asked with curiousity.

"We have a couple more in Brooklyn in the next two weeks… Nothing big after that." Rufus sighed.

Lily nodged him. "Hey, cheer up. Who knows, a lot can change in the next couple of weeks. Besides, you guys are in a paper now… Maybe a record label will notice you." She winked at him.

Both knew a local paper wasn't anything too exciting, since it usually didn't have a huge amount of readers. Regardless, Lily was right. Who knew what would and could happen in the next couple of weeks, and even months!

He stopped her from walking before putting his hands on her hips. He pulled her closer and he kissed her. "You know what, you're right."

They continued their walk, enjoying each other's company in silence for a short while.

"Hey, Lil... Can I take you out for dinner tonight? I think you deserve a perfect, normal date, the way people usually do, you know." Rufus winked.

Lily chuckled. "Of course you can! Don't worry about that normal date though… Normal is boring."

Rufus smiled. Lily was such a different person. Nor Debra, nor any of the other girls he had ever dated came even close to the kind of person Lily was. She was exceptional and absolutely perfect.

"God, can you be even more perfect?" He stuck out his tongue after he had said those words.

"Well, I happen to be a big fan of burgers as well.. Does my score improve now?"

Rufus pretended to faint, chuckling afterwards as he said: "Jesus, woman, you keep surprising me. Your score is racing through the roof right now. Let's continue walking, I'll take you to the best burger joint in the world."


	6. Sweet Child O' Mine

_Note: New chapter-time! Just to warn you guys, there is quite a bit of M-rate stuff in here... Just to be safe ;) . x._

 **Chapter 5: Sweet Child O' Mine**

 ** _15th of September, 1987_**

Lily knew it was silly to be in love with a person she had only known for a week or two. Not counting the two days she and Rufus had spent in Los Angeles together. She couldn't deny though that she was completely, head over heels, in love with Rufus Humphrey. She felt proud, watching him on a stage for the third time this week. He looked so happy, so… In his element. He was so good in what he did…

She knew he had been a bit upset about not getting booked for any more performances yet. There would be 2 more gigs next week, and after that, Lincoln Hawk didn't have anything on the agenda yet. Lily tried to keep him positive though, and luckily for her, Rufus was a pretty darn positivie person himself. She clapped after they had finished another song, and smiled when Rufus looked at her for a second.

"Everyone! Thanks for coming out tonight. This will be our last song for the night."

The crowd booed, which, in this case, was actually a good thing.

Rufus chukled. "Sorry, guys! Will be up in The River Cafe on the 18th though, so please join us there if you'd like. We like to end with a bang, so we decided to cover one of our favorite songs. This last song is dedicated to the prettiest, the cutest and the most wonderful woman I know. Lily, this is for you!"

Lily shook her head and smile. Rufus did this every now and then, and she couldn't help but feel smitten in love with him whenever he did so. It was so cute. The band started playing there own, slightly toned down version of Guns N' Roses' _Sweet Child O' Mine_. Lily found it to be beautiful.

The show ended after the song, and Lily waited for Rufus near the bar while drinking something. She was surprised when she heard someone mention her name behind her.

"Are you Lily Rhodes?"

When Lily turned around, she was surprised to find a tall, handsome guy in a suit staring at her. He definitely didn't seem to fit in.

"Ehm, yeah… Who's asking?"

He gave her his hand as he introduced himself. "Lily, nice to meet you, my name is Nathan McKinney. I work for Sony Music."

Lily looked at him with excitement. Was this for real?

"I noticed your pictures and article on Lincoln Hawk in _The Brooklyn Daily Eagle_ and figured I'd pay a visit. You have an eye for talent, miss Rhodes. They're indeed a good band."

Lily smiled. "I know, right? Shall I introduce you to them?"

* * *

"I'm so proud of you!" Lily jumped on top of Rufus, who was already in his bed, full of excitement. She pecked his lips before sitting close to him, her fingers lightly tracing the tattoo on his upper arm.

Rufus chuckled. "It's insane, Lil… A record deal and a tour? I'm… I'm in total shock, but it's… It's amazing. And all because of you and your article and your photographs!"

He grabbed her and pulled her closer so he could kiss her. Lily smiled as his lips moved to her neck. She love dit when he did that. "Honestly, it's all you and the guys, babe… If you didn't have the talent my article and pictures wouldn't be a worth a thing."

He nibbled on her ear before he whispered: "But still… Thank you."

"You're very welcome," Lily said softly.

Rufus was getting her aroused in mere seconds, it was insane. He knew the exact right spot in her neck to make her go completely nuts. Despite them being together most of the time, they hadn't slept together yet. Lily and Rufus had tried to take things slow, not rush anything. But Lily had a feeling that tonight they'd be celebrating the great news in the best possible way ever.

She looked at him and bit her lip before quickly positioning herself on top of him. "I'm so happy for you." Lily looked at him before she kissed him. She kissed him soft and sweet at first, slowly deepening it, making them rougher and faster. Her hands moved over his bare shoulders, eager to feel all his skin and muscles as his hands moved over the soft fabric of the little black nightgown she'd been wearing.

Rufus moved his lips to her neck, kissing and nibbling on her skin while she did the same to him. His lips made her shiver.

"Lil… Lil…" It took her a second to realise he had stopped dead in his actions and she moved herself so she could face him. "Are you okay?"

Rufus nodded. "Yeah, yeah, more then okay, actually. I just… I don't want to sound like a typical guy but, I'm not sure I can keep myself from… Well… You know… I just…"

Lily smiled. He was so cute when he was lost for words. She silenced him with a quick peck on his lips before she whispered: "I want you… I want to be with you."

"Are you sure?" His hands were resting on her hips as he stared into her eyes. "More then sure."

He nodded, a smile on his lips as he gently pulled her closer to kiss her again. Slowly, at first. Their desire was to big to control though and it took them only a few seconds to get completely lost in each other and their kisses.

Rufus turned them around in a quick, swift move, making sure he was on top as he kissed her passionately. He looked at her, asking for permission silently before removing her night gown, leaving her dressed in a pair of light blue panties and bra. She looked perfect.

"You're so beautiful." He kissed her lips, then her neck, and slowly moved his lips down every place of her body. He kissed the space in between her breasts, her belly button, her inner thighs… He could hear her moan out of pleasure when he'd reached her tighs, noticing she was already wet. Fuck, she was so hot.

He moved back up and she sat up a little bit, attacking his lips while roaming his body. He unclapsed her bra and threw it on the ground, an explosion of tingles forming inside his belly as his skin connected to her breasts for the very first time. He kneeded them gently. Their bodies touched completely, his rock hard member pressing against her tigh. He was so ready for her.

Rufus moved his mouth to her breast, licking and biting gently on her nipple. She let out a loud moan. While he was kissing and licking her breastst, her hands slowly moved down his abs to his boxers. She teased the hem of them, slowly moving her hand down to his erect member. He couldn't help but shiver out of pleasure the moment her fingers touched the tip of it. Lily's other hand quickly discarded his boxers, wanting to touch him without the fabric being in her way. She kissed his neck as her hands gently kneeded his balls, causing him to moan out loud.

It was then that he moved on of his hands down her body and to her inner thigh. He caressed the soft skin there, drawing lazy circles closer and closer to her most private parts. Her hips bucked; she was so ready for him.

"Rufus, please..." She was panting, begging for him to enter her. She just didn't want to wait any longer.

Rufus looked at her, a smirk on his face as he said: "Please what?"

She looked at him. Her cheeks all rosy, her hair all messy, her lips swollen from all their kisses; she was breathtaking. "Take me, please. Now."

He smiled and kissed her while moving her panties down, revealing her most private parts. He gently pushed her down and she spread her legs, ready for him to enter her. Rufus looked at the woman that was in his bed, her legs spread and a mixture of lust and love in her eyes.

"Fuck, you're hot… You're everything."

He attacked her lips as his one hand moved down on her. She was so wet. He couldn't wait any longer, and he could tell she couldn't either.

Rufus gently entered her, causing them both to moan in pleasure. He built up the rythm slowly, enjoying every single sound she made. Every thrust made her dig her nails deeper into his back. "Rufus… Fuck." She linked her ankles behind his back, giving him even better access to her most intimate place.

Rufus moaned when he felt Lily's hand touching his balls. Jesus, this was perfect. Hhe wanted to devour her and make passionate, hot, rough love to her, showing her every freakin' corner of the room. But it was their first time, and it was even more important for him to show her how much he cared about her. He wanted this to be sweet and loving. He wanted them to make love. He would never forget this. Every single sound she made, every single thing she did, he wanted to remember it forever. It was perfect. She was perfect.

He rested his forehead against hers as he slowly made his thrusts firmer. Lily gasped. "That's it.. Right there."

Rufus knew he had hit the right spot and moved his face to her cheeck, kissing it before whispering: "You're beautiful, Lil." She moaned, loudly, and he couldn't hold his moans back anymore either. Fuck, this was incredible, and he knew he wouldn't be able to wait a lot longer to come. "Oh, Jesus, Lil…"

One of her hands moved to his ass, digging her nails into it. He loved it. He gently moved one hand in between them, stroking her clit softly. Lily moaned loudly; it was perfect. He was doing all the right things in the right time, as if he had been doing this since… Well, since forever. She was so close now.

* * *

Lily woke up with a satisfied smile on her face that next morning. She was still in Rufus' strong arms and a joilt of happiness went through her body. Being with Rufus had been perfect. She cuddled up even closer to him and stroke his chest lightly.

"You're already awake?" She could her Rufus' sleepy voice calling out for her and she smiled.

"Yeah…" She kissed his chest as he wrapped his arm around her, making sure their bodies were as close as possible. She loved feeling him so close to her. Rufus nuzzled her hair, taking in the scent that was a mixture of vailla and scent he could only describe as uniquely Lily's. It was perfect.

They stayed in bed for a little while like that, enjoying each other's company. After a while, they moved, facing each other while holding hands. Rufus was playing with her fingers, looking at their entwined hands, as he said: "You know, last night, I was thinking…"

He fell silent again, and Lily raised her eyebrows. "Thinking about what?"

"You know… If this tour's really happening… I want you to come with us." He looked up to face her, a hint of insecurity noticeable on his face.

"Are you serious?"

He nodded. "I know it may be a bit… Much. But I think it'll be fun. And, you know, if things don't work out… It's easy to make your way back home."

She slapped him jokingly. "Don't say silly things, minster." Lily popped her head on her elbow as she looked at him with a smile. "I'd love to come with you, Rufus."

* * *

Lily got home that afternoon with a huge smile plastered on her face. God, this was going tob e incredible! A new adventure, a new journey, with Rufus by her side… Things were going to be incredible. Breaking the news to her mother would be a little less wonderful though. She was probably going to freak out, to say the least. Lily didn't really care that much though; if she didn't go, her mother would find something else to freak out about anyway.

She opened the front door with her key, and was heading straight towards her room when she heard her mother's voice. "Lilian, is that you? Can you come here, please?"

Lily suspiciously entered the kitchen, where she knew her mother was waiting for her. As she walked in, she found her mother sitting near the kitchen bar with a cup of tea. "You want some tea, Lily?"

She shook her hand. "No, thanks mother."

"Where have you been, darling? I noticed you didn't come home last night."

Her mother seemed so overly sweet, it surprised her and it made her extremely suspicious.

"Yes…. I was with Rufus. He had a performance and I stayed at his place afterwards." She grabbed an apple and was about to turn around again when her mother said: "Did you have fun?"

Lily looked at her mother; perhaps she was really just trying to be a good mother and tried tob e interested in her life. "I did…" Lily decided to share the exciting news of the night before with her mother. "There actually happened something incredible. A man from Sony Music was watching yesterday night, and afterwards, he met up with Rufus and the rest of the band. He offered them a record deal, and an opportunity to tour around the country. Isn't that amazing?"

CeCe nodded, a small smile on her face. "Well, yes, that's great darling. So he's gonna go and travel for a while then?"

Lily nodded. "Yes! They still have to dicuss the details, but it would probably be for a couple of months."

"You're gonna miss him then, I assume?" Her mother looked at het, a small smile still plastered on her face. Lily really wasn't sure what that was about, something felt… Off. "Well, Rufus actually invited me to come with them! And I think I will!"

"Wait, you want to do what?" CeCe looked, a mix of horror and shock on his face.

"Yes, I think it will be wonderful. I can take pictures, travel around… I think i twill be perfect." She took a bite out of her apple and looked at her mother, who seemed to be speechless. Her mother didn't seem to be willing to say anything else, so Lily decided to now make her way up to her room. She noticed she was humming some kind of happy song, and couldn't help but smile. Her life seemed so perfect at the moment.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, CeCe looked out of the window. This thing really wasn't going as she had expected. She had called one of her old friends working at Sony Music, asking for a favor, to check out a band called Lincoln Hawk. Lily had expected her friend to either think of the band as horrible or as very good. If the latter was the case, he would probably offer them a record deal. If that would happen, Rufus Humphrey would be out in the country, singing and performing, far away from her daughter. She hadn't expected this to happen though; she hadn't seen it coming that he would invite her daughter to join them on the road. This was terrible; she had lost her daughter once to all the pleasures on the Californian coast, and she was about to lose her daughter again to a man who wasn't going to be good enough for her.


	7. Last Call

_Note: Happy Valentine's Day all! I'll be honest and say I never really cared for it as I think you should appreciate the ones you love every single day, but I figured it would be nice to post a new chapter about my current favorite tv-show couple on this day. Lightly M-Rated in the beginning as well, be prepared ;-). Have a great Sunday everyone! x._

 **Chapter 6: Last Call**

 ** _21st of September, 1987_**

His back hit the brick wall harsh, but he really didn't care. Lily's lips were all over him and he loved every second of it. Ever since they had made love for the first time, they simply couldn't keep their hands off each other. He knew he had to get on the stage in 15 minutes, performing Lincoln Hawk's last Brooklyn show there for now. All she had to do was bite her lip and look at him in the most desireable way possible… And there he was, his back against a wall near the back door of The River Cafe, kissing her.

He was surprised when he felt her hands moving to his jeans, unbuttoning theem and zipping the zipper down. "Lil, what are you doing?"

"Don't talk." She dropped down on her knees, giving him a naughty look before she moved her hands to his boxers to put those down as well. Rufus was about to tell her she didn't have to do what she was doing right now when her tongue swirled around the tip of his penis.

Fuck. "Jesus." His hands touched her hair, gently entwining them into it as she started working on him. She was good at this. He moaned as his hips bucked. "Jesus, Lil." He looked down at the very moment she stared right up to him. The twinkle in her eyes told him she was enjoying it probably as much as he was and he closed his eyes. She swirled, licked and took him in his entirety in her mouth in all the right ways.

"I'm so close.." A split second after he had uttered those words, he was released. He was panting, steadying himself against the wall while Lily got up and looked at him with a smirk on her face.

"Just to wish you good luck for your last show…" She winked at him and he grabbed her hand, pulling her closer to him.

"You are… So incredible." 

* * *

Lincoln Hawk's last performance seem to fly bye. They had already reached their last song, and Lily was more the excited to celebrate the last performance tonight after the show. Celebrate a new beginning. She was so excited.

When Rufus reached the bar after the show she flew him around his neck and kissed him. "You guys were great, as usual of course."

Rufus smiled. "Thanks darling. You want another drink?"

"Yes!" Lily turned to one of the other band members, Paul, as Rufus ordered them drinks. He was so excited to start this new road they were heading to with Lincoln Hawk. And with Lily by his side of course.

"Hey! Where have you been lately?"

Rufus recognized Debra's voice instantly. Oh god. He hadn't been handling this very properly, he knew he hadn't. He had just simply never contacted Debra again after realizing how much he felt for Lily. Perhaps that hadn't been the best way to break it to her gently.

"Debra! Hey…" Debra was about to hug him, but Rufus made sure the two beers in his hands prevented him from doing so.

Debra was waiting for hi mto say something, but since he didn't, she figured she'd just continue. "I had been wondering if you were still alive, you were so quiet… Then I read about your show here tonight, figured I'd come and say hi."

Rufus chuckled. "Yeah, well, you kind of missed the entire show.."

Debra moved in closer and whispered in his ear: "Well, I kind of figured I'd be mostly needed for the after party anyway…"

Rufus backed away, trying to find the right words to tell Debra she really wasn't… Well, relevant anymore. "Debra, listen…"

He was about to tell her the truth when Lily interupted them, completely oblivious to Debra next to him as she said: "You're taking your time with those beers, babe."

Lily was about to turn around again and continue her conversation with Paul, when she noticed Debra. Why was she here?

She looked at Rufus, then to Debra, and back to Rufus again, wondering what she had to think about this. Debra seemed completely oblivious to the awkward situation though and smiled: "Hey Lil! It's okay if I call you Lil right? So good to see you again!"

Lily nodded before shooting Rufus a deadly glare. What was up with this situation? "Ehm, Debra, listen… I really appreciate your support and I really enjoyed the time we spent together on the road. But, ehm… I think you have to wrong impression, of us."

"What do you mean?" Debra looked at Rufus, not getting where he was trying to get to.

"Look," Rufus sighed, "I think you're very nice and a lot of fun, but I think you've been making it into something bigger."

Debra shook her head. "I'm not completely following… No offence, Lil, but could you please give us some privacy?"

Lily nodded, figuring Rufus was going to do the right thing anyway, though she did wonder why hadn't talked to Debra before. "Sure. I'll leave you two to it…" Rufus looked at her and smiled. She blew him a quick kiss, making a mental note to make sure he would thank her later for being so sweet and polite.

"Deb, listen.. You are great and I'm sure you'll find the man of your dreams soon. It's just not going to be me.."

Debra looked quite shocked. "What do you mean? I.. I thought we had this nice thing going on."

Rufus nodded. "It was nice, and it was fun.. It's just… When we met, I was kind of sad over losing this woman that I fell in love with the moment I met. We… We recently bumped into each other again, and, no matter how much fun we have and how much I can smile thinking about all the great things we've done together… I'm in love with her. I'm sorry… I should've told you about this before."

"Are you kidding me?" Debra's facial expression turned biter, and, if Rufus was being honest, he could also see a hint of pain.

"I'm really sorry, Debra.."

"You honestly want to give up on me? After everything we've done? Who on earth has been so special for you to just let go of me.. Of everything we've done? Are you serious?"

Rufus shrugged. "I'm sorry, it's just, special between me and Lil, I can't.." Fuck. Did he really just say Lil? Oh, God… He really wasn't in for a catfight tonight. He scraped his throat and tried to talk over it, but Debra wasn't planning on letting him get away with it.

"Lil? Seriously.. You mean…. Lily? As in, that Lily?" Debra pointed to Lily, who was quite close but apparently not catching any of the things Debra and Rufus were talking about.

Rufus nodded, not sure what would happen next. Would Debra go nuts, attack Lily? Would she start crying?

Debra just shook her head, in complete and utter shock and surprises. "Jesus, Rufus, I can't believe this. I thought you were different…" She threw the drink she was holding in Rufus face before storming out of the cafe. Although he had to admit beer in his face really wasn't his thing, he was quite satisfied with how this had gone. At least Debra hadn't been going nuts on Lily.

Lily walked over to him, noticing his wet hair as Debra was gone. She chuckled. "She threw her beer on you?"

Rufus shrugged.

"Well, I guess you kind of did deserve that… Jesus, that smells bad."

Rufus chuckled before he grabbed Lily and pulled her closer. "Rufus! No, no, get away from me, no, iew, Rufus!" Her words didn't stop him though as he rubbed himself against her, making sure she now had some of that same beer on her as well.

"Now you smell bad too. Come, give me a kiss!" His hands were around her waist as he leant in.

Lily leant back though. "You really think you deserve a kiss now?"

Rufus pouted. "Hey, I ditched a girl for you, you should be very happy you know. There are a lot fo girls out here who would love to sleep with Lincoln Hawk's leadsinger."

Lily stuck out her tongue. "God, you think you're so cute."

"Hmm." Rufus smiled with pride. "I think so indeed. Come on, give me a kiss." 

* * *

"Hey Lil! Come here." Rufus was having breakfast in the kitchen as he called out for Lily, who had been in the bathroom for way too long in his opinion. He smiled whe she got out of it, her hair still wet, bare footed, wearing a pair of black leggings and an oversized t-shirt.

"What is it?"

"Come.." Lily walked over to the kitchen counter as Rufus handed her a cup of coffee before he said: "Look! I received this in the mail… Those guys at Sony really know how to plan these things. They stippled out our route on this map, take a look."

Lily hugged him from behind and watched over his shoulder. The route seemed carefully planned, as the map was showing a perfect route throughout pretty much the entire country. Boston, Nashville, Kansas City, Denver, Salt Lake City… A quick count told her there were at least 20 cities marked on the map.

"Rufus, wauw… This is insane. How long are you guys supposed to be on tour?"

Rufus turned around so he could face Lily before he said: "You mean how long are we going to be on tour?"

Lily smiled. "Yeah."

He stole a quick kiss before he said: "According to Nathan, it'll be 8 months if it's a success. If things don't go as planned though it ill be about 4 though. But nonentheless, it will be freakin' great. We are even getting our own tour bus!"

Lily chuckled. Rufus was so excited, a boyish grin spread all over his face. She adored it. "That's great. And I don't think you have to worry about those shows… I'm so sure you guys will blow everyone away, no matter where you perform."

"Thanks, Lil… Listen…" He looked at her, his hands still on her hips, as he said: "It means the world to me that you want to come with me."

Lily smiled as she cupped his cheeks. "And I'm so glad you want me to… I think this is going to be a huge adventure and I'm so excited!"

Lily kissed him sweetly. Her life seemed so… Perfect. Despite not having a clue about what she was going to do with her future, she was so content. Being with Rufus, looking for adventures throughout the entire country… It seemed the perfect thing to do at the moment. 

* * *

Lily returned home later that day, deciding on how to drop the bomb on her mother. She had told her mother about Lincoln Hawk's tour and hinted about coming with them. Her mother had probably forgotten about that already since Lily knew her mother wouldn't approve of it. CeCe had probably figured Lily wouldn't go. Oh boy... Actually going and leaving in a couple of days would probably come as a shock to her mother, and she was quite sure her mother wouldn't be too pleased with her decision. For one, because it was with Rufus, and, well, probably as well because it wasn't what an high class girl was supposed to do. Lily hated the way her mother always categorized her. Who gave a damn about money, or status? Love and happiness was so much more important.

After dropping her stuff in her room, she walked through the house, searching for her mother, who seemed to be missing.

"Mother?" Lily hated yelling, But, quite frankly, she didn't want to wait talking to her mother that much longer. They were leaving for Boston in a few days, and waiting any longer wouldn't be the best idea. "Mother?!"

"Lily, don't yell, I'm right here." Here mother came out of the living room –figured,- dressed in her work-out clothes.

Lily raised her eyebrows. "You were doing one of your video excersises again?"

"Yes, at a certain age you need to put in a bit more effort to look good, dear. What is it?"

"Well, I want to talk to you about something. Can we sit?" Lily made her way over to the living room to sit on the couch.

"I was in the middle of something honey, can't it wait?" CeCe was about to turn on her video tape again and continue with her work-out, but Lily shook her head.

"I really want to talk to you now, mom. Please?"

CeCe seemed surprised about her daughter saying please as she nodded, sitting next to Lily on the couch. "Okay, what is it? Did you do something wrong?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "No, mother. I… I have been thinking, about my plans for the next couple of months."

CeCe's eyes lit up. "Oh honey, I wanted to talk to you about that, I have the greatest idea…"

"Mom, no, wait.. Listen, let me talk first."

Her mother eyed her as she took a deep breath. " I told you Rufus was going on tour with his band, right?"

"Oh, that guy you have been seeing, isn't it? I'm so sorry for you honey, that must be a shame, those plans going along. You will probably miss him" Lily could tell her mother was trying to be sympathetic in some sort of way, but she really wasn't succeeding. She obviously couldn't care less about Rufus.

"Well, that's the thing… I decided to do as I'd been planning and go with them!"

"You did what?" Her mother's voice went pitch high as she uttered those words, and Lily could tell this really didn't go too well with her mother.

"Yeah… I figured it would be good for me, going away for a while, thinking about what I want…

"Honey, you just got back from LA… Don't you want to go back there, stay with your dad for a while?"

Lily snorted. "Dad is busy. I have seen him probably five times in the time I was in LA, and five may even be much. Honestly, mother, it's really not about what you think I should do, I already made up my mind."

"But you barely know the guy, Lily! What do you think the neighbours are going to say, or the book club, if it gets known that you ran off with some random singer?" CeCe look of utter disapproval was written all over her face.

"Mother, please…" Lily sighed. "Why do you even care about that? I think this is good for me, and I think Rufus and I will be fine. And if he turns out to be some kind of idiot, which I doubt, I can always leave."

"Lilian Wilhelmina Rhodes, if you're seriously going away with that guy, you're not welcome to get back here ever again, do you hear me? This is unacceptable behavior." CeCe's stern words hurt Lily for a second. Was her mother really that worried about her reputation?

Lily shook her head. "You know what? Fine, that's perfectly fine. If you care that much more about your reputation then you care about me and my happiness, I don't even want to come back here ever again." She got up from the couch and made her way upstairs.

She wondered why she had even considered her mother being even a little excited for her. She searched her closet until she had found a big duffel bag, throwing in her favorite pieces out of her closet. Shorts, jeans, tops, underwear... She then grabbed her camera, some make-up. She looked at a family portrait near her bed and decided to throw that in as well. Lily made sure she had everything she needed before she put on her denim jacket and walked downstairs.

After closing the front door with a loud bang, she couldn't help but sigh. Hopefully Rufus would be there when she'd get to his apartment. 

* * *

Despite wanting to be all independent and grown, Lily figured taking a cab with her mother's creditcard was the best way to get to Brooklyn. That duffelbag was pretty heavy after all, considering all the things she'd thrown in there. The ride to Rufus' place took a well, but Lily hadn't given herself space to think about her mother. Instead, she'd let her mind wander to all the places she and Rufus would see in the next couple of months.

She knocked impatiently on Rufus his front door, and was relieved when he quickly opened. He seemed both happy and surprised to see her.

"Hey! Didn't I just let you walk out of my place a couple of hours ago?" He chuckled.

Lily sighed. "Yeah… You think I can stay here until we leave for the tour?" She held up her heavy bag as she bit her lip.

"Oh Jesus, what happened? Come in." He took her bag from her before he kissed her head and let her back inside his place. Rufus had asked, but he didn't even wonder what had happened at Lily's place; he could pretty much guess why she was standing in front of his door right now.


	8. Mini Van

_Note: Hello, hello! 7th chapter is here. Enjoy x._

 **Inhoud 7: Mini Van**

 ** _29th of September, 1987_**

 _"We're backstage right now, searching for the hottest leadsinger in the world, as he is about to perform with his other just a little less hot bandmembers in Boston." The camera flipped as Lily was walking backstage, filming her way up to the band's relax room._

 _After entering a room, Lincoln Hawk was visible, sitting, drinking and smiling. "And well, there they are! Look at this freakin' hot drummer… Still single, ladies." Lily's voice was heard as the men chuckled. "And this one is very very much taken.." The camera flipped again as Lily's face got back on the screen. "So you better keep your hands off of this one!"_

Rufus chuckled as he looked at the footage Lily had shot the evening before. She looked and sounded so excited and happy. Their show that night before had been incredible. Lily had offered to film everything, telling him a special moment like this should have lasting memories. He was already happy she had made that decision.

When Lily came walking out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel though, he put away the camera.

"Hey beautiful!" He quickly made his way over to her so he could grab her and started kissing her. Her lips at first, but quickly, he moved his lips to her neck.

"Hmm, Rufus…." Lily sighed out of pleasure.

He gave her one last kiss before letting her go again. "I wish we didn't have somewhere to be… So many other things we could do." He wiggled his eyebrows, and Lily chuckled.

"Yeah, well, I'm late already, so you better hold that thought for a little later, mister." She gave him a quick kiss before making her way over to the closet, deciding on what to wear for their litter dinner with the rest of the band and their tour manager, Max. Lily liked the guy; he was super relaxed and very funny. It was good to have him around, he was able to lighten up pretty much everything. For example, when they found out their tour bus was actually a mini van, Max had been the first to yell in excitement, telling them it was actually perfect to have a little cosy car instead.

Tonight, they would head out and celebrate Lincoln Hawk's very first gig in Boston, which had actually been quite succesfull. Lily was so proud. She admired Rufus for going after what he believed and doing what he loved; she genuinely hope she would be able to find something she would be that passionate about as well.

5 hours later, they were all together in one of Boston's finest clubs. Lily was drunk; drunk in love and drunk due to too much alcohol. She felt utterly happy though and she couldn't stop smiling.

"Hey beautiful!" She felt Rufus his lips on her cheek before she had heard his voice. She turned around and threw her arms around his neck. "Hey yourself."

He nuzzled her hair before he murmured in her ear: "Are you having fun?"

Lily smiled. "I'm having the best time."

"Good. You want another drink?" Lily nodded and Rufus stole a quick kiss, before leaving to get to the bar. Lily was on her own now, dancing in the middle of the dancefloor. Rufus his bandmates were all consumed with pretty Boston girls, and it had been a while since she had seen Max as well… She figured he'd be gone with one of the girls as well.

After dancing on her own for two songs though, Lily got annoyed. Where was Rufus? She looked over to the bar, noticing him talking to a redhead. Lily sighed; she knew Rufus would never, never be interested in other girls as long as he had her, but he was a nice person after all. Lily did however figure he and the redhead had been talking enough, so she made her way over to him.

"Hey." Rufus smiled the moment he noticed Lily next to him. "Hey." Lily was about to continue talking, but the redhead was first. "Ehm, excuse me missy, but he is talking to me right now. He's taken. " She had a thick Boston accent, which Lily usually found to be quite nice. Not on a redhead with an attitude though.

Lily raised her eyebrows, and she could see Rufus could't help but chuckle a little bit. Lily smiled sweetly at the girl. "I know he's taken honey, who do you think that other drink in has hand is for?"

Rufus handed Lily her drink, noticing the smile on the redhead's face fade away. Without another word, she took off. Rufus chuckled as he pulled Lily closer: "Lil, did you really have to be so mean?" Lily could tell he was joking though and she pouted. "No one's going to steal my man."

"Wouldn't wanna be anyone else's man, babe." He cupped her chin with one of his hands and gently but firm moved her face closer to his. "And, for the record... You're mine as well." He then sealed his words with a kiss.

* * *

They got back to their motelroom an hour later, still drunk and madly in love. They got into their beds in a record time, wanting to feel the other's warmth again quickly. Lily rested her head on Rufus his chest, drawing lazy circles on his chest with her finger as he caressed her hair.

"Hey Lil…"

"Hmmm…"

"I know I'm drunk. I just have to tell you something."

Lily looked up, seeing Rufus's dead serious eyes, as far as that was possible at this hour and with the amount of alcohol in his blood. "What is it?"

"You are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I'm just so happy I'm here, you're here… That we are here. I don't think my life could be any more perfect right now."

Lily smiled, feeling her inside warm, and not because of the alcohol. She moved herself so she could see him. "That feeling's mutual, Rufus…" She kissed him before resting her head on his chest again.

"Tell me something new about you?" Rufus blurted out. Lily smiled. This was what Rufus did whenever he had been drinking; he always wanted to talk, endlessly. Usually though, it would be about music, or art, or some philosophical topics. Men tended to get philosophic whenever they'd been drinking, Lily had notived over the years. But apparently, she was the subject of today's drunk-talk.

"What do you mean?"

"Like I say… Tell me something about you. Something I don't know yet." He kissed her hair.

"Are you gonna remember in the morning?"

"I always remember everything you say." Lily chuckled; she highly doubted it, but she decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.

"Okay. Well… I grew up in Montecito. We owned horses, well, my dad owned horses… I had my own, Rosewood was her name. She was so gorgeous, all white with the sweetest doe eyes in the world. Whenever I felt down, or misseed my parents or was angry with them, I'd take her for a ride. I would always feel better afterwards. And, whenever I was riding her, I felt as if my issues would slowly… I don't know, slowly fade. I think of her, every now and then… She died when I was fifteen, and it was the first real experience I had with death. It made me feel so vulnerable… So afraid. So scared of every losing something I would love even more then her to death."

Rufus had been sroking her hair while they were talking, enjoying the soft sound of her voice as she was speaking to him. "Have you ever found something you loved more then her?"

Lily smiled. She moved, once again facing him. "You know… For a while I thought there couldn't possibly be anything I loved more then her. A couple of weeks ago though, I think Rosewood got herself some competition though."

Rufus chuckled, but the moment it hit him that she was actually talking about him, his mouth slightly dropped. "Wait… Are you saying…"

Lily suddenly felt a wave of terror washing over her. She knew telling him she loved him was heavy, but it was honestly how she felt. Perhaps it had been too soon though. She was about to apologize when Rufus cupped her cheeks. "Are you saying you love me?"

Her cheeks turned red and Lily smiled sheepishly. "Well…. I… I think so. Unless you don't want me to say it, then I guess I'll just take back my words and we pretend this has never happened."

Rufus chuckled. "You can be such an idiot sometimes. Although we met not too long ago…. I think I'm honestly, deeply, madly loving you, Lily Rhodes."

Lily smiled. His words seemed…. Perfect. Perhaps it was the blur of the alcohol, but the entire room seemed to be filled with light and happinness and love. "I love you too, Rufus Humphrey."

* * *

Rufus noticed it was four in the morning. He and Lily had been trying to go get some sleep about an hour ago. Despite being tired, he didn't seem to be able to catch any sleep though. His mind was fuzzy, filled with words and chords that made him feel restless. He had to write something down. He looked over to Lily, who was safe asleep next to him. He slowly untangled him from her, making sure not to wake her up in the process, before making his way over to one of the far corners in their room. He grabbed his note book and a pen before he sat down in one of the fluffy chairs. He turned on the little bedlamp on the table next to it. He suddenly felt so.. Inspired.

He hummed a tune in his head before he starting writing some first lines.

 _That twinkling in your eyes,  
those captivating lips that always take me by surprise.  
I've never met someone quite like you,  
oh darling, I wonder…_

Rufus scratched through half of the lyrics again, defining them as too cheesy and too lovesick. He started writing down lose words, small sentences.. Every single word that was filling his head needed to be on that paper in front of him.

He put down his pencil an hour later, knowing he really needed to get some sleep as well. He shook his head; he wasn't completely satisfied with his lyrics, although he did sense there was indeed something very special about them. Although it was no more yet then 10 sentences, he decided to just keep the lyrics. Rufus knew there would be a day in which he'd finish the song. He scribbled _Rosewood_? above it before turning off the lights and throwing the notebook back in his duffelbag. Time to get himself some actual sleep.

* * *

Lily woke up that next morning around eleven, finding Rufus still sound asleep. She looked to her right, noticing his mouth hanging open slightly. God, he was cute. She looked at his face, a little beard growing as he hadn't been shaving for a couple of days. Handsome guy he was. She felt terribly hungover and knew she should probably get herself some water. She wanted to stay in bed next to Rufus though. She moved closer to him and was glad when he wrapped his arms around her in his sleep.

The entire band would leave later this afternoon in the mini van that had been arranged for them. They would be performing in several cities with two bigger bands, as their opening acts. The first leg of the tour would be with Bon Jovi, which she was so excited about. She loved their music, and she was so excited that Linocoln Hawk was able to perform with a group of musicians like them. Lily knew she was about to go through some changes though. Touring in a mini van, with not only Rufus in it but Mike, Vince en Paul as well, was quite different from what she was used to. The luxurious, spacious life she used to live was the complete opposite from what was going to happen now.

Her thoughts got interrupted when she felt lips in her neck. "Good morning, beautiful."

"Morning."

Rufus squeezed her a bit closer to him before murmuring: "Jesus, I've got a headache."

Lily chuckled. "Me too. You want some water?"

"Hmm.. I'd rather stay in bed with you for a bit longer and take you out for brunch."

Lily moved herself to face him. "I think that's an excellent idea."

She gently picked his lips, the kisses quickly turning into hungry, passionate kisses. Rufus moved himself on top of her and Lily's hands squeezed his ass. God, was she ever going to get enough of this guy?

* * *

"So…."

Rufus looked at Lily as they stood in the mini van. He could tell she wasn't even trying to pretend it all looked good. In all honesty, he had to admit there really wasn't any way in which it could be seen as even remotely good. The van was old. There was enough space for them to sit in and chill, but actual sleeping? That was going to be a tough call.

"Yeah.." Lily felt as if she was about to cry; this really was horrible. On the other hand though, she was about to laugh hysterically. This was crazy. Lily tried to shake off all the awful thoughts, deciding that as long as she was with Rufus, things would be fine. She chuckled before she said: "Well… At least we'll have that true on the road experience, right?"

Rufus smirked. "Lil…. I'm sorry."

"Don't be." She threw her bag in one of the few corners that were empty before she grabbed his hand. "Let's just say this is part of the adventure as well." She kissed him before moving her lips to his ear. "Plus, I think this calls for us to be a bit more creatieve when, you know, we want to be a bit closer." Lily kissed his earlobe then, letting her tongue run past it briefly, before moving away again.

Rufus could already feel his arousal burning. How the hell was she always able to do that so effortlessly? He grabbed her waist, pulling her a bit closer to him before saying: "Or we could just christen the back of this van right now instead."

Lily smirked. "Now that would be wonderful, but I think it's time for us to leave."

She kissed him briefly before walking away. "Come, let's go get the guys and get on the road."

Rufus smiled as they got out of the van again to go find the guys, still holding hands. That woman… He knew that Lily probably hated this part of their tour; driving and sleeping in a mini van. Then again, Lily did have a yearning for adventure running through her soul. Things would probably go perfectly fine.

They were on their way to their next destination thirty minutes later. It would only be an hour drive, so that wasn't too far. They were all laughing and having fun. Vince was driving, with Mike next to him. Paul was playing the guitar, just casually, as Rufus and he were talking. Lily took it all in with a smile. She liked the guys. Yes, they were sometimes enjoying their newly-found rockstar status a bit too much. Going home with different girls after each show, drinking too much beer, smoking too much weed… They were good guys though, and, just as important, good musicians. She grabbed her video camera, deciding that this behind-the-scenes footage needed to be remembered as well. She turned the camera on, making sure the very first miles in the mini van were on tape as well.

 _Note: End of this chapter! I'll be super busy the next couple of days again, but I hope I can provide you with new chapters often anyway. Just a little teaser for next chapter... It will include Jon Bon Jovi himself. Haha ;-) . Please let me know how you guys feel about this story, I appreciate it a lot! XO._


	9. Rock & Roll

_Note: And chapter 8 is here :) . I'm trying to decide where I'm heading with this story, my head is so full with ideas that I sometimes get a little but confused. I appreciate your thoughts and ideas, so please let me know when there are things you'd like to read about! XO._

 **Chapter 8: Rock & Roll**

 ** _20th of October, 1987_**

Rufus walked down the barely lit hallway, backstage of the venue. Lincoln Hawk had just finished their performance, and in less then 30 minutes, Bon Jovi would be up. The crowd had been good that night; everyone had been super supportive and went along with everything they had done. Rufus couldn't help but feel proud.

"Hey leadsinger…. You were doing great tonight."

Rufus turned around to find a blonde standing behind him. He smiled at her and took her in; her hair naturally wavy, a little ring in her freckled nose and dressed in a long skirt and a short top that was barely covering her breasts. She smiled sweetly at him.

"Well, thanks, that's good to hear. How did you get back here though?" Rufus really did want to be nice, after all fans were good and necessary for Lincoln Hawk to grow, but he always wondered why it was that there were so many strange people lurring backstage after every show. It was a silly question though; he knew either Paul, Vince or Mike had invited her.

"I'm with my friends, Mike invited us…"

Rufus made his way to their break room backstage, were he and the guys usually relaxed before and after their show, as the blonde followed him. "Well, I think Mike is somewhere around here so.."

He wasn't prepared for the blonde pushing him against the wall though. "What are you doing?"

She strategically placed one of her legs in between his, giving him her best bedroom eyes as she said: "I wasn't really coming here for Mike though…" She moved herself a bit closer to Rufus, who was starting to get slightly uncomfortable. "I think the lead singer is so much better looking then him..."

"I'm sorry to dissapoint you, but I'm taken…"

The blonde eyed him suspiciously and let out a chuckle. "How can a band's singer be taken?"

"I'm sorry honey, but I think it's best if you either go find Mike or just leave."

Rufus had to admit he was a bit relieved when he heard Lily's voice. He looked at her; she was looking fine again. Black leather pants, a dark green cropped top and her hair up in a messy ponytail. He sometimes wondered to what he had deserved to find someone like Lily. Yes, tons of girls threw themselves on top of him after shows. Lily loved him for other reasons though; not because he happened to be the singer of an upcoming band.

The blonde turned and let go of the hold she had on Rufus as she said: "Don't honey me, plus, you can't tell me what to do… Who are you anyway?"

"I'm his girlfriend, so I think I can perfectly fine tell you what to do. Now either go find Mike or leave." Lily raised her eyebrows. These girls were getting sassier every darn show, although she really couldn't blame them. Rufus was hot after all.

The girl took off without another word, leaving Lily and Rufus together in the hallway. Rufus grinned as Lily walked up to him and pinned him against the wall. "Hey."

"Hey beautiful. Thanks for helping me there."

Lily chuckled. "No problem… You know who you belong to." She winked at him before she kissed him. Rufus his hands immediately went down to her ass, squeezing her bottom as he pressed her closer against him.

"No one else I'd rather belong to then you, my dear."

Lily smiled. "You guys did great again tonight."

"Thanks, babe." Rufus looked around for a split second, "Hey, I was thinking… We've seen the Bon Jovi show a couple of times now. I'm sure they don't mind if you and I take off for a little while."

"Hmm, I'm not sure if Jon will approve if Lincoln Hawk's lead singer would take me out though…" She winked.

"Oh, Jon better approve… Come, let's go!" Rufus grabbed Lily's hand as they walked out to the back of the venue where the tour busses and mini van were stalled. It was quite warm for an October night, and the sky was clear, showing a decent amount of bright stars.

The corner in which their mini van was parked was dark, and Rufus was glad to see there was no one else in sight. He motioned for Lily to wait as he duked into the van, grabbing some blankets, a bottle of whiskey and a brown paper bag. Once he got out again, he said: "Okay, follow me."

Lily chuckled. "Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise, you'll see in a bit, come on." He grabbed her hand and led her down the steet, into the nearest park. After less then 5 minutes they reached a little pond, the water shimmering in the moonlight.

Rufus smiled as he put one of the blankets in the grass. "Okay, so, a beach is probably a bit cuter and romantic, but, you know.. It's gonna take a while until we reach the westcoast. So this pond will do, I guess." He chuckled, sitting down with the bottle of whiskey in his one hand and the brown paper bag in the other. "Come, sit."

Lily sat down next to him. "This is nice, Rufus."

He nodded. "Yeah… I eh, I got a little gift from the guys." He held up the brown bag, and Lily was quite sure there would be some joints in there. She chuckled. "I assume that's a little stash of weed?"

Rufus shrugged. "Yeah." Lily chuckled. "Well, I think that's a wonderful idea."

Lily had to admit they had been smoking that stuff a bit too much lately. Where in the beginning it were mainly Mike and Vince smoking, it had now been kind of a thing they all did together occassionally. On the road in the mini van, in the afternoon before Lincoln Hawk would hit the stage. It just felt so… Relaxing. She leaned against Rufus as he was grabbing whatever they needed.

Ten minutes later, ther first joint was inhaled and Rufus felt himself completely relaxed. He moved his arms around Lily as he pulled her closer.

"Hmm?"

She looked at him and he smiled. Rufus took in every single feature of her face. He'd seen it all before, but whenever he'd been smoking pot, she seemed even more beautiful. If that was even possible. He looked at her skin, her lips, her eyebrows, the tiny tiny lines that started forming near her eyes… Lily was so radiant, so full of life.

Rufus cupped her cheeks before he whispered: "I fucking adore you, Lily Rhodes."

* * *

They returned to the rest of the band an hour or two later, completely happy and intwined in each other. With their arms around each other, they arrived in the break room, were Mike was making out with a tiny brunette and Vince was sitting on the big grey couch with Anne, a girl who had been with them for a week now. Lily didn't really have a chance to talk to her yet, but she seemed nice. Paul was missing, as was Max, Lincoln Hawk's tourmanager.

Vince noticed the couple had returned and smiled. "Guys! We were missing you!"

Rufus chuckled. "Yeah, we had some stuff to do.." He dropped himself on the other side of the couch, dragging Lily with him so she was in his lap.

"Please tell me I can still sit in our van without having to worry about sitting in your body fluids…"

Lily chuckled and stuck out her tongue. "I wouldn't count on that, mister."

Vince's face grimased, but Anne chuckled. Lily smiled; Anne did seem cool.

Rufus' hand was on her thigh, kneeding it gently every now and then. "So, Bon Jovi's already done with their show for tonight?"

Vince nodded. "Yeah, Paul and Max are with them now. The guys wanted to hang out with us tonight, apparently they're throwing a little party in one of the penthouses nearby."

Lily smiled. "Oh, that's nice!"

As on cue, Paul and Max walked in, followed by Jon and Richard, who was called Richie by pretty much everybody. David was there as well, and Alec. They greeted everyone in the room.

"Time to party! Come on guys, the car's waiting out front!" Richie called out. Everybody stood up, grabbing their stuff, all excited to go and have fun. Lily waited patiently; all she had with her was a tiny bag with some money and lipstick, and her camera of course.

Jon came up to her as she was standing. "Hey."

"Hey."

"Did you enjoy our show tonight?"

Lily smiled sweetly. "I eh… I actually have to admit I didn't see all of it tonight. Rufus and I got a little.. Distracted."

Jon chuckled. "Ah… You're Rufus his girl, aren't you?"

Lily nodded, and Jon smiled. He placed his hand on her shoulder as he said: "Well, that's too bad for me. You're cute."

He winked at her before walking out, and Lily couldn't help but chuckle. Did Jon Bon Jovi really just hit on her?

"What are you smiling about, beautiful?" Rufus came up to her with a grin on his face and Lily chuckled. "Nothing, come on, let's go, I don't feel like walking all the way up to that penthouse!"

* * *

The moment they got in to the penthouse, they felt as if they had walked into a completely different world. Yes, they had all tasted a tiny bit of the rockstar life i the last couple of weeks. But this…. The room was filled with people, mainly man in leather pants and women wearing close to nothing. Bottles of champagne were everywhere, the music was loud, and Lily noticed people using drugs in pretty much every corner of the room. Joints on the left, cocaine on the right… Everything seemed possible. Everbody seemed so happy, so full of love and life…

Rufus handed her a red cup filled with liquid and she threw her arms around his neck. She kissed him before she said: "I already love this party."

He chuckled. "Well, I love you."

"Hmm, I love you too." She kissed him again before she said: "I have to go to the bathroom, I'll come find you in a bit."

Rufus nodded and Lily slowly walked away, trying to locate the exact place of the bathroom in this huge place.

She opened one of the doors, finding a bedroom behind it. She opened the door next to it, and was met with a woman's scream. Lily noticed the woman, naked, on top of a guy. "Excuse me.." she murmured, as she closed the door. Where the hell was that toilet?

"What are you looking for, doll?" Lily felt an arm being draped around her waist, but she was too intoxicated to really care for it. She looked to her side and found Jon next to her. She had to admit she was quite happy that it was someone she at least knew a bit, instead of some kind of creep.

"Jon, hey… I was looking for the bathroom."

"Well, that's not the right door."

Lily chuckled. "I know, I kind of caught two people in the act right there."

Jon smiled. "It's the second door on the left. Give me your drink, I'll wait for you."

Lily handed him her drink and smiled. "Thanks, that's nice."

She returned a couple of minutes later, her hair a bit less tousled and her lips freshly painted again in a dark berry color. She approached Jon with a smile. "Thanks. So… These are your kind of parties?"

Jon chuckled as he leant against the wall. "Yeah… We have these sort of evenings every now and then. You don't like it?"

Lily smiled. "I do like it, actually. Everyone here seems so… Nice. Happy."

Another chuckle escaped from Jon's lips. "I don't mean to spoil your dreams there, but I think the coke and alchohol are partially to blame for that too."

Lily chuckled. "I figured… But still. It's nice. Everyone's so laid back. I like it."

"Well, that's good." They stood together in silence for a while, and Lily figured she should get back to find Rufus and her friends. She was about to speak up when Jon said: "How did you and Rufus meet?"

A smile appeared on Lily's face as she said: "We ran into each other in LA… I was walking the streets alone at night, he insisted on walking with me. We lost each other after that night, but ran into each other in New York a couple of months later."

Jon wiggled his eyebrows. "Faith, huh? Your knight in shining armor."

Lily chuckled as she bit her lip. "You know, I never really believed in faith. But this… He and I, yeah… Maybe it is faith."

"The two of you seem happy, very much in love."

"Hmm, I think we are." Lily smiled.

Jon nodded. "That's good… Just be careful, honey. A relationship seems hard to obtain in this rock and roll business."

Lily eyed him suspicously. How had their nice conversation suddenly gotten such a bitter turn?

Jon continued, seemingly oblivious to her change of behavior. "I don't mean anything by it, you and Rufus seem good together. I'm just saying… I don't want your heart to get broken." His hand lingered on her waist for a little bit as he stared into her eyes. "There are so many temptations, you know… Alcohol, drugs, women, men…." Lily didn't really have the time to question him though; he fled soon after, leaving her on her own near the wall.

The mixture of alcohol and a hint of weed in her body mixed with Jon's words made her think. Perhaps it was going to be difficult for her and Rufus' relationship to survive. Lincoln Hawk was gaining popularity everywhere they went and girls were throwing themselves at him. Lily wasn't insecure about herself, or her feelings for Rufus. In all honesty, she wasn't insecure about him and his feelings for her either. Those girls at all those shows though, they were the ones that Lily didn't trust. She sighed out loud; she shouldn't worry so much. Definitely not when at a party like this.

She walked away, back into the mass of people partying, searching for Rufus. Lily quickly found him in one of the corners, sitting with Mike, Paul, Richie and Jon. Lily decided not to pay any attention to Jon as she approached Rufus from behind, wrapping her arms around him as she kissed his neck.

"Hey beautiful." She loved how he always knew it was her. Rufus turned so he could face her, a huge grin on his face. Lily noticed a little trace of white powder on the tips of his nose, realizing they were probably in the cocaine corner at the moment.

He kissed her before moving his lips to her ear. "The guys gave me a little present… You want some too?"

Lily shook her head. "I'm good, thanks.. I didn't know you did… That stuff."

Rufus moved himself so he could face her, as he held her hand in the process. "I don't usually do that stuff, as you call it. I just… Wanted to try. It's no big deal." Rufus kissed her again as he pulled her closer to him, resulting on her falling in his lap. Lily smiled. Perhaps if she'd been sober, she would be me worried about using cocaine. She had enough experience with the stuff when in LA, and not everyone was able to occassionally sniff some without consequences. At the moment though, she really didn't care that much. Rufus knew what he was doing. He always knew what he was doing.

Lily cuddled up closer to him as she felt his hands closing around her waist. God, she loved that guy.

"Lil, give me your camera!" Vince impatiently looked at her as she turned her head. "Why?"

Vince rolled her eyes. "You guys are so cute, it's sickening. But cute. Anne wants to make a picture of you guys being all lovey dovey."

Lily smiled as she handed him her camera, not leaving Rufus' lap in the process. Anne seemed to know how the camera worked as she didn't ask a question, but immeditaly turned it on and pointed it towards her and Rufus. Lily looked at him, and Rufus looked at her. They both smiled, and Rufus leaned in to kiss her. He just couldn't help himself; he loved her more then anything in this world. The flashes of the camera went completely unnoticed by them as they got totally locked up in each other.

They didn't even hear Vince comment. "Ugh, guys.. Get a fucking room."

"Let them," Anne's hushed voice told him, "they're cute. Just like you." Anne pecked Vince lips before pointing her camera towards Rufus and Lily once again, capturing them at the very moment Rufus cupped Lily's cheeks, their foreheads almost touching, and a joyful smile plastered on both their faces. Anne made sure to click and take a picture, making sure the moment was immortalised.


	10. Jon Bon Jovi

_Note: New chapterrr! Thanks to my dear Guest reviewer (what is your name, then I can call you by name next time, haha ;) ) and lilyandrufus for leaving reviews every chapter, I appreciate them a lot and I'm very happy to know that at least the two of your a super excited for new chapters all the time, so good to is the longest chapter yet, I was first thinking about splitting it in two parts, but, well, no, this is more fun. It seems as if Guest (seriously, I need your name, haha) can read my mind every now and then, because this chapter, well, has some of the elements you described in your last review. I hope you guys enjoy, please let me know your thoughts as usual! XO.  
Rating: I guess this story kind of keeps getting back and forth between T-rating and M-rating... Just be aware of that :) ._

 **Chapter 9: Jon Bon Jovi**

 ** _21nd of October, 1987_**

Rufus could barely open his eyes. The sun beamed heavenly through the huge windows and were shining righ into his face. He noticed he definitely wasn't in the mini van, or in a place that was even slightly familiar. He could feel a head on his lap, and was somewhat relieved. At least Lily was with him though. When he moved to look at her though, he jumped up. "Fuck.." His head was hurting extremely, and moving so fast hadn't been the best thing to do. But why the hell was Vince sleeping with his head on his lap?

"Dude…" He nodged him, hoping Vince would wake up soon.

"Dude, Vince!" He pushed harder, causing Vince to open his eyes in shock. "What, what?"

When Vince noticed to position he was in, he quickly got up. "What is this?"

Rufus couldn't help but chuckle. "God, I don't know. My head feels awful…"

"Guess that's the alcohol. And the weed. And the coke."

Rufus his memory was slowly coming to senses. He rememberd him and Lily at the pond with pot, returning to the club, going up to the penthouse, doing coke… After that, his mind was getting blurry though. They were in that same penthouse though, that was a sure thing. "Any idea where our girls' at?"

Vince sighed. "I have no idea. Honestly, I don't even remember everything from last night. I only remember… Parts. Blurry, parts, I might add." As Vince was holding his head in his hands, Rufus sat up a bit higher and looked around. The place was a total mess. Bottles of champagne and beer were all over the floor. Confetti was all over the place, and several pieces of clothing were decorating the floor. He noticed some people on the couch in the other corner of the room; that appeared to be Paul and Mike. Richie was on one of the other couches, snorring loudly, and Max was on the other couch with some blonde. No Lily and Anne though.

"We have to go find the girls Vince, come on." Vince shrugged, not planning on getting off of the couch.

"Vince, come on.."

"Rufus, chill. Those girls can take care of themselves, I'm sure they'll be here some time soon."

Rufus shook his head. "Yeah, well, I'd rather find them first. Come!" He got up and grabbed Vince's arm, slightly irritated, as he was getting him up of the couch. "Okay, chill, Jesus…"

Vince followed Rufus, who stormed through the room, wondering where Lily could possibly be. 

* * *

Lily felt a warm body next to hers and she sighed; Rufus was warm, and she was about to scoot over closer to him when she realized how tiny his legs felt. This felt… Different. Her head was throbbing and she really didn't want to open her eyes, but something felt… Off.

She opened her eyes, noticing first that she was in a huge king sized bed, with satin white sheets. Fancy. Definitely not the mini van. She then noticed Anne's small frame next to her. She was somewhat relieved; sleeping in the same bed as Anne definitely wasn't a big deal. God, back in LA she had slept with three friends in tiny little beds… Nothing bad about that.

Her head was throbbing and it was getting worse. She sighed, wondering what the hell had happened the night before? Who's bed was she in anyway? She tried to sit up, careful not to disturb Anne, and was startled when she heard a voice.

"Sleeping beauty's awake, I see."

"Jon!" She noticed Jon in a chair in one of the corners, dressed in his boxers only. "What… Why.." Lily brought a hand to her head; she was in serious pain, and she hoped it would finally teach her not to drink that much next time. Probably not, but still. She looked at Jon again, hoping her blurry words would be enough for him to understand she needed to know something more about the night before.

"Relax, beautiful, no crazy stuff happened last night." Jon chuckled, and although Lily liked the guy, she was slightly annoyed with his attitude.

"Why am I here?"

Jon chuckled as he got out of the chair and grabbed his jeans. As he was putting them on, he said: "The party lasted too long last night… Everyone was getting tired… You and Anne were tired, the guys wanted to stay… I figured you guys could sleep in my bed… I slept in the chair, just so you know." He winked before moving his face away from hers again to look for his shirt.

Lily smiled, feeling relieved. "Oh… That's… That's sweet, thanks."

"No problem, gorgeous."

He hadn't finished his sentence yet when the door was opened with a bang, and Rufus and Vince stepped in.

"Lil, here you are, thank God!" Rufus scooted over to her and kissed her head. As Vince moved to Anne, carefully trying to wake her up.

"Hey… I was wondering where you had been."

Lily chuckled. "Don't worry, I'm good. Jon over there was being a sweetheart and gave me and Anne his bed."

Rufus moved his head and noticed Jon in the corner of the room, shirtless. He had a sly smile on his face, and Rufus suddenly felt a bit… Jealous. "Oh, did he?"

Jon shrugged. "It was no big deal. Beautiful ladies should have a good bed, getting some good sleep." He threw on his shirt then, as Lily gently cupped Rufus' chin and moved it so he faced her. "Hey. I've missed you." She kissed his lips gently. Rufus nodded. "I've missed you too. My head is throbbing though… Seriously, I feel awful." Lily rolled her eyes. "God, me too…"

Rufus smiled and said: "Let's get out of here. Get some food."

Lily nodded. "Good idea."

* * *

"So… You've slept in Jon Bon Jovi's bed, huh?" Rufus winked at Lily, who had just taken a big bite of the pancakes in front of her.

After swallowing, she chuckled. "Jealous much?" She stuck out her tongue and continued eating. The food was definitely curing her hangover. Slowly, but at least a little. Rufus however didn't seem to feel much better.

"No. As long as he's really stayed in that chair like he said, I'm completely fine."

Lily shrugged. "I honestly have no idea, but I don't think there's any reason to not trust him…"

She drank some of her juice as she looked at Rufus; he looked terrible. She placed her hand over his as she said: "Hey, are you okay? You look afwul… Hot, but awful." She winked.

Rufus shrugged. "I feel a bit… Bland, sad... I don't know. Tired. More then usual when I am hangover."

Lily smiled, but it wasn't a happy one. This seemed familiar; it was the cocaine. "Hey." She made sure Rufus looked at him before she said: "It's the drugs, honey. You'll be fine in a couple of days."

Rufus shrugged again as he said: "Don't be silly, I didn't even use that much." He seemed irritated, and Lily had to admit this side of Rufus was one she hadn't seen before.

"I'm not being silly, it's the truth. That's what drugs do, they make you feel happy and as if you can conquer the world, and the next day you'll feel sad… It's just what it is. Trust me, I've experienced it before."

Rufus looked at Lily, his lips pressed closely together as he shrugged her hand off of his before he said: "I don't need a lecture on how bad drugs are right now, Lily. I just want to eat."

"I'm not lecturing you, I'm just telling you the truth. Don't act so irritated."

"I wouldn't if you would just keep your mouth shut and let me eat, why are you so annoying," Rufus snapped.

Lily looked at him with surprise; that was just rude. She got up from her seat before she said: "You know, fine. You'll just eat. I'll see you later." She grabbed her purse and walked out of the cafe, irritated with Rufus' behavior herself now. She kind of expected Rufus to call out and apologize, but he didn't. She sighed; this was stupid. Fucking stupid drugs. 

* * *

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Lily recognized Anne's voice immediately and sighed. She'd been sitting near the pond where she and Rufus had been chilling the night before, smoking cigarettes in the sun.

She turned around and smiled at Anne. "Hey Anne!"

Without asking, Anne sat down next to her. She could tell Lily wasn't very happy. "What's up? I thought you and Rufus had gone out for brunch?"

"Oh, he isn't back yet?" Lily put her sunglasses on her head so she could look at Anne, who shook her head.

"I haven't seen him yet. What's going on?"

Lily sighed. "I think we just had our first argument."

Anne smiled. "Oh, yeah… Those things happen sometimes, huh?"

Lily shrugged. "Yeah, I know… It's just… He seemed so… I don't know, just not himself. He said he felt a bit off, I told him it was the aftermath of the drugs, and he just snapped, saying I was annoying and he just wanted to eat in peace." Lily sighed.

Anne nodded and grabbed her hand. "Hey, cheer up! It's just the freakin' drugs talking. Me and my ex had this shit as well… Difference was that he was a stupid ass and Rufus is a smart guy. He'll figure it out sooner or later."

"I know… I just hope it'll be sooner. I don't want him to ruin things for himself." Anne shook her head. "No, no, he won't. It was his first time last night, I doubt he'll use it again soon."

Lily nodded. "Yeah… Let's hope."

Anne gave her a reassuring smile before getting up again and holding out her hand for Lily. "Come on! We are going to get ourselves a nice cup of coffee, and then you're going to find Rufus and make up."

Lily couldn't help but smile; Anne's enthusiasm seemed to have a good effect on her. She accepted her hand and got up, before giving Anne a hug. "Thank you, Anne. It's good having you around."

Anne smiled at her after the girls let go of each other. "No problem. That's what friends are for, right?"

Lily smiled, and with their arms linked, they made their way to the nearest coffeeshop. "So, what is it with you and Vince?"

Anne chuckled. "Apparently I'm the only girl he stuck with for longer then three days, so I think I should be flattered."

The girls laughed and continued talking as they walked, eager to get themselves a good cup of coffee. 

* * *

Rufus was leaning against the mini van, lazily smoking the joint in his hand. He wondered why he'd snapped at Lily a couple of hours ago. She really had only been trying to help him, and, when thinking about it, she hadn't even said anything that was mean or even disrespectful. How stupid had he been?

He had been waiting for thirty minutes near their van now, hoping Lily would show up so he could apologize. When she still hadn't showed after he'd finished his smoke, he figured he'd just go find the guys. Lily had to show up at some point eventually. 

* * *

It was getting dinner time, and Lily and Rufus still hadn't managed to find each other. The band was free that night, and the next day they'd be moving to their next destination. Jon and his band had invited the guys –and their girls,- to come and hang out in their tour bus, which was an actual bus. Which meant plenty of space for all of them to chill and hang out.

When Rufus got there, he noticed Anne was there already and he made his way over to her. "Anne, hey! Do you know where Lily is?"

"Hey. She and I were together this afternoon… I think she went over to one of the motels to take a shower. She should be here anyminute."

Rufus nodded. "Okay, thanks." He couldn't tell if Lily had told Anne about their little argument; Anne definitely wasn't planning on saying something about it, that was sure.

He decided to relax, and grabbed a beer before walking to Richie, Mike and Paul, chatting with them about pretty much nothing.

* * *

Lily was rushing, knowing she was a bit late. Anne had told her they were all meeting around seven in Bon Jovi's tour bus, and it was almost seven thirty already. She had just needed a good shower. She hastily put on some make-up. Lily knew Rufus would be there as well, and despite her effort in trying to find him, she hadn't succeeded late that afternoon. Making up that evening would be it then. Their argument had been silly, but she did want him to apologize. She hated it when people snapped at her, especially if it was without reason. She took one last look at her outfit; she had thrown on one of Rufus' blouses, figuring it would suit her perfectly fine as a dress. She was wearing her grey knee boots underneath, and considered herself looking super hot.

Two minutes later, she had packed her stuff and was on her way to the tour bus, which was about a ten minute walk. The weather was still good and she enjoyed her walk, her mind wandering to their next destintion. They were heading towards the west, and Lily couldn't help but be excited about getting closer to the westcoast again. She loved it there.

"Hey doll!" Lily's pretty thoughts got interrupted when a male voice called out for her. Well, doll could be for pretty much anyone around, but she had recognized Jon's voice instantly.

"Hey! You're late.."

"So are you." He winked at her and Lily smiled.

"I know. Just had to get a decent shower."

"Hmm I know, that mini van isn't perfect huh?"

Lily chuckled. "It's.. Okay."

"You're not the kind of woman to be in a mini van though, I can tell. You're more this, west coast queen that's supposed to live in a mansion near the beach, with a huge bed with satin sheets and a jacuzzi on the balcony."

Lily had to chuckle again. "Well, that would most certaintly do. But, I'm fine. As long as I'm with Rufus… It's all good."

Jon nodded before he said: "I heard you guys got into an argument this morning?"

Lily raised her eyebrows. "How do you know about that?" Jon shrugged. "Word goes around fast."

Lily shrugged. "Yeah, we did… But it's nothing big, it's fine already." Jon nodded, and Lily could tell he didn't really believe her, but he was letting it slide anyway. Perhaps that had to do with them reaching the tour bus as well. He opened the door and said: "Well, after you babe," before she made her way into the bus.

Rufus noticed the door of the bus opening immediately. Perhaps because he had been sitting strategically in front of it to make sure he'd notice if Lily would be walking in. He was relieved to find her entering, looking freakin' hot, he had to add. He was a little bit less amused when he noticed Jon getting in right behind her. Why where they getting there together?

When Lily noticed him as well he was relieved to find her smiling at him. He took the last sip of his beer –his 3th already,- before getting up and making her way over to her.

"Hey."

"Hey… I'm sorry."

Lily nodded as she put her arms around his neck. "It's okay."

"No, it's not… You were right."

"I'm always right." She winked at him and Rufus couldn't help but smile.

"Yeah well, we can discuss that later, but, seriously.. I'm sorry, I was being a prick."

"You kind of were… But it's okay. I forgive you." She kissed his lips gently, but they both broke the kiss when they felt arms wrapped around them.

"Ah, the couple made up and is all happy again I see! Time for some Chinese food then!" Jon was standing next tot hem, a huge grin on his face, before dropping his arms again and letting them be again.

Rufus looked at Lily, an eyebrow raised. "You told him about this morning?"

Lily dropped her arms from around his neck and frowned. "No, of course not, why would I?"

"Well, you two seemed super cosy walking in here together…"

Lily crossed her arms in front of her chest, annoyed with Rufus' words. "So, what is it you're saying, that I ran to him to tell him about your stupid behavior this morning and get him to comfort me?"

Rufus got frustrated. "I'm not saying that, I'm just asking you a question."

"Yeah, well, I think it's a stupid question." Lily stormed off to the nearest table with drinks and poured herself a glass of wine, leaving Rufus behind who was trying to decide what to do. He really didn't feel like apologising. He shrugged and was about to walk over to Lily anyway when Mike appeared in front of him, bocking his sight of Lily, who was drinking her glass of wine as if it was juice.

"Careful, there." Lily again recognized Jon's voice and sighed.

"Jon, really, I'm not in the mood."

"Hey, lighten up!" Jon bumped his hips against Lily's to lighten the mood. "We're ordering Chinese, having drinks, having fun…"

"Yeah, would be even more fun if Rufus would lighten the fuck up."

"Oh, still not the happy couple then?" Lily sighed. "He's just so freakin' annoying, insinuating you and I have been flirting and stuff."

Jon chuckled. "Well, I have been flirting with you so I can't blame him for thinking that."

Lily shook her head with a smile. "Yeah, and that's fine, girls flirt with him all the time. He just needs to stop being so overdramatic."

Jon smiled and wiggled his eyebrows. "Come. Dance with me, cheer up. These are supposed to be fun times, no need for you to be sad."

Lily shook her head. "No, no, I'm honestly not in the mood." Jon grabbed her hand though, dragging her to the middle of the room and making some goofy moves in front of her. Lily couldn't help but chuckle as she looked at him. "Come on, Lil, don't be a party pooper. Do as I do."

Jon made some goofy elephant move and Lily couldn't help but continue chuckling as she copied his move. This was silly.

What was also silly was Rufus storming up to the two of them a few seconds later. "Lil, seriously?"

His eyes were dark and he didn't seem very pleased.

"Dude, relax, I was just trying to cheer her up!" Jon slapped his shoulder in a friendly way, but Rufus really wasn't planning on Jon getting even remotely friendly with him. "Dude, get out of my way."

Rufus grabbed Lily's arm and dragged her to the door, wanting to talk to her. Now. Outside. "Rufus, don't. Rufus!"

He closed the door behind them with a bang. "Lil, what are you doing?"

"Let go of me," Lily bit at him. "I don't like you holding me like this."

Rufus softened his hold on Lily and sighed. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have dragged you out there like this."

"No, you shouldn't have." Lily was turning around again to get back inside the bus, but Rufus stopped her.

"Lil, what are you doing?"

"I don't like it when you're acting like this… You are being possessive for no reason, we were just having fun."

"But you're acting all… Flirty with him."

Lily threw her hands in the air, slightly frustrated. "I'm just being nice, Rufus. Girls come flirt with you all the time, you don't see me going nuts over you being nice with them…"

Lily pressed her lips together as she looked at Rufus. He looked all… Cute, jealous, and slightly embaressed.

"Lil… I'm sorry for saying stupid things.. I know you wouldn't go to him for comfort after our stupid argument. I was being stupid, I'm sorry." Rufus held his hand out to her, hoping she would grab it. Yes, he was acting like a jealous prik. Yes, he was jealous. But he trusted her; he had no reason to doubt her at all.

Lily shook her head as she grabbed his hand. "Yes, you were being stupid. But it's okay."

He pulled her closer as he whispered: "You want to go eat Chinese or have fun together?"

Lily chuckled. "I want to do both… Let's get inside… Eat food, have fun with the rest."

Rufus pretended to pout as Lily dragged him back up the stairs that would lead them to the door again.

"Hey Lil?"

"What?" She turned around, standing on step above Rufus. He put his arms around her waist before he said: "Just for the record… I'll be nice, to Jon. Apologize. I'll tell him I head some kind of malfunction in my brain, or something."

Lily chuckled. "Yeah… I don't really care, but I think it's best for your sake. You're his opening act, after all." She winked at him before she kissed his lips. "Come honey."

He couldn't help but pinch her ass as she walked op the steps before saying: "You're hot, by the way. Who's shirt is that anyway?"

Lily turned her head to face him as she winked at him. "Well, yours of course. Come on!"


	11. Heart-Shaped

_Note: It's Sundayyy! Which I think calls for a new chapter :) . Rated M, just to be safe ;) . Please enjoy. XO._

 **Chapter 10: Heart-shaped**

 ** _1st of December, 1987_**

Lily looked at the ocean with a smile; it felt so good to be at the west coast again. They would get to Los Angeles in a week, and were now in San Francisco. Tonight would be Lincoln Hawk's first show there. Lily looked at het watch; it was 3 in the afternoon now, and the guys had been practicing for their show most of the day.

Anne had asked her if she wanted to come shopping, but Lily had declined. She really wanted to get to the ocean, take some shots of the Golden Gate Bridge from up close and far away. Lily smiled when thinking about Anne; the other blonde and Vince were still together, still in love… Lily was very happy to have Anne with her. It was nice, having another girlfriend there, especially since Anne was such a cool one.

December in San Francisco usually meant foggy and humid, and today had been no exception. Lily loved it though; it made her photographs even better. She smiled as she walked near the water, slowly making her way back to the city centre where she would meet the guys later for dinner. She smiled when Lincoln Hawk crossed her mind. The guys had been doing so good lately; they had been published in several newspapers and even had scored some very good reviews. They were getting bigger and bigger and Lily couldn't be more proud. Rufus and her had been doing great the last couple of weeks, and Lily often wondered how it was possible for her to have found someone like him. They seemed to be the complete opposite of each other, yet they were each other's perfect fitting other half.

Despite the last weeks being wonderful together, Lily had to be honest and admit that it had been tough sometimes as well. Lincoln Hawk was obviously consuming most of Rufus' time, and though both he and her love dit, it came with some less attractive sides as well. Lily was glad Rufus had not been using cocaine anymore, but the other bandmates had become regular users. Bon Jovi and them had seperated their ways two weeks before, and Lily had hoped the use of drugs would leave with them. Unfortunately that hadn't been the case. Lily tried to shake it off though; those other guys weren't her concern. Besides, Lincoln Hawk would be performing a couple of shows on their own, which was obviously something great. They would continue with Jon and the boys after that,  
but still. It was quite an achievement in Lily's opinion, and she was definitely a proud girlfriend.

* * *

"Hey!"

"Hey beautiful!" Rufus kissed Lily, noticing her relaxed and happy face immediately. "You look good."

"Yeah, I've had a good day. How about you?"

Rufus nodded. "It was good. Performing went good. Show starts at eight thirty, I'm excited!"

Lily chuckled. "Well, that's good… Hey, I was thinking.. We have a couple of hours left before you start… I want to do something fun."

Rufus wiggled his eyebrows. "Fun?"

"Not that kind of fun?" Lily winked. "You wanna come?"

Rufus smiled. "Do I ever not want to come with you?" Lily chuckled and grabbed his hand before dragging him outside. 

* * *

"Uh… Lil… What are we doing here?" Rufus raised an eyebrow as he looked at Lily, an amused grin over his face.

"Well, I want one!"

"You want one?"

Lily chuckled. "Yeah, you want one too?"

Rufus shook his head. "I think I'll pass, I'm good for now, but thanks. You sure?"

Lily gave him a playful push. "Don't be such a spoilsport, it's just fun!"

"Yeah, well, just remember for it tob e fun when your an 80 year old lady, with your skin all wrinkled and your boobs down to your knees."

"Hey!" Rufus stuck out his tongue before he said: "Just messing with you. You'll be beautiful no matter what, obviously."

"Obviously. And I don't think you really got a say in this since your sporting this massive bird on your arm."

Rufus chuckled as he threw his hands in the air. "Okay, okay, I won't say a thing. You sure?"

"Absolutely!" Lily opened the door of the tattoo shop with a grin on her face. This was going to be fun! Rufus followed her, an amused smile still on his face. Lily could be such a crazy ass sometimes. She had always been bugging him on how he had such a huge ass bird on his arm, always adding how much she hated freaking birds in general. Apparently tattoos itself weren't something she hated, though he had never expected her to actually get one.

As they were waiting in line, Rufus pulled Lily closer to him as he whispered: "What are you getting?"

Lily smiled, a small grin on her face as she said: "Well, I was thinking about your name, maybe under my boobs." She wiggled her eyebrows.

"Lil, serious?" Rufus' mouth dropped, and he was thinking of all possible ways to tell her that, despite adoring her, this might not be the best idea.

Lily couldn't keep her straight face any longer and started chuckling. "No, of course not, silly. I love you very much but I don't do names on my body. I think I will curse us if I do."

Rufus shook his head and was about to reply when the girl behind the counter said: "Hi, how can I help you guys?" 

* * *

"Show me again?"

Lily chuckled. "You've seen it, like, fifty times already!"

"Don't care!"

The two were in a motel bed; Rufus had been dying to get out of the van for a night, and Lily really hadn't complained. After the concert had ended, they had decided to head straight for their room, get some time together. They had jumped in the bed ten minutes ago, Rufus in a pair of joggers only and Lily in one of Rufus' way too big t-shirts. Her face was free of make-up and her hair was messy and tousled. Rufus loved her like that.

She chuckled again before lifting her shirt up a little, and pushing her thong a bit to the side, revealing a tiny tattoo on her hip. "God, I wish it was already healed so I could kiss it without hurting you?"

"Ah, yes, that maybe has to wait until tomorrow. Or the day after." She shook her head as she smiled at Rufus, who gently traced the tiny tiny heartshaped figure on her hipbone. He thought it was so cute and so adorable. Just as Lily was, though probably not everybody would agree on that one.

He was taken by surprised when she suddenly moved, pushing him down as she crawled on top of him. "Well, hello…"

"Hey." She smiled sweetly at him before leaning down to kiss him.

"Hmm.." He looked up when she broke their kiss, innocently moving away from him again and getting up. "What are you doing?"

Lily grinned at Rufus before she said: "I was thinking about taking a long shower…." She got out of bed, giving Rufus a good look at her long legs. "Oh no, you're not going anywhere."

He jumped out of bed in a second, grabbing Lily as he pushed her against the wall near the tiny table in their room. Lily smiled. "Ah, what did you want to do then?"

She batted her eyelashes as Rufus moaned. "Jesus, how is it possible that even this makes me go completely nuts."

Lily chuckled as she leant in to kiss him again, still pushed up against the wall. Rufus had done a great job of pinning her against it, not giving her the ability to even move slightly. Her hands were free though, and she gently moved the mto his ass, squeezing it while Rufus moved his lips to her neck.

"You've got the best ass, you know…" Lily murmured, before letting a moan escape her lips.

"Yours is even better." He moved his hands so he could access her back and squeeze her bottom. It was perfect. Rufus moved his lips back to hers again while he moved one of his hands down to her thong. He rubbed the thin fabric gently, feeling its warmth and moist already as Lily moaned loudly.

"Fuck me, Rufus." She'd uttered those words softly, but Rufus had heard them perfectly fine.

He moved his lips to her ear again and nibbled before he said: "What did you say?" He pressed himself against her, his erection getting in touch with her body as she hissed: "Fuck you, you heard me perfectly fine."

In a quick swifte move, Rufus grabbed Lily and turned her around before he pushed her against the little counter. He eagerly grabbed her thong as he pushed it down, not even caring about being gentle or sweet this time. He just really needed him inside her. Now.

Lily moaned; she loved it when Rufus was getting all fired up and rough. It made her even more turned on.

He entered her without a word, causing her to moan out loud. Rufus thrusted, hard and fast, as Lily tried her best to keep herself steady. "Fuck, Rufus…"

"Honey, you feel so good.." His voice was raspy as he uttered those words and Lily moaned. His thrusts were getting even faster and Lily could feel herself building up quickly to her point of release. Rufus was honestly the only man who knew exactly how to make her come; it felt so good. "Rufus, I'm going to come," she panted.

"Come baby." He bent his head so he could kiss and lick her neck as Lily's breaths got even faster. "Rufus.. Oh, Jesus… Fuck. Fuck!" Rufus could feel her body tremble and made sure she wasn't going to fall as he thrusted one last time. "Fuck, Lil." Her coming was all it took for him to come as well.

He kissed her neck as he whispered: "You're so beautiful."

Lily only let out a pleasureable sigh as she leant back, leaning against Rufus for a short while. "I love you…"

Rufus kissed her hair. "I love you too, Lil."

 ** _2nd of December, 1987_**

Lily and Rufus were strolling down the streets, laughing and talking as they walked though the city. Rufus noticed an art gallery on the other side of the street and said: "Hey Lil, you want to go check that gallery?"

He pointed to the other side of the road as Lily smiled. "Sure… I didn't know you had a thing for art."

Rufus smiled as they cross the street. "Ha, something new for you then. I eh, I'm actually not sure if I have a thing for art. It can be… Nice, though."

Lily chuckled. "You're fascinating sometimes, mister." She entered the gallery and Rufus followed her. Lily noticed a toilet sign and had to admit that came in handy. "Babe, I need to use the bathroom first. I'll find you in a bit." She kissed his cheek before moving away, leaving Rufus on his own to check the stuff in the gallery. It was quiet, he seemed to be the only one in the room.

He lazily walked through the room, stopping when he noticed a big canvas with pastel colors. It was abstract, and slightly strange… But very intriguing.

"Hi, can I help you?"

Rufus turned to find a blonde behind him. She smiled at him and he smiled back. The blonde was petite, with her honey blonde hair down her shoulders in a long braid, wearing a long flowy skirt with a short sweater on top. It looked… Quite bohemian, and oddly enough Rufus figured the girl could pull it off.

"Hi! Well, actually, I was just looking. This one's nice though."

The girl smiled. "Well, thank you. It's mine, actually."

Rufus smiled. "Oh, you're kidding? Well, I think it's great, if it would've had space to hang it in my mini van I would have definitely bought it."

The girl chuckled. "I don't even want to know why you want art in your mini van."

Rufus shrugged, realising how weird that must've sound. "Oh, yeah, this probably seems weird. I don't live in a mini van… Well, I sort of do now. I'm touring, with my band, we're performing… We're on the road in this mini van."

A smile was still on the girl's face as she nodded. "I see. Seems legit." She gave him her hand as she said: "I'm Alison."

"Rufus, hi!" The phone rang on the other side of the gallery and Alison excused herself. "Sorry, I've got to get that one."

"No problem. We're playing in the Fillmore tonight at nine, in case you're bored. Bring your friends!"

Alison smiled before walking away as Rufus moved again so he could look at the painting. That girl sure knew how to paint.

Rufus felt a pair of arms around his waist and could smell Lily's perfume. "Hey. Seen something you like?" Lily kissed him before letting go of him again.

"Well, this one's nice. Not that there's any room for it, but it looks good." Lily nodded. "Yeah, it's pretty. I like the colors."

Rufus nodded. "I do, too. Come on, lets get out of here. You want some coffee?" 

* * *

Lily took a picture of the Lincoln Hawk on stage with a smile. They were doing so good tonight. She made her way over to the bar where she found Max, who had obivously been drinking a couple of beers already. "Lil, hey! I'd like to introduce you to…"

Max his voice came to a halt, realizing he had completely forgotten all about the names of the two girls next to him. They did not seem to care though as they chuckled and said: "Hi, I'm Meg." "And I'm Alison." Lily waved at the girls. "Lily, hi! I'm sorry, I have to get going, but I'll see you around."

Lily took two beers with her before heading backstage, knowing Lincoln Hawk would take a short break in about a minute or five, and wanting to give Rufus a drink. And a kiss.

"Where do you think you're going lady?"

Lily was entering the backstage door when a huge guy halted her. She looked up, annoyed, as she said: "I'm going backstage…"

"Yes, well, there are a lot of pretty things out there that want to get backstage as well, honey." The man, who seemes to be a security guy, crossed his arms in front of him as he looked at her with a smug smile on his face.

Lily put her hand on her hip. "Yes, well, I'm the only pretty thing out there that is Rufus' girlfriend so I think he'll appreciate it if you let me in so I can get him his drink."

The security guy eyed her suspiciously. "Everybody can say that."

Lily threw her hands in the air, frustrated. "Seriously? Go get Rufus then."

At that moment, Rufus and Vince came out of the door, talking and joking as Rufus wiped his face with a towel. He looked all hot and fired up and Lily loved it. He noticed her immediately. "Babe, hey, what are you doing here?"

Rufus kissed her as Lily handed him a beer. "I wanted to bring you your drink, but this guy over here didn't believe I was your girlfriend."

The big guy shrugged. "Sorry."

Lily looked upset, and Rufus chuckled as he pulled her closer. "You're adorable when you're all angry and pouty. Come with me, I need to find Max."

"Oh, he's at the bar with two chicks." Rufus kept his arm around Lily as they walked and he smiled. "Figures. I think he loves touring just because it provides him with all these ladies that want to get laid."

Lily chuckled. "I bet."

When they reached the bar, Max was out of sight and Rufus sighed. "Bet he's got a girl on her back somewhere already. Well, never mind then. Gives me more time to do other stuff." He took Lily's hand and quickly took her back to the backstage area were he pressed her gently against the wall and kissed her.

"Thanks for being her, Lil. It must be boring for you sometimes, watching the same over and over again… But I love knowing you're always waching."

Lily smiled. "No other place I'd rather be, Rufus."

 _Note: That was it again for today! Just something cute and fun, hope you all liked it. Please let me know :) XO_


	12. A Game of Truth or Dare

**Chapter 11: A Game of Truth or Dare**

 ** _15th of December, 1987_**

"Tequila party!" Mike screamed throughout the entire room, having all the guys in the room cheer with him after saying the words. Lily and Anne looked at each other and chuckled. This was going to be fun.

"Hey, hey, were is Max?" Vince looked around the room, their tour manager nowhere to be seen. He stood up to get a look outside of the room when Max bursted into the room, three girls by his side.

"Well hello, friends!" He entered the room with a grin before continuing. "Meet Meg, Alison and Sarah. I figured I'd bring some beauties for my Mikey and Paul as well."

"Hey Rufus!" One of the blondes excitedly waved at Rufus, who held up his hand and waved. "Hey, what a coincidene!"

Lily was too busy talking to Anne to notice the exchange, and Rufus could tell Alison was about to come over to him. She was interrupted though when Mike started talking again, his voice loud to make sure everyone would shut up.

"Everybody! I think it's time to celebrate… Well, just to celebrate! Nah, kidding, to celebrate our reunion with our favorite Jon! Make some noise for our favorite friends!" Vince and Paul started screaming and Lily and Anne whistled. Chuckling, Jon and Richie came walking in. They greeted the other bandmembers enthusiasically, and Jon turned around to blow Anne and Lily a kiss. They waved back and smiled, but Lily made sure to make her way over to Rufus afterwards.

Lily was completely oblivious to the blonde on the other side of the room that was keeping her eyes glued to Rufus his every move. She plopped next to him on one of the pillows on the floor. "Hey handsome."

"Hey beautiful." Rufus leant in to kiss her as he heard Paul behind him mutter: "You guys are so sickening sometimes."

Rufus didn't tear his eyes away from Lily as he made sure to smack Paul's head before kissing her. He then made sure Lily scooted over closer to him so he could hold her closer before he said: "So, tequila night, huh?"

Lily chuckled. "This will be fun." 

* * *

"Ladies and gents, it's time for truth or dare!" Max held his hands near his mouth to make sure he was loud enough to overrule all other voices in the room. Paul next to him shook his head. "Max, this always ends up in trouble."

Max shrugged. "No, this is fun! Guys, come on!"

Despite pretty much everyone complaining, Max got everyone to sit in a circle before he said: "Okay people, rules! Don't be annoying, don't take stuff too serious and have funnn. I'll do the honors and start. Meg, my dear, truth or dare?"

The brunette, who seemed too drunk already, chuckled and said: "I say truth."

Max shook his head. "So boring… But fine. With whom in this room would you have a threesome?"

Paul shrugged. "Dude, that is not the way to play this game."

Max stuck out his tongue. "Don't care. My game, my rules. Dear Meg, answer please."

She chuckled once again before she said: "I guess I'd go for Mike and… Hmm…" Meg looked around the room as she pointed to Lily. "Her. Sorry, didn't catch your name. But you're so pretty!"

Lily chuckled. "Well, thanks, honey."

"Not even me?!" Max dramatically put his hand on his heart as Meg shrugged. "Sorry…. Mike's just hotter, no offence. My turn, my turn!" She looked at Jon before she said: "Jon! Truth or dare?"

"Dare, of coure."

Meg chuckled. "Okay! Exchange shirts with the person next to your right for the rest of this game."

"You just want to see me shirtless, don't you?" Jon winked at her, causing the girl to blush, before taking of his shirt and handing it to Anne, who happened to sit next to him. She chuckled. "You're so not going to fit in this." She took off her top, causing the men in the room to whoo, before throwing on Jon's large t-shirt. Jon ended up wearing Anne's denim cropped blouse, meaning half of his belly was still uncovered.

"Yeah, you look beautiful, dude!" Max chuckled.

Rufus and Lily looked as the game continued, pleased to find they were currently still not picked for a truth or dare. Lily moved and whispered into Rufus' ear: "I think it's time for us to go…."

Rufus chuckled. "And why is that?" She nibbled on his ear before she kissed his neck and whispered: "I'd like to more of this to you."

"Well, I don't mind you doing so here either." Rufus cupped her cheek before moving her face so he could kiss her.

"Ahem?" Paul cleared his throat, hoping to evoke a response from Lily and Rufus, who however seemed to caught up in each other to notice. "Rufus?!"

Lily and Rufus broke their kiss and turned to look at Paul, who shrugged. "Guys, get a fucking room. The woman asked you something."

"The woman?"

Paul pointed to the blonde, Alison, and Rufus and Lily both nodded. Rufus couldn't help but feel slightly awkward; he hadn't really acknowledge Alison since she'd been here, which really wasn't very nice of him. She smiled sweetly though, before she said: "Lily, truth or dare?"

"I'd go for a dare!"

Alison thought for a minute. "I dare you… To kiss Jon, with tongue, for at least ten seconds."

Lily frowned. "Really?"

Alison nodded, clapping her hands in excitement. Lily couldn't really see the fun about it, but then again, it wasn't like she was not going to do it. It was just a game anyway. When she got up, Rufus was about to protest. He didn't like the idea of Jon kissing his girlfriend. He really didn't like the idea of anyone but him kissing Lily, to be fair.

Vince, on his side, nodged him though. "Dude, relax. It's a game."

Lily crawled next to Jon before she said. "Okay. Ready for the best kiss of your life?" She winked at him as he licked his lips. "You bet I am, doll."

The moment Lily's lips touched Jons, Rufus felt himself getting worked up. He really didn't feel okay about this, and the moment he noticed Jon's arms wrapped all around his girl, he got up. He heard Paul say: "Dude, chill, come, take another beer," but he really couldn't care less. He walked out, wanting to get some air without having to see Lily kiss another guy.

The fresh air felt good, and he looked at the stars for a moment.

"Hey! Hey.." He heard a voice behind him and footsteps quickly catching up with him. A hand was dropped on his shoulder and he turned around to find Alison behind him. "Why are you walking away?"

"I really don't feel like looking at my girlfriend making out with Jon, thank you very much for the dare."

"Oh.." Alison looked guilty as she said: "I didn't know she was your girlfriend. Just thought it would be fun…"

"Yeah… I don't really think it's fun." He kicked against a little stone near his feet, not really having the urge to talk to the girl.

"I'm sorry… I eh… I've been to your show, a couple of times… You guys are really good."

Rufus managed to smile a little as he said: "Thanks. Good to know." He looked at the woman, who smiled as she said: "I eh… I feel silly, suddenly, but I thought that you were single… I've been coming to your shows, hoping to run into you after them. After you invited me in the gallery, I thought.. Well, I don't know what I thought."

"Oh…"

Rufus wasn't sure what to say, but didn't really get a chance to reply anyway when he noticed Lily in the doorstep. "Rufus, hey…"

She walked up to him and grabbed his hand. "Hey, listen… I'm sorry. I… I, I don't know, I just figured, it's a game, no big deal… The alcohol is really blurring the lines here, I'm sorry, it was stupid…"

Rufus wanted to reply, but noticed Alison still standing next to him. He gave her a symphatetic smile as he said: "Hey, you mind giving us some privacy?"

"Uhm.. Sure." Alison did look annoyed when she left, before Rufus turned to face Lily again. Lily had noticed the other blonde, but really couldn't care less at the moment. She felt so bad for agreeing on that dare.

"Look, Lil, I just… You didn't even doubt, did you?"

She shrugged, her hand still holding his. "I just… I don't do well in these kind of games, Rufus, I don't have a limit… I just… Do. When I'm given I dare, I just complete it. I'm sorry, I should've known it wasn't a good idea."

Rufus pulled her closer. "Yeah, you should've… It's okay though. I… I know you didn't mean anything wit hit. It just… Was a bit fucked up to see."

Lily nodded, her cheeks a bit rosy. "I'm really sorry, Rufus. I know you think Jon's too flirty with me, it was stupid for me to think kissing him for a game was just an innocent thing to do."

Rufus smiled. She looked cute, he really couldn't be angry with him any longer. "It's okay, Lil. Just… Go.. Brush your teeth, or something. I don't want to make out with Jon one way or another."

Lily stuck out her tongue before quickly pecking his lips, causing Rufus to cringe his face. "Ieuw."

"Oh, don't be such a baby. Come… I think we should get our stuff and leave. I'm sorry, Rufus."

He pressed his lips together in a small smile. "I know, babe."

 ** _16th of December, 1987_**

The 16th marked their last performance in San Francisco before moving to Los Angeles, Lincoln Hawk and Bon Jovi reunited again. Lily smiled while standing near the bar, looking at the crowd and the stage while Lincoln Hawk was performing. Seeing Rufus all fired up and happy made her excited as well. He noticed her staring from up the stage as they were performing a slow song. Their eyes locked and Lily blew him a kiss. He smiled, and Lily shivered out of pleasure.

"Hey."

A guy jumped on the seat next to her.

Lily took a look; the guy seemed drunk, annoying and about thirty years old. She nodded and said: "Hey."

Lily could tell he was trying to make conversation with her, but she kept her eyes glued to the stage. She could feel the man staring at her, but she really didn't give him an opportunity to talk to her.

"Hey, Lil!" She looked to her side to find Richie there with a guy she had never seen before. "Hey! Don't you need to be backstage now?"

Richie chuckled as he shrugged. "Nah, wanted to get some drinks. And introduce you to my friend, Jim. He's watching our show tonight, I was looking for you and Anne so he'd have some friends to bounce back to."

Lily chuckled. "Anne's not here tonight, so he'll have to do with me. Hi, I'm Lily." She shook the guys hand, who looked at her with a grin. Jim was quite handsome; long, dark hair, piercing blue eyes… "Hi, nice to meet you. I can't say it bothers me to have you as my partner tonight." He winked and Lily chuckled. They continued chatting over nothing as Richie excused them to get back to his band and get ready to perform.

Rufus noticed the scene from up the stage. He continued his performance, a bit less enthusiastic though. He hated how every time he noticed Lily talking to a guy, he tended to get tense. It was silly and stupid, but he just couldn't help himself. He knew it was unfair; he himself loved to flirt as well. He just got so possessive over Lily. He knew that was only because he loved her as much as he did. Rufus tried to empty his head, continue performing his song with pleasure instead of worries about him and Lily. 

* * *

Rufus took a walk early that next morning, hands in his pockets as he walked through the city. It was early, not many people were out yet, and he sighed. Having Lily with him all the time was both a blessing and a curse. He loved her to death, but he knew he was quite possessive over her. Lily had once told him how much it turned her on, which he loved. However, he had to admit it sometimes made things hard.

Their relationship had gone so fast. He'd fallen head over heels the moment he had met her. It wasn't that what he doubted; he had never loved a person more than he loved Lily. Rufus wasn't even sure what exactly he was doubting, what exactly it was that was bothering him… He sat down near the ocean, on a rock. It was quite cold and he burried his face in his scarf as he looked over the ocean, staring to nothing in particular.

He didn't know how long he'd been sitting there when he heard a small voice calling out for his name. In seconds, he found Alison in front of him and he managed to press his lips into a tiny smile. "Hey, Alison."

"Hey… You're up early."

Rufus scooted over so Alison could sit next to him. "Yeah… I was up, couldn't sleep anymore… Figured I'd take a walk, do some thinking. It's cold though."

Alison chuckled. "Yes, it is, isn't it?"

They were silence for a little while until Alison murmered: "I… I wanted to apologize, again. It didn't really hit me that you and Lily really were a serious couple. I just thought, you know…"

Rufus smiled. "You just thought she was one of the many groupies?

Alison shrugged. "Don't want to be rude, but, yeah.." He chuckled. "It's okay, you couldn't know. But, yeah, we're… Serious. Serious, in love, all that stuff." Alison nodded, staring at her feet for a little while as she said: "It's a shame. For me, I mean."

Rufus shrugged. "Oh, don't be silly. I'm not that cute." He winked at her, and Alison couldn't help but chuckle. "I beg to differ. Are you okay though? You look a bit, I don't know, sad."

He shrugged again. "Yeah, I don't feel great. I… I don't really want to talk about it though, no offence. I think it's time to head back to my friends. You want to walk with me?"

Alison nodded as Rufus stood up and held out his hand for her. She gladly accepted as they made their way away from the ocean, back into the city again. 

* * *

Lily was smoking a cigarette outside of the mini van when she noticed Rufus standing a bit further down the road, talking to the blonde she recognized as Alison. Lily couldn't help but dislike the girl, for no other reason then her more then average interest in Rufus. And particularly because Rufus seemed to like the girl as well and actually talk to her. Where Rufus mostly was kind to his fans and just made a quick talk with them, Alison actually seemed to stick around a bit more. He seemed to enjoy her company, and quite frankly, it scared Lily a bit. She eyed the two as they seemed to be saying their goodbyes. It stung her when Rufus hugged her, but Lily also knew she was overreacting.

Rufus made his way over to her and the van and when he noticed Lily, she waved at him with a smile. He waved back, not as excited as she wanted him to be. He made his way over to her just when she'd finished her cigarette and she said: "Hey, you. I missed you this morning."

Rufus pecked her lips gently as he said: "I know, I couldn't sleep anymore. Took a walk, went to the beach…"

Lily smiled. "That's nice. On your own? I can join you next time, you know, I love the ocean."

Rufus nodded. "Yeah, by myself… But I'll make sure to take you with me next time." He winked before kissing her again and making his way into the van, grabbing some stuff.

Lily frowned though; why was he lying? He had obviously been with Alison. She wanted to ask him, but she was afraid he'd think she was being paranoid. She checked her pockets to see if she had any cash before making her way to on of the cafes nearby, getting some coffee. Her feelings were getting the best of her and she hated it; she knew she loved Rufus but why was he having such a huge influence on her? A little voice in her head told her because he was the only man she had ever, truly been in love with. Lily knew that was true, but dissmissed the though. Fuck, love could be hard sometimes.

When she passed a phone booth, she realised her next destination would be Los Angeles. She felt her pockets once again, happy to find some quarters before entering. She dialed a number, and was relieved when someone on the other side picked up. "Dad? Hey, it's me, Lily…"

 ** _23th of December, 1987_** ****

"Rufus?! You'll be up in five, you ready?" Max shouted, not bothering to actually look in the room where Rufus and his guitar were sitting. "Yeah, coming.." He sighed, preparing for another show in LA. They had been in LA for four days now, though it felt as if they'd been there for weeks. The main reason for that was that Lily had left the moment they'd driven into Los Angeles. Apparently, her father –music executive Richard Rhodes,- was living in Malibu, and Lily had decided to pay him a visit. Rufus wasn't upset about Lily wanting to see her father; he understood perfectly fine. He sighed though when he rememeber the conversation they had the night before she had left.

 _"Rufus, listen… I really, really want you to meet my father. I just… I, I think I need to spend some time on my own."_

 _Rufus shrugged as he turned and looked at Lily, who had been sitting between his legs in their bed in the mini van. "What do you mean?"_

 _Lily pressed her lips together, sighing. "I don't know… I…. Look, it has nothing to do with you, or my feelings for you… I love you more then anything or anyone I've ever loved… But it scares me sometimes."_

 _"What do you mean?"_

 _"It scares me… That there's someone I care so much fort hat it hurts me to even think about losing you in any sort of way. I.. I can't even explain how that feels." She cupped his cheeks with her hands before she whispered: "I've never been so scared of messing something up in my life, Rufus."_

 _"You're not messing anything up, Lil."_

 _"But what if there comes a point where I do?"_

 _"Lily, I love you… Come on.. Please? We.. We can visit your father next week, when we're off. I want you here…"_

 _Lily sighed. "It's only for a few days, darling. It's… It's nothing big. Just me, getting my head straight and being a bit more positive again."_

 _Rufus pulled her closer to him as he kissed her hair. "Don't ever doubt the love I have for you, Lil. I'll never let go of you. Never."_

Rufus got up and grabbed his guitar, knowing it was time to shine. Not having Lily's face in the crowd made him feel bad though. God, he felt like a lovesick puppy. He actually kind of was, if he was fair.

 _ **Note: So, I decided to give you a little peek of what is going on in the next chapter by adding this little part of the 23th of December as well. Christmas is coming up... Will Lily and Rufus celebrate together? Next chapter will be up soon, I hope you enjoyed this one as well. XO.**_


	13. Malibu Life

_**Note: New chapterrr! You guys must get so bored with me updating pretty much daily... I have news for you then, since this is actually the first time that I update without having a next chapter written already. How exciting! Haha, I hope I can keep up with my daily updates, but we will see. Please enjoy this one XO.**_

 **Chapter 12: Malibu Life**

Lincoln Hawk wrapped their show forty five minutes later. It hadn't felt as great as usual, but Rufus had been glad to receive a good vibe from the audience. After changing his shirt backstage, he made his way to the bar, wanting a beer. He was surprised to find a familiar blonde near the bar. "Alison? Hey, what are you doing here?"

"Rufus!" Alison excitedly hugged him. "Me and Meg decided to take a trip to LA! We knew you guys were performing here, she wanted to see Paul again…" Alison nodged her head to the side, where Rufus found Paul and Meg liplocked. He grinned. "Ah. Cute. You want a drink?"

Alison nodded. "Sure, thanks. Coke, please."

Rufus raised an eyebrow at her request, but ordered a coke and a beer nonetheless. They cheered, and afterwards Alison said: "So, how is LA?"

Rufus nodded slowly. "Yeah.. Good. I guess. It's all laid back, chill… People are good here, and I love the weather."

Alison chuckled. "I know! So, where is Lily?"

"She's visiting her father. He lives in Malibu."

"Oh." They stood in silence for a while, not sure of what to say. Rufus liked Alison, he really did, she was nice. But he really wasn't in the mood for a good chat. He just wanted to drink his beer and hope these days without Lily would go bye fast. 

* * *

"Hey, beautiful!"

"Rufus! I'm glad I finally got a hold of you." Lily's excited voice on the other side of the line made Rufus smile. He was too happy to hear her voice after four days. She'd called the venue they were performing in, and apparently, she'd been trying before.

"Yeah, I'm happy too. How are you?"

"I'm good! I'm actually in my dad's house now. He's out for business, I was about to go sit in his jacuzzi, wanted to see if I could get a hold of you first… I'm missing you."

"I miss you too." The thought of Lily in a bikini made him hungry for her and he added: "Wish I could be there to see you in your bikini…"

He could hear Lily chuckle. "Yeah, me too… Hey, I was thinking about that actually. Or, well not about myself in bikini but wishing you were here... You guys are free since it's Christmas, right? My dad is gone tomorrow evening, and since it's Christmas eve… I thought, maybe you could come up here and we could spend it here, together? We can stay here with my dad for Christmas as well, I'd love for you to meet him."

"I think that would be great, Lil." His inner self wanted to be over excited and happy, but Rufus decided to play it a bit easier. He wasn't going to mention to Lily over the phone how he'd been quite sad over the idea of spending Christmas without her.

"That's perfect. His address is 22470 Pacific Coast Highway. I can't wait 'till you get here!"

"I'll leave tomorrow morning honey, it's a thirty minute drive I think!"

"Perfect. Enjoy your evening, my darling."

"You too, beautiful. Enjoy your jacuzzi time…"

He could hear Lily chuckle on the other side of the line as she said: "I will… I wish you could see me sitting here without my bikini top on, between all these nice hot bubbles… See you tomorrow!"

She hung up on him before he could reply, leaving him with the image of her naked body. He chuckled as he gave the phone back to the receptionist and murmured a thank you before making his way backstage again. Naked Lily... God, he was happy to know he'd be seeing her the next day. He made his way over to his friends backstage, a smile on his face all the time.

"Boys! And girls!" Paul, Vince, Anne, Mike, Meg and Alison were sitting all together, laughing, chuckling and looking all…. A bit bedazzled.

Rufus chuckled as he continued: "Have you guys been drinking too many shots tequila in those fifteen minutes I was gone or what?"

Mike, who was smoking a cigarette, shook his head. "Nope." He pointed to the table in front of him, where Rufus noticed some white powder. "Ah…"

Mike continued. "We decided we should celebrate Christmas! Even though it's not yet Christmas. Join us!"

Rufus shook his head at first. "Nah, I'll pass, thanks."

"Don't be a baby, Rufus!" Paul called him out. "Just a little, for fun."

Rufus sighed. He was too easy to convince sometimes. "Okay, just a little…" 

* * *

"Fuck…" Rufus slid against the brick wall, too far gone to figure out what the hell was going on. A little cocaine had become a little more cocaine and Rufus could tell things had been going a little bit too far. He was completely oblivious to it at the moment though. His head was spinning and he felt overly happy and full of joy.

"You okay?" Alison almost tripped as she stood in front of him, her hair up in a messy ponytail. He grinned. "Yeah, yeah… This stuff, Jesus, it was strong…"

"I know, right?" Alison slid down to sit on the ground next to home. "Must suck, spending Christmas without your girlfriend…" She put her hand on his upper leg, but Rufus was too high to be bothered.

"I'm going to see her tomorrow, actually."

"Oh…So you won't be here for Christmas?" Rufus shook his head while Alison scooted over a bit closer and whispered: "That's too bad."

Rufus looked sideways to find Alison's face dangerously close to his. "Ah, you guys will have fun." Alison bit her lip. "It's not near as much fun when you're not around." She kneed his leg gently. Rufus didn't want his body to respond to it but he really couldn't help it. God, he missed Lily. And Alison had a good hand, he couldn't deny that. He couldn't keep himself from moaning, and Alison smiled.

"You like this?" She moved her hand up a bit, getting closer to his member that was actually starting to grow. "Alison… Al, this isn't a good idea."

He wanted to move away but Alison prevented him from doing so, putting her other hand on his shoulder as she whispered: "No one needs to know…" She crawled closer to him before letting her lips collide with his.

She tasted like strawberries and Rufus moaned in her mouth as he closed his eyes. His mind was getting blurry as his closed eyes caused him to see images of Lily. Lily crawling around on a bed, naked. Lily in a jacuzzi, her perfect boobs uncovered. He never opened his eyes as he got up, pressing Alison against the brick wall as he roughly kissed her lips. She started working on his belt as he roamed his hands over her body. Fuck, he missed Lily. He unbuttoned her jeans as more images of Lily rushed through his head. Lily smiling, Lily smoking, Lily's legs wrapped around him…

He didn't warn Alison as he roughly entered her, thrusting hard and quick. Even her moans sounded like Lily's in his head. He held her buttocks as he rocked himself against her, not caring for anything the blonde was feeling. It felt so good. He could feel Alison's body tremble against his as she moaned loudly. Rufus his mind made him forget about her though. It was all Lily, and it was all sex. He needed to come. Lily kept rushing through his head and the thought of her, naked, smiling and teasing made him come within minutes. "Fuck…. Fuck…"

 ** _24th of December, 1987_**

The cocaine hangover was a bitter one. It was one in the afternoon as Rufus stood in front of a gorgeous Malibu villa, ready to reunite with his beautiful blonde. His head hurt though and he felt groggy. So did the memories of fucking Alison. God, how could he have been so stupid? He shook the idea off of him; he was still deciding about what to tell Lily. Should he even tell her?

"Rufus!" When he saw Lily's smiling face running towards him to open the gate, he forgot for a moment about his stupid actions. She was looking so gorgeous. It was so warm for a December day, and she was wearing a long, tight green skirt with a cropped top on it and a white cardigan. Her hair was up in a messy ponytail –his favorite,- and her face was fresh and glowy. "Hey beautiful!"

"I've missed you!" Lily threw her arms around his neck before she kissed him. He smiled as they broke their kiss. "I've missed you too."

Lily grabbed his hand as she dragged him into the mansion. "Come, I'll give you a tour!"

"Is your dad gone already?" Lily nodded. "Yes, he left this morning… He will be home late tonight, so I think it's best for you to meet him during breakfast tomorrow. I've told his help tomorrow's breakfast is ging to be special, so she'll make sure there are some special things there."

Rufus chuckled as he followed Lily inside. A maid, a jacuzzi, a mansion… This was very different from the mini-van rock and roll life they had been living these last couple of months. "So your daddy's rich, huh?"

Lily shrugged. "I guess, yeah… Come on, I'll show you upstairs first." She jumped onto the stairs and showed hi her bathroom first. "And this," Lily said as she opened one of the doors, "is my bedroom. You'll get to stay here if you're nice as well."

She winked at him as he dropped his bags and looked at the huge bed in the middle of the room. "That bed looks very tempting…"

He was surprised when Lily gave him a little push from behind to make him drop face forward on the bed. He turned around and looked at Lily, who innocently smiled as she walked closer to him. She straddled him as she said: "I've missed you and that body of yours…" She kissed his neck, loving to have him close to her again.

Rufus moaned. "We'll never make it to the rest of the house if you continu like this…"

Lily bit the skin in his neck gently before she said: "Fine. I'll show you the rest first." She got up as Rufus pouted. "I wasn't saying I was complaining."

Lily stuck out her tongue. "Yeah, you're gonna have to wait right now."

She showed him the other rooms, the huge kitchen, a spacious living room with a beautiful fireplace and the yard, with swimming pool, jacuzzi and an outdoor kitchen as well. Rufus looked over the yard from the patio as he said: "Does your father like to cook?"

Lily smiled. "Yes, he does."

"It looks good. This place is beautiful, Kirsten. A little big, but beautiful."

Lily couldn't help but chuckle. "Come here." She held out her hand as Rufus stepped closer to her. He put his arms on her waist as he said: "What's up?"

"Nothing…" Lily bit her lip and smiled. "Just happy to see you." She burried her face in his chest as he carressed her back, glad to feel her warmth so close to him. His heart dropped though when he remembered his stupid, stupid mistake with Alison again. He knew he had to tell Lily. He was mentally kicking himself; why had he screwed up? Lily had told him how scared she was of screwing them up, and now he was the one who'd been fucking up. He kised Lily's head as she was in his arms before he said: "Come, I think it's time to unpack." Lily nodded in his chest as she murmured: "Yeah… And there's lunch waiting for you." "Perfect, beautiful." 

* * *

"Rufus?! Rufus!"

Rufus heard Lily's voice coming from downstairs and he chuckled. She had told him she would be preparing dinner for that night, but Rufus knew she wasn't the best chef in het world. He figured she'd need some help and he made his way down the stairs. He looked in the kitchen, but Lily wasn't there. "Lil?"

"Living room!"

Rufus made his way over and he looked around the room. It was dimly lit and Rufus didn't see Lily immediately.

"Lil, what are you doing?"

"Come."

He walked further into the room and was surprised when he noticed the fireplace lit. He was even more surprised to find Lily in front of it, smiling sweetly at him. She was wearing a black, lace bodysuit, covering op her private areas but making sure most of her body was seen through the see-through material. She was wearing high heels and was holding a bottle of champagne in her hand. Rufus gulped as he walked over to her. "Jesus, you look incredible… And hot."

Lily smiled. "Thank you…. I figured we should have an appetizer before dinner…" She held out the bottle of champagne, but both her and Rufus knew she wasn't necesarilly talking about the champagne. He cupped her cheeks as he kissed her lips, grabbing the bottle of champagne in the process to put ita way.

He pressed himself against her, knowing his erection was already growing rapidly. Lily moaned as she felt him, her arousal building faster and faster knowing how turned on he was getting because of her. His lips moved to her neck, gently sucking and kissing her skin as he roamed his hands over her body. He squeezed her buttocks before murmuring: "Fuck, I love your body. I love you."

Lily worked on his belt as she panted. "This. Needs. To go. Now." She eagerly unbuttoned his pants and pushed them down as Rufus took off his shirt. With his boxers on only, the two dropped themselves to the floor, which was luckily covered with a huge, fluffy plaid.

Lily straddled Rufus as she kissed him, her hips bucking when his erection touched her most sensitive spot. She moaned as she kissed his lips, his hands roaming all over her body. She made her way down his neck, to his chest and his abdomen. She looked at him for a second as she reached the waistband of his boxers, biting her lip as her eyes darkened.

"Lil, you don't need to…"

"Shut up." Rufus wanted to tell her again she didn't need to go down on him but she beat him to it, licking his tip with her tongue. "Oh fuck, Lil…" 

* * *

Lily was leaning against Rufus as they were sitting in the jacuzzi, both decently dressed in their bathing clothes. It was almost midnight, but the heat of the jacuzzi kept them warm as they were drinking the left-over champagne and looking at the stars.

"Rufus.."

"Hmm?" Lily didn't turn around as she said: "I'm so happy you're here. This is by far my favorite Christmas eve, ever…"

He smiled as he kissed her hair. "Mine too. I love you, Lily."

"I love you too."

They sat in silence again, looking at the beautiful sky. Although Rufus was pleased with their current situation and genuinly couldn't be any more happy then he was right now, he was feeling slightly sad. This apparently was the lifestyle Lily was used to. He had known it, but seeing her so vividly in this environment made him realise she really didn't belong in the world they were living in now. Sure, she loved it. But this was where she belonged. Could he ever give her this, and, even more important, did he want to live like this? All the luxury, all the wealth… It wasn't his style. Add to that the fact that he'd been having seks with Alison… God, it was screwed up. He let out a loud sigh, causing Lily to turn her face.

"What's wrong?"

Rufus shook his head, realizing only then that he'd been sighing out loud. "Nothing. I'm with you… How can anything be wrong?"

She smiled and pecked his lips before nestling against him again. 

**_25th of December, 1987_**

Rick Rhodes was a nice man. Or at least, that's what Lily had told Rufus the night before. Rufus had to admit though that he was at least a little bit afraid of walking down the stairs and getting down to the kitchen for breakfast with the father of the woman he loved.

"Don't be nervous, honey." Lily kissed him and smiled. He looked good. Lily knew he'd been trying his best, wearing a pair of jeans that looked nice, a pair of nice suede shoes and a white blouse. She unbuttoned the top two buttons before winking at him. "I like it better like this."

Rufus chuckled. "I bet you do." He looked at Lily's outfit for this Christmas morning. She was wearing a tight denim skirt, reaching mid thigh, and a dark green cropped sweater. She was wearing a necklace he'd never seen before, which looked gorgeous on her beautiful neck. Her lips were covered in a bright red color and her hair was up in a nice chiffon. Casual chic, he had to say. "You look gorgeous, beautiful."

"Thank you. You're ready?" Rufus took a breath. "I'm not sure. What if he hates me?"

Lily chuckled. "He is not my mother, Rufus. It will be fine. You both like music, that's a good start!" Rufus smiled. "Okay. Lets do breakfast then. Or brunch, perhaps… It's already eleven."

Rick was already waiting for them at the kitchen table, sipping his coffee while reading the paper. The table was filled with food and looked incredible. Rufus knew they had the help to thank for that, but it was impressive nonetheless.

"Dad!" Lily walked up to him with a smile and hugged her father. "Hey honey! You slept well?"

Lily nodded. "Yes. I'd like you to meet Rufus."

Rufus smiled at the man. He was dressed in a grey pantalon and a dark blue sweater. The man was so charismatic, even without having said a word to him. He seemed nice though. Rufus stuck out his hand to shake Rick's as he said: "I'm very pleased to meet you, sir."

"It's very nice to meet you too, Rufus. Lily has been nothing but positive about you. Please, sit, both of you."

The help poured them coffee, and after she'd left again, Rick said: "So your the man my daughter is so madly in love with?"

Lily's cheeks turned a light shade of red and Rufus grinned. "I hope so. I'm very much in love with her as well."

Rufus could tell Rick was taking a good look at him, taking another sip of his coffee before saying something. "Well, as long as you treat her right I'm very much okay with that. Just be careful kid, I'll find you if you do anything bad to her."

Lily chuckled. "Dad, don't."

"No, no, it's okay, I understand." Rufus looked at Rick before he said: "I promise you that I'll do my best to make her happy every single day." 

* * *

Rufus was drinking a glass of red wine as he walked to the far side of the yard, looking over the beach as he reached the end of the yard. This was beautiful; the ocean was making its typical noise and Rufus loved it. So calming, so natural. Lily had been right; her father was a great man. He was nice, funny and actually interested in him. He was relieved to find that Rick actually seemed to like him as well. Probably not anymore though after knowing he had slept with another woman two nights before.

He was surprised when he found an arm wrapping around him from behind. He smelled Lily's perfume immediately and smiled. "Hey."

"Hey. I thought you were with your father?"

"Hmm, I was." Lily replied as she put her chin on his shoulder.

"You were right, Lil. He is a nice man. A smart man, too. I like him."

Lily smiled. "I'm glad... I think he likes you too. He said I should go and spend some time out here with you. You wanna go to the beach?"

Rufus turned to face her and noticed her holding a bottle of wine and two glasses and smiled. "You're prepared…"

"Well of course. Come!" She walked to the right of the yard and opened a little gate, leading them to a stairs that brought them instantly to the beach. Rufus grabbed her hand as they walked in silence, enjoying the sound of the ocean and the sun that was almost completely down. 

"This is beautiful, Lil."

She smiled. "I know… It's great here." Lily squeezed his hands lightly as they continued walking until they reached a part of the beach covered by rocks. "This is my favorite spot…" They walked around them to find a little niche of the beach, covered in rocks while having a perfect view of the ocean. They sat down in union. Rufus was about to unbottle the wine but was prevented from doing so when Lily grabbed the battle from him.

"Not yet…" She whispered before crashing her mouth on his. Rufus answered in anticipation, and it didn't took long for Lily to pull him on top of her, her body covered in sand already. Rufus took a little break from kissing her as he lookde at her and murmured: "I've always wanted to have sex on a beach…"


	14. Twist of Faith

_Note: Hi all, thanks again to lilyandrufus and Jessie for their reviews! I know I went a slight different way with this story as opposed to what we know happened between Lily and Rufus but, well, I felt like doing that, haha. Here's the new chapter! Lilyandrufus suggested I'd flash forward a bit, and, drumrolls, I will. This chapter though has a tiny tiny flash forward, and, well, the next will have a bigger one. But for now, please enjoy this chapter and let me know your thoughts as usual! XO._ ****

 **Chapter 13: Twist of Faith**

 ** _31st of December, 1987_**

"You're excited for this party?" Rufus nuzzled Lily's hair and kissed her head quickly before letting her continue doing her hair again. She was making waves in her natural straight hair, and he had to admit it already looked lovely. She nodded. "Yes! A true Hollywood new years eve, very exciting." She winked and Rufus chuckled.

Neither of them had been too excited when Mike and Paul came up with the idea to attend a party in a club in Hollywood for new year's eve. Being with their friends was what mattered most though, so Rufus and Lily had decided to go along anyway. It would probably be fun nonetheless.

He watched her do her hair and make-up in silence, admiring her skills.

"What are you looking at?"

Rufus smiled. "Nothing. Just you. Being pretty." Lily chuckled and shook her head before continuing again. Rufus couldn't hide his smile as he kept looking at her. They had returned from Malibu two days ago, and Rufus had to admit it had done them both good. All Lily's fear and doubts seemed to have faded. She had enjoyed the time with her father, but she had been eager to get back to the life she and Rufus had been living. Rufus had been pushing his night with Alison out of his head; he had decided to not tell Lily. Alison had left, the chances of them running into each other were so slim… Rufus figured it would be stupid to jeopardize their relationship because of something so stupid.

"Rufus? Hey!" She snapped her fingers in front of him, brining him back to the present again as she chuckled. "You okay?"

"Yeah, sorry. Lost in thoughts. You wanna go?"

"How do I look?" Lily swirled in front of him and he smiled. She was wearing a pair of leather shorts with a cropped leather top and a denim jacket. Her hair was wavy, reaching underneath her breasts and her make up was fresh and clean.

Rufus pullde her closer to him: "You look beautiful as always." He kissed her as she chuckled. "You always say that."

"Yeah, because it's true."

Rufus and Lily arrived at the party at eleven. It was a rooftop party, and Rufus had to admit it looked like fun. There were all these decorations, this huge bar, this insane dj…. Lily chuckled as she nodged Rufus and said in his ear: "Look who's dancing on the bar already…"

She and Rufus both chuckled when they found Anne there, completely into the music, moving her slender body on the tunes. Lily hugged Rufus from behind as she said: "Next year will be the best year ever.""

Rufus spun himself around and looked at her. "I couldn't agree more with you, beautiful." He kissed her.

 ** _2nd of Februaru, 1988_**

"Rufus, where the fuck is that guitar?" Rufus grumbled as he heard Vince yell at him. "I don't fucking know, Vince!" "Go find it then."

Rufus sighed. He just wanted to sit, drink his beer, and do nothing. Lincoln Hawk would start performing again tomorrow. Things had been insane; ever since the end of january, they had become a headliner instead of an opening act. They were actually having their own opening act. How insane was that? They were currently getting through all their stuff , trying to settle everything and get things ready. He got up as he murmured: "Go fucking find it yourself," knowing he shouldn't be saying that out loud. Vince had been working on their guitars the entire day; it would've been rude to not even do this little thing.

He made his way over to the van of their opening act. Perhaps his guitar was somehow switched up with one of theirs. Rufus didn't bother knocking; had he ever knocked on the door of a tour bus or mini van?

The door opened with a swing, and Rufus was surprised to find a white ass facing him. He felt relieved to find the man was actually just pulling his pants up. "Dude, sorry, I was just wondering if.."

Mid-sentence, Rufus' breath stuck. He noticed a pair of familiar heels as the man turned around, not even remotely bothered by the fact that he apparently just got interrupted having seks. "Oh, no problem Rufus. Should've locked the door, huh?" A grin appeared on his face, and Rufus recognized the guy as Trent. Trent Reznor, the lead singer of Lincoln Hawk's opening act, newly formed band Nine Inch Nails.

Rufus was feeling flushed as he said: "You know what, I'll get back later.."

"No, no need to. We'll find that guitar of yours. Honey, I think it's time for you to leave…" Trent stepped away from the bench, revealing a blonde that was hastely putting in some earrings while trying to straighten her clothes. Her hair was tousled, and her lips looked swollen. "Lil?!"

"Fuck…" Lily rushed up as Rufus left the van, leaving Trent behind in slight confusion. "Rufus? Rufus, wait…" She followed him with her heels in her hands, not wanting to waste time trying to run on her high heels.

"Rufus!" Lily caught up with him outside, grabbing his arm.

"Lily, don't."

A cold shiver went through Lily's body; he never called her Lily. Never. "Rufus, let me explain.."

He turned around and looked at her. He sighed when he noticed her bare feet. "Put your shoes on, Lil, you're gonna get sick.."

"Couldn't keep up with you if I had. You're not going to run?"

Rufus couldn't help but smile. "No. Put on your shoes, please." Lily did what she was told as Rufus watched her in silence. How had they been able to fuck up so bad? Well, not even they… He was the one with the initial blame, after all.

"Rufus… Can we go somewhere and talk?"

Rufus shrugged. "I kind of have stuff to do for tomorrow's show."

"Just for a little while… I think we should." Lily's eyes pierced right through him and Rufus knew he couldn't ever say no. "Okay… Come." Out of habit, he grabbed her hand as he planned on walking to the coffee corner nearby. Lily held it. God, things felt so normal, yet so weird. They walked in silence as Rufus' mind ran off thinking about the moment things all went wrong.

 _"Alison? What a surprise to see you!" Rufus could tell Lily was being polite; she had never really liked the girl anyway. Running into her on a new year's eve party therefor definitely wasn't something Lily would be excited about. Rufus chuckled when noticing her obvious fake smile. "Lily, Rufus… Hello.."_

 _Alison seemed shocked. Rufus and Lily had been smoking and fooling around with each other in a quiet corner, a bit away from the party. Apparently, Alison had come to do the same thing. Her cheeks were turning red as she murmured: "I… I am so glad to see you two here, together again."_

 _Lily frowned. "Why wouldn't we be?"_

 _"Oh, I'm just so sorry, I really wasn't planning for it to happen, I, it was just a mixture of the drugs and.." Alison started rambling and Rufus interrupted her: "Alison, I don't think this is the time to.."_

 _"Wait. What are you talking about?" Lily eyed them suspiciously as Alsion's cheeks turned bright red. "You didn't tell her?"_

 _"You didn't tell me what?"_

 _Rufus looked at Lily, her eyes squinted together and her lips firmly pressed in a thin line. He sighed. "Lil… I'm, I'm really sorry.."_

They let go of each other's hand when they entered the coffee shop. Rufus ordered –two americanos, one with an extra shot for Lily,- causing her to smile sadly. They went outside with their coffees, sitting on a bench in the February son as Rufus said: "So… Trent Reznor, huh?"

Lily shrugged. "Don't even start…"

Rufus couldn't help but chuckle. "Didn't see that coming, that's all."

Lily shook her head. "God, neither did I. It just. Happened. He was being flirty, being nice… It just happened."

"Was he any good?"

Lily slapped Rufus lightly as she smiled. "God, you think you're so cute."

They were silent for a while. They both knew they were only joking around because they wanted to avoid the actual talk.

"Rufus…" She stared at him until he looked right back at her before she said: "How did we get like this?"

"Like what?"

She raised her eyebrow. "Rufus.. We just… We don't talk. We ignore each other, hope we don't run into each other and avoid every possible interaction. How..."

Rufus interrupted her as he said, with slight distaste in his voice: "You were the one who wanted to take a break and see what happened because you thought we'd been sucked together."

"Yeah, well, I wanted you to disagree on that one but you just seemed too eager to say yes to my proposition."

Rufus threw his hand up. "Lil, seriously, why would you propose something you don't even want?"

Lily threw her carton cup in the container next to the bench as she got up. "Never mind, Rufus. Apparently talking is a bad idea these days. I just… I guess I just hoped you cared enough to just fight and tell me how much you actually wanted to be with me, and me only, instead of agreeing on taking a fucking break and fool around with all those fucking Alison-like groupies."

Lily stormed off after that, leaving Rufus behind who murmured to himself: "What kind of fucking reversed psychology is that?"

 ** _3th of February, 1988_**

Rufus noticed Lily dancing in the crowd while they were performing. Even if he didn't want to notice her, he simply couldn't get around it. Her blonde locks were up in a high ponytail and her lips were painted in a vibrant pink color. She usually went for reds, but pink suited her equally as good. There was something vibrant about her, something firy… Even if you didn't want to, you simply couldn't get around it. Her beauty and her appearance was just out of this world. It killed him. Her words from the day before were playing over and over in his head. Rufus tried not to stare too much at Lily, but he knew he was failing miserably. He just couldn't get around it.

His heart dropped when he noticed Trent and the drummer kid from their band coming over to her. Lily smiled and danced with them. Why had he even wanted Nine Inch Nails to be their opening act? He should've gone for a fucking girl, at least then he knew for sure his opening act wouldn't have gone after the woman he loved.

Maybe he just had to tell her he still loved her; that he had never stopped loving her.

When their show ended though, Lily was nowhere to be found. He made his way to the back of the venue to get some air and kicked angrily at the door. "Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck!"

"Dude, what is going on?"

Rufus was surprised to find Mike behind him, his eyebrowd raised with question.

He shook his head as he said: "I screwed up."

"Lily?"

Rufus nodded and Mike shrugged. "Yeah, I figured there was a reason for the two of you not being all muchy muchy lately. What's wrong?"

"You got a while?" Mike nodded as he offered Rufus a cigarette and lit one up himself as well. "Tell me."

"I slept with Alison."

"What?"

"I know, I know. When Lily left for Malibu, the night before Christmas, when we all used… I was so blindsided, completely screwed up. My mind really couldn't tell right from wrong anymore."

Mike shrugged. "Well, yeah, that is stupid. But, you know… Shit happens."

Rufus blew out some of the smoke before saying: "Yeah, but I kind of forgot to tell Lily. I figured it wasn't important. It didn't mean anything, no one knew… And then we ran into Alison on that new year's eve party. She was so fucking stupid, apologizing to Lily and all."

Mike couldn't help a small chuckle from escaping his lips. "So that's what the two of you were fighting about."

Rufus sighed out loud. "Jup… You know, funny thing, the sleeping with Alison bothered her, obviously. But she was more upset about me lying to her. Figures, huh?"

Rufus once again kicked the nearest thing he could touch. "I've been stupid. Sleeping with Alison in the first place, lying... I feel like an idiot. I love Lil. I don't like, well, I don't like anything, without her."

Mike slapped his friend friendly on his shoulder, not exactly knowing what to say. After a while, he said: "Maybe you should just tell her that, you know. Girls tend to fall for that kind of stuff."

"Lil isn't just a girl, Mike."

Mike shrugged. "I know. But I'm sure those words will make her feel something."

 ** _5th of February, 1988_**

Rufus was slightly nervous as he took place in front of the reporter from Rolling Stone magazine. The music magazine had wanted an interview with Lincoln Hawk's leadsinger. Rufus had wanted to decline at first, not feeling interested in talking, but had soon realized this was quite a major thing. Declining would've been stupid.

"So, Rufus…" The reporter, a woman who had introduced herself as Sarah, waited when the waitress put down a beer and a tea in front of him before continuing. "Lincoln Hawk goes way back. Can you give me a quick summary of the road you guys had to take before getting where you are today?"

Rufus had to admit he was quite releaved; this was a question he easily had an answer to. He replied, made a joke in between every now and then, and started to losen up.

"Okay, and, even more important, what is up next? You guys have a couple of gigs in LA the next couple of weeks, and then what?"

"We're moving back to the eastcoast again, starting mid-March. We perform at some venues along the way, and are scheduled to be back in Brooklyn around the end of May."

"So it's safe to say you guys are doing good?"

Rufus chuckled. "I'd even go as far as saying that we're doing great. We've been working on this for years, it's great that we are now having these incredible opportunities to play and actually be a headliner instead of an opening act."

Sarah nodded as she quickly took a peck in her sketchbook, where Rufus assumed she'd written down some information about Lincoln Hawk. She scraped her throat before saying: "You write most of the songs, right?"

Rufus nodded. "Yes, the guys help every now and then as well, but it's all our own, yeah."

"Is there any muse?"

Rufus raised his eyebrow, and Sarah continued. "A woman, in particular, that inspired you to write songs like _Fire_ and _Sunset Dreams_?" Sarah looked at him with amusement, an eyebrow raised, as she eagerly waited for him to reply.

Rufus let out a sigh before he said: "Well, every song obviously needs some form of inspiration, whether it's nature or people. I think that's normal, something every songwriter has."

"Hmm, of course, but some lyrics seem very… Intimate. I'm sure you're bombed with women that want to date you or just spend the night. Is there a woman in particular that has stolen your heart and inspires you?"

His mind was debating on whether it was a good idea to tell the whole truth, or partial truth. Of course Lily had been an inspiration ever since he had met her, and quite frankly, she still was.

"Well, there is someone. Maybe in a way she is my muse… She's been there since the beginning of our tour, and I had never met someone like her before. She was… Intense. Beautiful. Smart. Interesting. Just very captivating. Just being around her gives me tons of inspiration. "

"Sounds like you're in love…"

Rufus chuckled. "It does, doesn't it?"

As Rufus was smiling, he was completely oblivious to the blonde entering the lunchroom to pick up a bagel and iced tea to-go. Lily was glad she was wearing a pair of sunglasses when she noticed Rufus on a table near the windowd, laughing with some redhead. She looked older then him, late twenties. Lily rolled her eyes as she placed her order, hoping it would get to her soon. She was freakin' annoyed. Why was he with another woman?

Lily almost forgot to thank the waiter who gave her her order beforming storming out of the place. Who the fuck did Rufus Humhrey think he was? She made her way over to her favorite place in Santa Monica, the Santa Monica pier, while eating her bagel and drinking her coffee. She loved that pier; people seemed happy there, excited and full of life. She walked her way there, thinking how much she would've loved spending time here with Rufus.

She made her way to the end of the pier and looked out over the ocean. She loved LA. Correction, she had loved LA. She had loved pretty much everything with Rufus by her side. He made everything so much more fun, so much more full of life. He had been a fresh air running through her life and without him, her life felt dull and suffocating again. Maybe it was time for her to get back to New York. The thought of it made Lily cringe, but maybe her mother had been right. Maybe she wasn't the kind of person to live this kind of life. A happy life. 

* * *

Rufus was strumming his guitar that night, ready to start again. His conversation with that Rolling Stone reporter in the afternoon had actually made him realise something. Why waste any more time he had with Lily when in fact he was in love with her? Why wouldn't he try his best to make amends? Yes, they both had been making mistakes. But his love for her was so much more important then those.

"Guys, you're ready?" Rufus looked at his bandmates, who all grinned in anticipation. They gave a sign tot heir stage guy, who dropped the curtains and the crowd started screaming. The guys waved, holding up their hands as they all welcomed their guests. It was full crowd again tonight.

Rufus spotted Lily near the bar, on her own this time. Good. Perfect.

"How you all doing out here tonight?!" The crowd screamed in response before Rufus continued. "So, eh, I think the guys are going to hate me for this, but I'd like to switch things up a little bit and start tonight off with something different. I eh…. I've written a new song last week, and I would love to play it first tonight. You up for that?" The crowd seemed excited, and Rufus looked to his other bandmates, who obviously weren't too sure about what Rufus was doing.

"We've been practicing this song the entire week, I eh… I wrote it for the woman I love." Rufus could tell Lily's eyes widened when she heard those words. He looked right at her and she looked right back at him as he continued. "Since the start of this tour, this woman has been by my side. She is my muse, my inspiration and the love of my life. Lil… I love you. I've never loved anyone or anything more then I love you. And this song, _Everytime,_ this is for you…"

Rufus could tell Lily hadn't been expecting this, and he took a look at his bandmembers, who luckily enough seemed to know what to do, before starting their song.

Meanwhile, Lily was looking at the scene with shock. Had he really just done this? Dedicate a song to her while they were not even really together? Lily bit her lip as Rufus started singing, not looking away and not even blinking. She focused on the lyrics as she could tell her eyes were getting slightly wet.

 _Oh it seems I'm walking right to your door.  
_ _With my hearts still resting, looking for something more.  
_ _Are you ever going to see everything you mean to me?  
_ _I'm trying really hard to believe._

 _Every time you walk away or run away,  
_ _you take a piece of me with you there._

 _Nothing feels right when I'm left here on my own.  
_ _Left last night it seemed like I waited too long.  
_ _Are you ever going to see everything you mean to me?  
_ _I'm trying really hard to believe._

 _Every time you walk away or run away,  
_ _you take a piece of me with you there._

Rufus' eyes finally connected with hers as he sang: _Come back to me. You smile and you make my life complete._ When he started the chorus again, Lily couldn't prevent a tear falling down her cheek anymore. Fuck, she loved him. Instinctively, she made her way through the crowd as Lincoln Hawk ended their song. She had reached the side of the stage when the crowd started cheering and applauding. Lily could tell Rufus was searching for her in the crowd when Paul nudged him and pointed to the side, where she'd been standing.

He rushed over to her, noticing her wet eyes and adorable smile. "Hey." "Hey. I know you need to continue…"

Rufus shrugged. "You're more important."

Lily smiled. "Can we talk after your show? I promise I won't get mad."

Rufus smiled. "Of course. Lil, I meant everything I said up there… I love you. And I'm sorry."

"Me, too." She leant in and kissed him. It was a small, gentle peck on his lips, but it was enough. "Good luck with the rest of the show. I'll be watching." Rufus smiled as he tucked a strand of hair behind her air before he said: "I'm glad you are. I'll see you in another hour or two."

 _ **Note: You know me, I just couldn't not let them reunite obviously. I thought "Everytime" was a perfect fit for this, that song is just too cute. Little tip of the iceberg here, next chapter will be in -dumdumdumdum- 1989. Yes. Another year later... What do you guys think will be going on there? XO.**_


	15. The Ballerina and the Mermaid

**Chapter 14: The Ballerina and the Mermaid**

 ** _11th of March, 1989_**

Lily was trembling underneath the thick sheets. She knew it wasn't the cold; she just fel sick and miserable. Her mother had been bringing her tea and biscuits and tried chatting to her about nothing.

The only thing Lily had wanted to talk about were the last couple of weeks. The last couple of months, even. Her mother refused to let her though. She didn't even let Lily speak about her baby.

The thoughts of the tiny baby boy she'd given birth to two weeks ago made her shiver. The pain she had felt during labor, the relief she had felt when the baby had started crying, and the extreme hurt she had experienced the moment her baby was taken away… Her and Rufus' baby. The thought of Rufus made her sick. She knew she had made a mistake the moment she had left him. Rufus had been the only thing in her life she had been able to count on, and she had let go of him because of her mother.

She tried reading some magazines her mother had left her, not really reading anything in particular. It was all fashion and gossip. Her breath stocked when she found a Rolling Stone Magazine between the pile of Vogues and gossip magazines. She flipped the pages in the magazine, knowing she was looking for something Lincoln Hawk related in there, yet aware of those chances being slim. Her heart jolted when she found a tiny picture of the band in one of the categories, which called them "1988's rising stars that were still going strong". Lily was so proud of them. Her pride quickly faded into pain again though, and with a sigh, she closed the magazine and threw it on the ground. She needed to forget about Lincoln Hawk. She needed to forget about Rufus Humphrey.

Lily opened her sketch book, in which she had written pretty lyrics and poems she had once heard of read. She had started it when on the road with Lincoln Hawk. There was an obvious shift of themes. The beginning of her sketchbook marked happiness, joy and love. The page she was currently looking at though was mainly a reflection of pain and hurt. Lily noticed the words she had scribbled in there the last time she had opened her sketchbook. They made her gulp.

 _There is a particular kind of suffering to be experienced when you love something greater than yourself. A tender sacrifice. Like the pained silence felt in the lost song of a mermaid; or the bent and broken feet of a dancing ballerina. It is in every considered step I am taking in the opposite direction of you._

She didn't want to feel this way anymore. Broken, lifeless… She looked at the words with sad eyes, knowing how true they felt. She'd never thought this would hurt so bad, but apparently, love hurt more then anything else in the world. Lily didn't want to cry anymore. Crying was all she had done the last couple of months and it had been driving her insane. She felt hollow, empty and lonely. She kept staring at the words in her book, knowing she couldn't agree more with them.

CeCe looked at her daughter from a far, knowing Lily wasn't noticing her. Her daughter looked utterly unhappy and sad. CeCe knew this had been in her best interest though. Lily belonged on the Upper East Side, next to her. Yes, Lily would be hurt for a while. But time healed everything. CeCe made her way downstairs again, noticing a postcard had been delivered. It was addressed to Lily, but that didn't seem to bother CeCe as she picked it up. The front of the card showed the beautiful streets and canals of Amsterdam, and CeCe eagerly flipped it around to read.

 _Lil,  
I wish you were here with me and the guys to see this city. You would've loved it. You're on my mind, still, and I still miss you. I still love you too. I'll be back in Brooklyn in July. xxx._

It wasn't signed, but CeCe didn't need that in order to know who that card belonged to. She tore it apart in seconds, making sure none of it was even somehwat recognizable before throwing it in the trashbin. Rufus Humphrey wasn't a part of her daughter's life anymore, nor was he ever going to be.

 ** _1st of April, 1989_**

 ** __**"Mother, I think you'll be fine there without me." Lily looked at herself in the mirror while speaking to her mother, who was making an attempt to put on a new necklace with her freshly painted nails.

"Nonsense, Lily. I want you there, and I think it will be good for you, being around people again.

Lily sighed. "I don't know about that, mother." CeCe didn't even bother to reply to her daughter anymore and Lily looked in the full-length mirror in front of her. She was wearing a red formfitting dress, with a dangerously low v-neck. She was wearing a pair of simple black Louboutins, which made her slender legs look even better. Her lips and nails were painted in the exact same red color as her dress, and her hair was up in a high, sleek ponytail. She looked… Good. Unhappy, but good.

CeCe looked at her daughter with a look of approval before she said: "It will be fun, Lilian. You get to see some familiar faces, have some drinks, relax… I'm sure you'll feel much better afterwards."

Lily nodded. She wasn't quite sure about all that, but decided to give it a shot. Nothing could be worse then what she was feeling at the moment anyway. 

* * *

Lily stood near the beverages, looking over the entire scenery. People chatting politely, drinking champagne and wine. Lily considered all these people to live in such a different world. Their mainly concern was looking good and spending money.

"Interesting crowd, huh?" Lily heard the voice next to her before noticing the man and smiled. "Well, indeed." Lily grabbed another glass of champagne as the guy said: "Are you even old enough to drink that stuff?"

Lily shrugged. "I don't think it's something you should care about."

"Oh, I don't, believe me. It was in fact a way to figure out your age without directly asking."

Lily chuckled. "Well, you didn't do too good of a job with that, huh?"

Lily finally turned to face the man next to her, and was surprised to find a handsome, dark haired man staring right at her. His facial features were perfect, Lily couldn't deny that. "I'm Lily. Lily Rhodes."

"William van der Woodsen. Nice to meet you, Lily."

Lily nodded, accepting his hands but not giving him a reply. She looked over the crowd again, noticing her mother, smiling and talking to several people. She looked at William again. "So, William. Why are you here tonight?"

"I'm a student at Columbia. My father is a doctor, his presence is always greatly appreciated on these sort of events. He wanted me to join him tonight. I usually make sure I have an excuse though, but tonight I didn't have one." He winked and Lily could tell he was just trying to make a joke. "Seems to me you fit here perfectly fine."

William shrugged. "Okay, maybe I lied. I do like these things. People are so sophisticted, beautiful, succesful. I like the vibe. You seem… Not so excited about being here though."

Lily sighed. "No, I'm not."

"You are sophisticated and beautiful though, so you fit in perfectly fine." William grabbed two more glasses of champagne as a small smile appeared on Lily's face and he said: "Well, another drink will do then I assume?"

Lily didn't notice her mother looking at her from a distance, watching the scenary with a hint of satisfaction. Lily knew William van der Woosen would be charming enough for her daughter to at least enjoy her evening, and hopefully even more. William was a good kid, from a good family. CeCe looked at the two with one last smile before moving on to talk to other people. Yes, letting William walk over to Lily had been an excellent idea.

 ** _5th of April, 1989_**

"Did we really just win this shit?" Vince was overly excited as he, Paul, Mike and Rufus made their way over to the bar Paul chuckled as he said: "Fuck yeah, we did!" They had just been announced winners of the International Group of the year during the BRIT Awards and the guys couldn't be more excited. It was Lincoln Hawk's first award ever, and the men were so excited.

They ordered beers and cheered, loudly discussing their win and other, not so important things. Rufus took it all in with a smile. Lincoln Hawk had been doing incredible. He felt good tonight, something he hadn't felt in a very long time. The success of Lincoln Hawk made him think of Lily though, the woman he had been trying to block out of his mind so hard for over a year now.

His mind was fading to the last moments he had spent with her, the last time he had kissed her lips, touched her face and felt her skin. He quickly took a large gulp of his beer. It was all too painful. Thinking about Lily felt like stabbing himself in his heart with a knife.

Lily had been his muse, his everything… Winning this award without her by his side felt strange. Rufus knew it was time to let it all go though; Lily had been gone for too long now. He had sent her multiple postcards, hoping to get something in return. Perhaps there would be something on his doorstep in Brooklyn when they got home… He tried shaking those thoughts off of him. He should stop this. These feelings of nothing but love and grief. Lily had hurt him. Maybe she wasn't that great of a person was always considering her to be.

She had left him. Just like that. No true explaination, no specific reason… She had looked terrible and hurt, and Rufus had known there was more behind her leaving him then what she had told him. _"Our lives just don't fit, Rufus. You're you, I'm me… We want different things."_ Different things, my ass. All they had needed was each other. Something had gone terribly wrong. If only Rufus could've known what exactly it had been that had caused her to leave and never look back…

Rufus quickly drank his beer. He was surprised when he heard himself say: "Guys, another beer?! My treat!"

 ** _15th of April, 1989  
_**

"I'm glad you finally cleared some time in your busy schedule to have dinner with me."

Lily smiled as she looked at William, who indeed looked quite pleased having her sit in front of him in this fancy diner. He was wearing a suit, Lily a black dress. Images of her and Rufus having dinner in the parc or in old, dirty diners were spinning through her head, and Lily tried desperately to block them.

"Yes, me too. Thanks for inviting me, William."

William ordered a bottle of wine when the waiter came over and said: "Do you like lobster, Lily?"

"Sure." He ordered dinner fort hem both as well, surprising Lily as he did. Quite forward, for a first dinner date. After the waiter had left, William continued talking. Lily listened, hoping she sounded and looked interested enough. William was absolutely kind and sweet, and not to forget good-looking. He wasn't Rufus though. Lily knew she had to get over the idea of Rufus, or meeting someone who was even remotely like him. She had to accept that that just wasn't going to happen anymore, ever.

Lily had zoned back to their conversation just in time to hear William say: "And, Lily Rhodes, what are you up to at the moment?"

Lily hated people asking her that question. She had absolutely no idea of what she wanted, nor of what she loved. Yes, she loved photography. She used to, at least. She smiled at William before saying: "I hate to admit this, but I'm not so sure of what I'm doing these days or of what I want to be doing."

William looked at her and gently placed a hand on hers as he said: "You've got plenty of time to figure that out though, don't you? Your mother told me you've been in France for a couple of months?"

Lily started boiling on the inside. Her mother loved telling everybody how her sophisticated daughter spent some time abroad in beautiful Paris to learn from their culture and the language, when in fact she'd been spending her pregnancy there to avoid running into anyone familiar while carrying her baby. Lily plastered a smile on her face as she said: "Yes, I was. I eh…. I was learning the French language and working with society club."

"That must have been great."

"It was." Lily tried her best to smile and sound excited as she made up a lousy story of all the things she had done while in Paris. William replied with equally as much excitement, telling her how he admired her for leaving home for a while and doing something she loved. Lily decided to skip all the information about her being on the road with a certain band. That definitely didn't fit the picture of her as a sophisticated, chique Upper East socialite that William seemed to consider her to be.

His hand was never leaving hers in the process. Lily had to admit it felt slightly good. Not as good as another hand had felt on hers. But William seemed… Good. She tried to enjoy herself that night, knowing she had to move on at some point in her life.

 ** _2nd of July 1989_**

The blonde in front of him looked at him with a wide smile, not able to hide her excitement as she said: "I can't believe I ran into you in New York, of all places."

Rufus chuckled as he said: "I know, what are the odds, right?"

"I've been reading about you and the guys every now and then, tried to keep up with what you guys were doing. Things went big, right? I was so happy for all of you."

She continued flattering him and the boys, but Rufus wasn't truly listening. He had bumped into Alison on the road, when he had been too busy reading a newspaper instead of looking where he was going. What were the odds. He had to admit she looked good. She had offerend him a cup of coffee, and he really couldn't say no to that. He had to admit that it had been fun, running into a familiar face again in his hometown. So here he was, sitting in a New York cafe, drinking coffee with Alison.

"So, what have you been up to?"

Another wide smile appeared on Alison's face as she said: "I've been teaching yoga and dance classes, actually. It's been so great, I used to teach children only but recently started classes for adults as well. It's such a great way to work-out and let go of stress and pain."

"Oh, really? That sounds… Interesting."

Alison chuckled. "You don't have to pretend that you're interested in yoga, or dance, as a matter of fact."

"I'm sorry, I've just never done anything yoga-related in my life."

"You should come to my classes once!"

Rufus shook his head as he chuckled. "I don't think that will be a very good idea."

"What, are you scared?" "No, don't be silly." "I think you are…" Alison winked at him and Rufus shook his head. "You know what, fine. I'll come and let you teach me some yoga. I bet I'll be awesome."

Alison smiled. "I'm sure you will. When are you coming?"

"When are you teaching?" Rufus raised his eyebrow as he looked at the blonde in front of him, who looked at her watch. "Well, my next class will be at seven tonight, but, in all honesty, I think you're too much of a beginner to attend that class. But I can give you a private lesson at eight, I have an hour off then."

Rufus chuckled. "A private lesson, huh? Well at least I won't look like a fool in front of a whole bunch of people then. I'll be there at eight, sharp!"

"I'll be counting on you." 

* * *

Rufus wasn't sure why he was standing in front of brighly colored building called Jenny's Dance & Yoga a little after eight that night. He really didn'y care for yoga. Laughing with Alison that afternoon though had been the first time in a long time where he had felt a genuine smile gracing his face, or a genuine chuckle coming from his lips. Maybe it was the way she was everything but Lily. Then again, no one would ever be like Lily. Rufus sighed when he remembered the postcard he had sent her a while ago. He had hoped she would come and try to see him whenever he got back to Brooklyn. He still lived in the same appartment, after all. The message was clear though; she really wasn't interested anymore. Not even a little bit.

He opened the door of the studio and curiously walked into the direction from where he head these calming ocean sounds. He frowned as he peeked around a corner, finding Alison in one of the studios. She was wearing a yoga outfit, but apparently those meant tops that only covered breasts and extremely tight, formfitting leggings. She looked good though.

"Alison, hey!" Rufus called out for her and she turned around, an excited smile on her face. "Rufus! Hey! I'm so glad you showed, come in."

A bit apprehensive, Rufus put down his bag and took off his jacket. Alison chuckled before she said: "You look like a football player."

Rufus looked up and down his clothing. Perhaps this hadn't been the ideal outfit. He shrugged as he said: "Yeah, I wasn't sure what I was supposed to put on…"

Alison waved her hand. "It's no big deal. Take off your shoes. The rest will do perfectly fine."

Alison's excitement started wearing of a bit on Rufus. Perhaps this had been a good idea, doing yoga with a pretty blonde.

 _Note: Guyss! I know I kind of screwed up age wise, because I tried doing some research and realised Scott was actually born on the 10th of July in 1988. Yeah. That kind of didn't fit my story here, haha, so, well, sorry about that! Another thing I'd like to add is my idea of Lily/William meeting. I know that William is familiar with more of the Rhodes girls, but in this story I wanted them to meet this way. Just the way I liked it best for this story. Just wanted to let you guys know about that. Oh, and I wish I was gifted enough to write beautiful lines as the ones I let Lily write in her sketchbook, but I've actually just secretly took them from a writer called Lang Leav. You should Google her, she writes the most beautiful things ever. XO._


	16. Baby Talk

**Chapter 15: Baby Talk**

 ** _14th of July, 1991_**

The little bundle of joy in Lily's arms made her forget every other thing in the world right now. She had a daughter. A beautiful baby girl. Serena. Lily was exhausted, still in pain, from giving birth, but felt so much join running through her veins.

She smiled as she kissed her little baby's head. Her mother and William had just left to get some coffee, both overly joyed with the birth of Serena. William's parents were on their way. Lily looked at her little girl as she whispered: "I'll do better with you, baby girl. I promise. I'll do anything for you."

William returned a few minutes later, without CeCe. "You're mother's getting my parents, they were apparently lost."

Lily smiled. "How is that even possible?"

William chuckled. "I don't know." He sat down on the bed next to his wife, looking at their child. "She's beautiful, Lily. She looks just like you."

A tired but proud smile formed on Lily's lips. Serena did look a lot like her. She let herself fall a bit futher back into her cusion. She was exhausted. Lily closed her eyes briefly, feeling William kiss her forehead before gently lifting Serena up so he could hold her. Serena Celia van der Woodsen. Their joy and pride.

 ** _27th of July, 1991_**

"Ah, isn't he just adorable?" Alison looked at her son with a smile as he was wiggling his way through the yard crawling,, making cute little noises as he tried grabbing the cat, in which he was miserably failing.

Rufus chuckled. "He is just like his father."

Alison jokingly slapped him as she shook her head. "You're so full of yourself, mister." Rufus smiled as he watched Alison making her way over to their son and picking him up, walking with him through the yard as she was telling him all about the flowers. They were so adorable.

He made his way back inside, checking the newspaper for nothing in particular as he flipped through it. He mindlessly flipped through the pages. When he found the local part of the paper, he figured he was ready to throw it away. The photograph on the front caught his attention though, and his heart stopped beating for a second. It was Lily. Front page. A baby in her arms. A dark-haired man by her side. She looked…. Beautiful. Still the same Lily. Only instead of her oversized blouses and knee high boots she was now wearing a tight skirt that ended a little above her knee. She was wearing a formfitting blouse and a pair of killer black heels. The pregnancy hadn't affected her body, obviously. Rufus was glad to see her lips were still painted in a beautiful dark red color; just like she often had back in the days. She looked gorgeous. Rufus couldn't help but sigh; she had herself a family as well. Which was good. Both of them had a family now. Just not one of them together.

"Yes, there is daddy!" The moment Rufus heard Alison's voice, he closed the newspaper. Lily was a forbidden subject, period. Catching him staring at a picture of Lily's happy family wouldn't do them any good, that he knew for sure.

He quickly closed the pages, turning around with a big grin as he said: "Where's my boy?"

Alison and baby Dan appeared behind him mere seconds after. Alison smiled as Rufus started making goofy faces to Dan, who cried with laughter. "I was thinking about taking Dan out to the parc for a little stroll, you want to come as well?"

Rufus kissed Alisons forehead as he said: "You two go together. I actually have a bit of a headache, think I'm going to sit for a while."

"Oh, you need me to pick up something at CVS?"

He shook his head. "No, I'm sure I'll be fine if I sit for a while honey, but thanks."

"Okay!" Alison smiled as she said: "Say bye daddy!"

Rufus kissed Dan's little face and Alison's lips before walking them to the door as they left, closing it behind him. He sighed; why was he lying to Alison? He definitely wasn't having a headache. Seeing that happy family portrait of Lily had more of an impact then he could've imagined. Rufus opened the paper again, taking an even better look.

Lily was looking so pretty. He could tell she wasn't truly happy though. Her eyes were slightly dull, though Rufus figured that could also be blamed on the fact the the little baby in her hands was only a couple of days old. He turned the pages of the paper, noticing a small article regarding the Van Der Woodsen's. Ah, so she was Lily van der Woodsen now. Lily Humphrey sounded so much better, in his humble opinion. He noticed the article telling him the building the Van Der Woodsen family was residing, as well as the name of the newly born baby girl; Serena. Beautiful.

His insticts took over as Rufus grabbed the phone, calling the building Rufus knew Lily was now living in. It surprised him how easily the receptionist put him through with Lily's appartment. Those few seconds he wasn't having anyone on the other line though brought him back to reality again. What the hell was he doing? What was he thinking?

"Lily van der Woodsen, hello?"

Her voice startled him. Still that same, crystal clear voice. God, how he had missed that voice. But what was he supposed to do now? Talk? This had been the worst idea ever.

"Hello, anybody there?"

Rufus hung up without answering. This had been a horrible idea. Now that he had heard her voice, he felt even worse. He grabbed the newspaper, ready to throw it in the trash and not ever look at it again. The moment he was near the trashbin though, he opened the paper. He sighed as he tore out the picture of Lily before throwing the newspaper away.

He knew he was screwed. Seeing Lily's picture on paper had already made him contemplate everything he now had in an instant. Hearing her voice on the other end of the line made it even clearer though. It weren't just memories of a long lost over that were brought back in his mind when seeing her picture and hearing her voice. It made him realise he was still very much loving that woman, despite having a family of his own. And that bothered him. It bothered him very much.

 ** _1st of August, 1991_**

Lily closed the door of her sleeping baby's bedroom with a smile. Serena was such a sweet, good baby, so serene… She was doing her name good honor already.

"I have to go, honey." William was adjusting his tie as both he and Lily made their way down the stairs.

"Oh, what is it?" Lily felt a sting of dissapointment; she had wanted to spend some time with her husband. "I'm sorry, one of my clients needs me."

He kissed her lips lightly. "I hope I'll be home in an hour or two."

William fled the house as soon as he had announced his departure, and Lily walked to the fridge. What kind of marriage was this? William was good to her, he definitely was. He was barely home though. She grabbed the bottle of chardonnay and poured herself a good glass as she took it with her back up the stairs.

Giving birth to Serena and seeing her do all her very firsts made her mourn over her very first child again. She went to one of the rooms she used as a closet. When she and William had moved in here, Lily had been given the priviledge of making on of the rooms into her own closet. It had also become the place Lily stored stuff she knew William wouldn't be too keen on if he would see them. Photoalbums of her and Rufus, Lincoln Hawk material, a tiny little box with the little amount of things she owned from her and Rufus' baby boy…

She pushed some stuff aside until she found a little black box. Lily hesitated for a moment before sitting down on the ground and opening it. Her heart started beating faster when she found the little bracelet the baby had worn in the hospital and the papers that were signed with her naming, stating she was giving the baby up. She lifted them up to get what she was looking for; a poloraid of her holding the little baby. A sad smile graced her face; what if she had kept that baby? What would life have been like, if she had decided to tell Rufus first instead of her mother? Lily shook her head; it all didn't matter. It was all in the past after all.

Lily put the box away again, noticing videotapes in the corner of the closet. She grabbed one that was marked **LH 1.1**. She knew what it was. Lily walked to another room, putting the tape in the VCR as she was turning it on. She recognized her own voice immediately.

 _"_ _We're backstage right now, searching for the hottest leadsinger in the world, as he is about to perform with his other just a little less hot bandmembers in Boston."_

 _"_ _And well, there they are! Look at this freakin' hot drummer… Still single, ladies.". "And this one is very very much taken.." The camera flipped again as Lily's face got back on the screen. "So you better keep your hands off of this one!"_

Lily watched the material with a smile; God, she looked so… Happy. She couldn't turn it off. She kept watching as the video showed Vince and Paul fooling around and rehearsing…. Her breath was caught in her throat when footage of her and Rufus making out like lovesick puppies was showed. God, they were insanely drunk on love right there. The two of them kissing soon faded into Lincoln Hawk performing, a cheering crowd and Lincoln Hawk backstage, celebrating a gig gone well.

Lily wasn't sure for how long she'd been watching as the tape went black. This had been the beginning of her Lincoln Hawk documentary. There were tons of tapes in that closet, marked part 2, 3, 4 and so on. Lily hadn't noticed tears falling down her cheek until she felt one falling on her collarbone.

Those had been the days… The days in which she had felt utterly happy and excited. She had been full of life, full of pleasure and full of love. Lily hated herself for the choices she had made. Life could've been so much different. Rufus next to her… She got up and made sure she put all her stuff away, not ever wanting William to find any of it. She walked over to Serena's room, walking in and sitting next to the baby's crib as she smiled.

"Luckily, I have you, my darling. I'll be the best mommy in the world. I promise you, my dear Serena." 

**_19th of August, 1991_**

It was a beautiful summer day as Lily was taking her daughter in her stroller for a ride through Central Parc. It was early, not even half past eight in the morning, but Lily had been up since seven. William had gone to work at that hour, and she hadn't been able to sleep afterwards.

The birds were singing and Lily felt good as she continued her way, sipping her coffee while looking at the flowers and the water, and her little Serena of course, who was actually peacefully sleeping. She stopped walking when she reached a bench near the grass, sitting herself down to enjoy the morning sun for a bit as Serena kept sleeping. She had been such an easy baby so far.

She was surprised when a dog suddenly stood in front of her, curious as to whom she was as he was sniffing her. She chuckled as she put her sunglasses on her head and started patting him. "Hey buddy. Who do you belong to?"

"I'm sorry miss, he has a lot to learn… Lil?"

Lily looked up and her mouth dropped. This couldn't be happening right now…

"Rufus?"

The cute labrador was obviously part of the Humphrey family. Lily was in complete shock, and she could tell Rufus was as well.

"Lil… What… Is that…"

Rufus stutters caused Lily to chuckle. "This is awkward…"

Rufus smiled. "It shouldn't be though. Hey.."

"Hey…" Lily could pretty much feel the earth crumblin into pieces around her. Rufus looked so…. The same. Absolutely the same. Still that silly little necklace around his neck, that boyish grin on his face…

"Is this Serena?" His voice interrupted her thoughts and Lily smiled. "You've been spying on me?" He chuckled. "Come on, a family portrait in the paper… No way to not have read it."

Lily nodded with a small smile. "Yes, it is…" Rufus took a peek and smiled as he looked at the sleeping baby. "She looks just like you, Lil. She's beautiful."  
Lily bit her lip as she smiled. "Thanks." They were silent for a while, not so sure about what to do. All Lily knew was that she didn't want him to go. She wanted to hear him talk, smell his scent, see him smile… "Rufus, you eh… You want to sit?" Lily pointed to the bench with a small, slightly awkward smile.

Rufus nodded. "Sure. Dusty, come sit boy!" The dog didn't immediately obey, but did stay in place, which was pretty much good enough for Rufus at the moment.

Lily tried to keep her composure in place; she knew she was failing miserably though. She was about to speak when Rufus said: "I guess it was only a matter of time for the two of us to run into each other, huh?"

Lily chuckled. "I know…. There was a time I was hoping I'd run into you, actually. At some point I figured faith had apparently planned us something different."  
Rufus looked at Lily while she said those words. He could sense there was something… Off. Yes, she looked good. Yes, she smiled. Her eyes didn't though. He placed his hand on hers, noticing her flinch, yet not planning on letting go of it as he said: "How are you doing, Lil?"

She bit her lip as she smiled. "I'm good. I eh… I'm adjusting myself, trying to be a good mommy for her…" It was as if Serena felt the adults talking about her, as she started making little noises and cries. Rufus and Lily smiled at each other as Lily gently picked up Lily out of her stroller. "Hey beautiful, you're awake? Aw, you're still sleepy, I can tell."

Rufus could feel his heart melt a little, seeing Lily talk to her baby girl, her face full of joy and love. Lily turned back to Rufus as she said: "Well, Serena darling, I'd like you to meet someone." Rufus smiled as he now looked into the big blue eyes of the baby girl. "Well hi there."

"Would you like to hold her?"

"Of course." Lily gently handed Serena over to Rufus, who immediately held her thhe right way and started talking to her, letting the babygirl hold his pinky while doing so. Pain flashed trough Lily's heart; they'd had the opportunity to do this. Together. Rufus could've been a dad to their child, if only she hadn't given up on the baby.

"Lil? Lil, are you okay?" Rufus' words brought her back to reality as she said: "I'm sorry, I eh… I got a little distracted…" Lily looked at Serena, who seemed completely satisfied in the arms of Rufus. "She liked you."

"Just like her mommy, huh?" Rufus winked, only afterwards realizing how it sounded. "Oh. Sorry. Bad joke."

Lily shook her head. "It's okay. How are you? I eh… I've seen the papers. Lincoln Hawk front man marrying his blonde godess, and all that." Lily tried to smile. She didn't want Rufus to know how much it had hurt her when she'd found out about him and Alison being together. She knew she didn't have the right to be upset about it. She had been though, and maybe still was, in all honesty.

"Yeah… Things… Happened."

"I know. It's okay." They were silent for a bit, both looking at little Serena, who kept smiling at Rufus. Rufus scraped his throat before he said: "I eh… I have a son, Dan. He is 4 months now."

"Oh." Lily looked at Rufus with her baby again; no surprise there that he knew exactly what to do. He had some good practice, apparently. "That's great. How do you like being a father?"

Rufus shrugged. "It's.. It's beautiful. I.. It's insane how there can be someone you love so unconditionally, so sudden…" Rufus had uttered those words before he could even think of them, knowing there had been one other person he had those feelings for.

Lily smiled when Rufus said those words; it was true. She had felt it the moment Serena had been with her as well. And with Rufus, of course. "I know…" Lily noticed Serena's eyes searching for her and scooted a bit closer to Rufus, smiling at her baby as she said: "I'm right here, honey."

She made sure Serena was good before she said: "So, how's the music doing? It's been a while since I've read about the band…"

Rufus nodded. "Yeah, we eh… We're still playing, but, well, I think our glory days have passed… Plus, it's more difficult, with a baby, you know…"

Lily nodded. "Yeah, I can imagine… You guys are so good though. I actually recently watched…" Lily's cheeks started to burn when she realized she was about to tell Rufus she had been watching the Lincoln Hawk videotapes not too long ago. Perhaps that was a bit… Weird.

"You recently watched what?"

"No, never mind, it was… Nothing." Lily shook her head as she looked away.

Rufus reached for her chin and gently pushed it back so she was facing him again. "No. Tell me."

She felt the proximity of Rufus immediately. She could smell his scent, feel his warmth, feel his… His spirit. Their eyes locked and both Lily and Rufus felt their bodies tingle. God, things were still the same… So different, yet the same. Rufus let go of Lily's chin with a hint of displeasure; touching her had felt good. Lily smiled as she whispered: "I've been watching the Lincoln Hawk videotapes I had made back in the day, you know…"

A wide smile appeared on Rufus' face. "Oh… I'd love to see those one day! Those were the days…."

They sat in union for a bit, both smiling as they thought of the days they had spent in tourbusses and mini-vans. Rufus was about to speak up when Serena started crying.

"I think someone wants to get back to her mommy…" Lily smiled as Rufus handed Serena over again. Lily looked at her daughter before deciding it was time to go; Serena needed to be fed. And perhaps even more important, she needed to get away from Rufus. Her heart was screaming for her to stay close to him, to be near him and talk for hours, just like they used to. Her head told her that wasn't a good idea though. Lily put Serena back in the stroller as she said: "You know, I really don't want to but… I should go, Serena needs to be fed…"

Rufus stood up as well, a smile gracing his face though there was obviously a hint of dissapointment visible as well. Dusty however was good to go as an excited bark came out of his mouth the moment Rufus got up, causing Lily and Rufus to both chuckle. "I understand, it's okay. I should probably get back home as well…"

"Lil…" They stood in front of each other, not sure what to do or what to say. Neither of them really wanted to say goodbye.

Rufus reached out for her, pulling her into a hug they both had been longing for. Lily let out a sigh; this felt good. So good. Rufus' hand rested on her lower back as he said: "I'm glad I ran into you." He didn't let go of her as he whispered: "I've missed you."

They broke their hug, knowing it wasn't appropriate to make it last even longer then it had already done. Lily bit her lip as she said: "I've missed you too. I'm… I'm sorry. For everything?"

"What do you mean?"

Lily grabbed the stroller, ready to leave as she shook her head. "Just… Just everything. Us. I'm sorry for hurting you… Hurting us." They stood in silence for a while. There were so many things Rufus wanted to say, though he had no idea where to start. Lily tried smiling at him as she said: "I'm glad I ran in to you too. You… You look happy, that's good.. Bye."

"Lil…" Lily turned around before Rufus could say another word. She made sure her sunglasses where back in its place as she made her way home again. Her eyes were tearing up.

Rufus watched her go. This was tough… Running into Lily had felt like a dream. Watching her go again felt awful though. It reminded him of the day she had left him those years ago. It still hurt. And he still missed her, obviously. He watched her as she slowly dissapeard out of his sight. A loud sigh escaped from his lips; Lily Rhodes. No matter how hard she tried to deny it, she was still the love of his life.


	17. Valentine's Madness

_Note: Hi all! I'd like to start with a thank you note for you readers and reviewers. I love seeing the amount of people reading this story in my traffic stats and I appreciate the messages and reviews so much, even if it aren't tons of them; I'm just glad there are people enjoying this story so much, it means a lot to me. This story is the first long story I've written in years, and it's nice to hear people say how much to love it and compliment my writing (f.e Jessie & lilyandrufus). So thanks, it means a lot!_

I'd also love to answer your super long review Jessie! I love the ideas you're giving, and I have to admit I was thinking about only putting up 2 more chapters, this one and another one, before making an epilogue about Rufus and Lily meeting again in what we know as the first episode of Gossip Girl. But, reading your review, I realized that perhaps it's also quite interesting to just ignore the show's storyline and create one of my own. Hmm. I'm still debating on this haha, since I'm not quite sure if I'm ready to let go of this story in 2 chapters already, although I've already written basically everything. Perhaps I should do some rewriting though…

 _Anyway, sorry for this super super long note, I'll stop blabbing now and let you guys get on to the next chapter! Drumrolls…. It's Valentine's Day! XO._

 **Chapter 16: Valentine's Madness**

 ** _13th of February, 1995_**

Lily wasn't really feeling this party. Her attendance had been mandatory, not only because her mother expected it from her, but because she was part of the organization. Being on a Valentine's Day party while actually going through a divorce though wasn't the best situation ever. Especially since the divorce wasn't yet finalized, nor known in public. She was already having a headache thinking about pretending to be all happy and excited.

She made her way over to the bar, ordering herself a glass of wine when someone came over to her; one of her friends, Rose.

"Lily! Hey, oh, you look so beautiful!" Rose kissed her cheeks as Lily smiled. "Thank you, you look gorgeous too. Dior?"

Rose nodded. "It all loos great here, you've done such a good job. Where's William?"

Lily kept a smile plastered on her face and pretended to disappointed as she said: "He's trying to make it before the end of the party… He's at work, though."

"Oh, that busy man of yours! We'll, I hope he'll join us later tonight. Oh, sorry, I have to go say hi to Lesley. I'll see you in a bit, okay?"

"Sure." The moment Rose had left her side, Lily's smile faded. She took her glass of wine as she made her way over to the bathroom. She looked at herself in the mirror. She was wearing a red dress, perfectly fitting for the Valentine's Day theme. The dress had long sleeves but were off-shoulder, making her diamond necklace a real eyecatcher. Her lips were painted in a dark bourgondy red, matching her nails. Her hair was up in a chiffon. She looked so neat and chique, and it bothered her. Lily van der Woodsen, soon to be Rhodes again, the perfect socialite. "Not so perfect at all," Lily murmured to herself, before she took her hair down in frustration.

Lily tousled is, making sure it looked good, before grabbing her glass again and making her way out of the bathroom, out of the building, actually. She was so frustrated. When she passed the receptioniste, she realised she wanted a smoke. Too bad she'd quit smoking a while ago. She made her way over to the girl behind the desk.

"Hi."

"Hi." The girl looked no older then twenty, a nice smile gracing her face.

"I'm sorry, this is probably a weird question… But do you have a cigarette? And a lighter? I really need to.."

"Oh, you don't have to explain." The girl waved Lily's explaination away before opening one of the drawers in her desk. "Don't tell my boss though." She handed Lily two cigarettes and a lighter.

Lily smiled gratefully. "Thank you. I eh… I'll make sure you get them back."

The girl smiled. "Sure. No problem."

Lily turned around as she made her way to the backdoor, knowing it would get her out on the other sides of the streets of New York instead of the ones right in front of the building, where all guests would come walking in.

She had to admit it was a bit chilly outside, wearing her dress only. She lit her cigarette the moment she got outside and felt herself calm down the moment she blew out her first smoke.

Lily felt someone hitting her in the back, causing her to almost fall.

"Oh my god, I am so sorry, I wasn't looking, are you.."

Lily turned around and was shocked to find Alison staring right back at her.

"Lily, oh…"

"Alison, hello."

The two women looked at each other for a brief moment. Alison was wearing a pair of wide legged jeans with a top reaching just above her belly button and a black denim jacket on top. Her hair was curled and reached all the way down to her hips. Lily had to admit the look suited her. Alison on the other hand was surprised to find Lily all dressed up, yet with a cigarette in her hand. She was about to excuse herself and continue walking when the women heard a familiar voice behind them.

"Honey, what is wrong? You're almost racing to…. Lil?" Rufus' eyes went wide when he saw his wife and Lily in front of each other. Lily looked beautiful. He kept staring at her, he just couldn't help himself.

Alison scraped her throat, her hand planted in her sigh as she looked at her husband, who was obviously taken in with Lily.

Lily seemed as shocked as Rufus, though she quickly regained her posture. Inside, she was cursing. Seeing Rufus and Alison tonight just seemed the cherry on top of this incredible night; it was horrendous. She decided it was time to break the silence though; things were already awkward enough.

"Rufus, hi. We eh just bumped into each other, on accident. No big deal."

Rufus nodded. "Aha.. So. You look…" Rufus knew Alison was giving him a deadly glare and decided to skip beautiful and say something else. "Dressed up."

Lily shrugged. "I'm organizing an event, in here." She pointed to the building behind her.

"So why aren't you inside?" Alison snapped, getting fed up with her husband being all googly on Lily. Their night already had been awful, not to mention running into Lily made it even worse. She had sold her first painting earlier that week. Her very first handmade painting. She had been so proud, and so had Rufus. He had taken her out for dinner that night to celebrate. They'd gotten into a stupid fight over pretty much nothing during dinner though, causing it to be not such a celebration after all. Running into Lily made it even worse.

Lily raised her eyebrow. "I don't think that's any of your business."

Rufus looked at the two women. He wanted to talk to Lily, obviously. He knew Alison wasn't very excited about this run in though. "Ehm, Ali, I think we should go." He shot Lily an apologizing look. "I eh… Good running into you, Lil." He smiled at her, as Lily smiled back. "Yeah, same to you… Enjoy your evening."

"You too." 

* * *

Lily looked at the crowd from up above; she had made her way all up the stairs, knowing the upper part of the building would give her a good view on the party from up the balustrade. She took it all-in with a sigh. Those Upper East Side people all had found themselves a good date for the night. Everyone was together. Except for her, of cours.

She took a sip of her chardonnay. She wasn't sure how many she'd already been drinking that night. Lily couldn't care less though. This night was afwul, and she couldn't wait for it to be over.

"Lil?"

Lily thought she was hearing voices in her head when she thought she was hearing Rufus call out for her. She kept looking at the crowd, knowing it probably wasn't true.

"Lil?" When she felt a hand on her shoulder though, she knew she hadn't been dreaming. Lily turned around and indeed found Rufus, who, for the occassion, apparently had thrown on a blazer to try and look at least remotely presentable for a party like this. "Rufus? Why are you here?"

Rufus shrugged. "I eh…. You look so beautiful."

Lily smiled. "Thank you… You look good, though. I like your hair." Lily knew the alcohol made her bolder as she ruffled through it. It was a bit shorter then he usually had his hair. It looked good, though.

Rufus grinned. "Thank you. Trying to shake off that rocker-image I've got."

A chuckle escaped from Lily's lips. "I doubt you'll succeed, it's just in you."

"True…" They stood together, their backs facing the crowd downstairs as they looked in front of them, their arms slightly touching.

"So… Why are you here?" Lily looked at Rufus, who kept staring in front of him as he said: "I eh… Alison and I got into a fight. We've been fighting for some time now, actually. Marriage can be such a bitch… We eh, we went to dinner tonight, got into arguments over nothing, then we ran into you… She was so upset when we got home, going crazy over the way I was apparently looking at you."

Lily shook her head as Rufus continued: "I… I can't blame her though. I was kind of… Taken aback, when I saw you. I mean, you look so good.."

"Oh, I didn't look good before?"

Rufus' head scooted over to his side to face her. "Lil.."

"Just kidding." She winked at him and smiled. "I'm sorry you and Alison are going through a rough patch…"

"No, you're not."

Lily chuckled. "I am…" Her smile disappeared as she continued. "I eh… William and I are going through a divorce right now."

"Oh…" Rufus placed his hand over Lily's as he said: "I'm sorry."

Lily shrugged. "Me too. It's eh…. It's better, though. We're not working anymore. Maybe we never did, if I look back."

They were silent for a while, Rufus gently caressing her skin with his thumb as they listened to the song that was playing.

 _Baby, I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the gray,  
the more I get of you, the stranger it feels.  
And now that your rose is in bloom,  
a light hits the gloom on the gray._

 _There is so much a man can tell you,_  
 _so much he can say._  
 _You remain, my power, my pleasure, my pain, baby,_  
 _to me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny._  
 _Won't you tell me is that healthy, baby?_

"This song is so cheesy."

Lily chuckled. "It is, isn't it?"

They smiled at each other as Rufus said: "You want to dance?" Their eyes locked and Lily smiled. "I'd love to."

She put her hands around his neck as he put his around her waist, pulling her closer. They swayed to the music, not saying a word as Rufus pulled her even closer. He could smell her perfume, her shampoo… It was all familiar. He couldn't help himself as he kissed her hair. "Lil… I miss you."

Lily bit her lip as she pulled back a little, making sure she was facing Rufus as she whispered: "You're only saying that because you and Alison are fighting."

He shook his head. "No. I'm always missing you."

"I miss you too."

Their eyes locked as Rufus' hands started falling down, moving to her hips. Lily didn't feel 26. She felt 18 again. As if she and Rufus had only just met. As if she and Rufus were the only two people on earth.

Rufus was forgetting all about his marriage, about his kids… He imagined being 20 again, being with Lily in the back of a mini van. He was forgetting all about the pain she had caused him; all he could think about were her lips, that he desperately wanted to touch with his own.

"Lil…"

She bit her lip as he brought one hand up, gently caressing her cheek.

"Rufus, this is not good.."

"It feels good…"

"I know." Lily closed her eyes briefly. She knew she wanted to kiss him. Wanted to touch him, feel his skin under her hands… Their eyes locked again as she whispered: "You should walk away now, Rufus."

"I don't want to."

He leant in and kissed her. Gently, at first. The fact that both had been missing each other so much caused their kisses to grow hungrily in seconds though. Rufus one hand got entangled in Lily's hair as the other went down her ass, loving how it felt underneath his hand. She pushed herself closer to him, aching for his body as her hands untucked his shirt, letting her hands roam over his back.

Rufus moved his lips to her neck and she moaned. Hearing her moan caused Rufus to let out a moan as well; Jesus, he had missed her so.

Their lips collided again, their tongues swirling and their hands touching all the other's bodyparts. They both knew this meant trouble. They both knew it only confirmed what they had already known; they still had feelings for each other.

Lily didn't want to, but she knew she should… She broke their kiss, both panting, as she whispered: "Rufus, I…"

He cupped her cheeks. "I know this isn't the time, Lil. Can you… Can you meet me tomorrow, at ten? At the Coffee Corner… I think we should talk. Like, for real."

Lily bit her lip. "Okay. Tomorrow, at ten."

Rufus kissed her once more, her hands not leaving his face. This was wrong on so many levels. It just felt so good. 

**_14th of February, 1995_**

 _Rufus, I'm sorry.  
I just don't want to ruin your family.  
I'm sorry.  
x L._

Lily stared at the napkin in her hand, on which she had scribbled some words. Meeting Rufus was wrong on so many levels. He was married. Lily didn't like his wife, but still; he was very much married. Very much a father of two children. She wanted to do the right thing. Meeting him for coffee today definitely was the wrong thing to do. 

* * *

Rufus stared at the napkin in his hand. Lily had bailed on him. Quite frankly, he understood. He understood perfectly fine. Last night had felt like a dream though. He sighed as he ordered himself a coffee. He hated admitting it, but Lily was his soulmate. Kissing her last night had stirred up so many good feelings. He did have a family though. Dan, and little Jenny… Lily perhaps was right. He shouldn't do anything to put his relationship with their mother in danger. He couldn't possibly ruin their family.

He grabbed the napkin, planning to throw it away. He decided not to though, and stuffed it in one of his pockets as he made his way out, running hand through his hair. Yes, it had been wrong to meet up with Lily. God, Alison would freak out completely if she had known. Rufus couldn't help but feel dissapointed though.

"Rufus?"

He was surprised to find Lily behind him, pushing her sunglasses up in her hair so they could look at each other.

"Lil… Hey. I eh… I got your note." A look of confusion graced his face and Lily smiled. "Yes, about that… I thought it was the good thing to do. Write a note, not meet up with you. It's just that.… I regretted it the moment I had left that note with that waitress."

Rufus wanted to grab her hand and reached for it, stopping in the mid of the process, knowing it wasn't smart. "I think it's good you're here. We should talk." Lily bit her lip and nodded. "Yeah… Maybe this isn't the best place though."

"No…" Rufus thought for a second before he said: "You know, we can go to my place. If that's okay with you."

"Sure… I guess." Lily wasn't sure if his place was the best place to discuss… Everything. But it did beat out on the street though. They walked to his Brooklyn appartment pretty much in silence, not too sure of what to say, until Lily questioned: "Where is Dusty?"

Rufus chuckled. "You like that dog, don't you?" Lily smiled. "He was too cute." Rufus agreed. "I know… He eh, he actually died, a couple of months ago."

"Oh." Lily's smile faltered. "I'm sorry." Rufus shrugged. "Yeah, I kinda miss that guy walking around with me as well. Alison really didn't want another dog though, so…" Lily nodded, not sure how to respond. She was glad they had reached the appartment, and Rufus opened the door quickly.

"It's…. Cosy." Lily wasn't sure if cosy was the right word for the quite small space she'd steppen into. It looked artistic, a bit chaotic. Rufus chuckled. "I can tell you hate it, Lil. I can tell by the way you wrinkle your nose. Don't bother."

She smiled. "You know me too well…" She dropped her bag near the couch as she looked around.

"You want coffee?" Lily turned around and nodded. "Please. Coffee's always good." Rufus turned and started while Lily walked around the appartment. She noticed baby pictures; a boy and a girl. A picture of their family during Christmas. She was surprised to find a picture of Rufus on the wall while performing. A smile appeared on her face; she had made that picture. The lightning, the angle, Rufus' pose… Everything about that picture was perfect.

"Good picture, huh?" Rufus appeared behind here and she turned around with a smile, gratefully accepting the coffee he handed her. "Thank you. Yes, perfect picture actually."

"I would say that too if I had been the one taking it." He winked at her.

"Well apparently you agree since it's gracing the walls of your home."

Rufus smiled. "I do, actually. It's my favorite." He then walked back to the couch, Lily following behind him. As they sat down, Rufus sighed. "So… Are you okay?"

Lily nodded. "I'm fine. Listen, about yesterday…"

Rufus put his hand on her knee, interrupting her as he said: "I don't want you to feel bad about that, Lil."

"The thing is, I don't. And that's what makes me feel bad." Lily's eyes connected with his and Rufus sighed. "I know… I know it was wrong. It just felt so good…"

Lily nodded silently. She wasn't sure what to say. Rufus had his way with words though as he said: "You said you were sorry, the last time I ran into you."

"Which was like, four years ago."

Rufus chuckled. "I know. Remember it vividly though. I remember everything that has to do with you." Her cheeks got slightly colored as Rufus continued. "So… What did you mean, you were sorry?

Lily sighed. How was she going to explain leaving him had nothing to do with him, or her feelings? He'd probably think she was a fool. "Rufus…"

"Don't Rufus me, Lil." He grabbed her hands in his before saying: "I just want you to be honest with me. I think I deserve at least that, don't you?"

Lily bit her lip. "You do." Lily was debating on what to tell him. Was she going to tell him the truth? The whole truth? "It's…. Difficult. I eh…. I made a mistake, when I left you. I didn't leave because I stopped loving you. God, I was still madly in love with you at the time."

Rufus frowned. "So why did you go?"

A sad smile appeared on her lips. "You know… I…" She wanted to tell him the truth. The whole truth. It sounded so stupid in her head though. It made her feel so silly. She sighed before she whispered: "I just thought things weren't right… I thought I robbed you from, from… Stuff. I thought I was holding you back, I missed my life in New York… Things just went.. Wrong. I was having all these doubts, I was getting so scared of making bad decisions, of hurting you…"

"You could've told me all of that, you know…."

Lily sighed as she looked down to her feet. "I should've done that, I know that now…"

Rufus let go of her hands as he lifted her chin up so she was looking at him again: "Lil… What do you feel? I mean, about me, about us?"

A small smile appeared on her lips before she said: "I've never stopped thinking about you. It may be hard to believe… But I mean it. I've never stopped caring about you… I don't think I've ever stopped loving you."

Rufus reached for her hand with his other one as he squeezed it. Hearing her say those words meant the world to him. They were hurtful as well though; why had they wasted something that had been so good? "You know how long I thought you would come back to me? Weeks, months…"

"You found Alison though.."

Rufus shrugged, as Lily added: "Not that I have the right to be upset about that. I just… I was surprised, that's all."

Rufus dropped his hands to her waist as he pulled her a bit closer, their bodies touching as he said: "I needed to move on… I… I couldn't continu dwelling over losing you."

"Do you love her?"

Lily eyes pierced right through him, and for a moment, Rufus was startled. What was he supposed to say? Yes, he did love Alison. But not in the way he loved Lily, or in the way he had ever loved Lily in the past. "Lil…"

She shook her head. "It's okay, I understand… You have a family now."

"Lil, listen… Of course I love her. She is the mother of my children. I know this is going to sound silly, but I do. I do love her. Just… Just not as much as I love you."

Lily bit her lip as she was trying to hold back tears, looking to her side to avoid looking Rufus in the eye. So he still loved her. She still loved him. A sigh escaped from her lips as she whispered: "I screwed up so bad.."

"There still is time…"

"No, Rufus… There is not." She turned her head again to face him, their bodies still touching in every possible way as she whispered: "I can't ruin your family. You have kids…"

"We… We can't figure this out immediately, I know that, Lil. But…. But I don't think it's honest if I stay with Alison when quite frankly I'm still in love with you."

"But what if you don't like the person I am these days?"

Rufus tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, causing Lily to shiver slightly as she said: "You're you, Lil. Of course I like you."

"But I've changed…"

A small grin appeared on Rufus' face. "Yes… You're now wearing tight skirts and high heels and way too expensive satin blouses instead of leather and denim and knee high boots. But you still have the same heart."

Lily smiled, slightly ironic, as she said: "You have so much faith in me. Maybe a little bit too much.."

Rufus raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

She shook her head. "I eh… There are things you don't know… About me. I think if you'll find out, you won't be that keen on me anymore. I don't even think you would love me anymore."

Rufus cupped her cheeks and brought her face closer to his as he whispered: "How could I ever not love you?" He looked at her lips, to her eyes, and back to her lips again. Rufus wanted to kiss her so bad. The moment she bit her lip he let out a moan. "God, Lil, don't."

He was glad to hear her chuckle lightly before she whispered: "Or what, Humphrey?" Their eyes connected again, and Rufus knew he was about kiss Lily again. Lily knew she was about to kiss Rufus again. They never broke eye-contact as their faces moved even closer, their lips almost touching as Lily whispered: "It's quite a coincidence, isn't it… That we're here together, on this day."

Rufus smiled. "I think that's faith."

He was about to kiss her when a loud bang startled them. They both jumped up, letting go of the other as they turned to face the frontdoor. An angry Alison stood in front of them. Little Dan on her left side, sucking his thumb as he was watching his father, and little Jenny in her arms.

Alison looked as if she was both about to cry and about to go insane as she hissed: "What the hell is going on here?" 

* * *

"Al, you have to understand.."

Alison looked at Rufus with tears in her eyes. "Oh, I understand perfectly fine, you just want to screw Lily 'cause you're angry with me.."

"It doesn't have anything to do with sex, can you just let me finish please?"

"No!" Alison got up and threw the first thing her hand came across against the wall; a glass vase.

"Alison, stop it, the kids are going to get upset."

"Yeah, maybe you should've thought of that before bringing her to our home," Alison hissed.

"I know that wasn't the smartest thing to do, Alison, I'm sorry…"

"Yes, me too. I've always known you loved her more then you loved me. I just… I thought that our family meant something to you. That it was precious to you. Apparently you don't give a shit, though."

Rufus was about to reply when the cries of a baby interrupted them. Alison shook her head as she made her way over to the baby's room, closing the door behind her. Rufus dropped on the couch with a sigh.

This hadn't been the greatest idea. After Alison had walked in, Lily had pretty much fled the scene immediately. She had apologized to Alison, who had pretty much kept her mouth shut apart from calling Lily a fucking slut as she had walked away to put little Jenny in her bed and tell Dan to go watch a cartoon in his bedroom.

The moment she had returned though, she had gone ballistics. Rufus couldn't blame her. This had been such a bad thing to do. He was know hurting four people; Alison, Lily, Dan and Jenny. Rufus shook his head as some curse words escaped his lips. What the hell was he supposed to do now?

 _Note: So, that is it for today :) . I hope you liked it, like I said, still debating on what would be best to do with this story, haha, so many options, so many options... Please let me know your thoughts on this and on this chapter of course. Thanks for reading XO._


	18. Egg rolls and Chardonnay

_**Note:** Dear all, thanks again for reading. Jessie and lilyandrufus, thanks again for your reviews, they make my day. Your compliments make me smile so much, it feels nice to have such great followers :) I've decided to switch the story up a bit and give you guys some more to read. The final chapter therefor will be different form the one I had already written, so I'm thinking about changing that up and just post it as one-shot sometime soon. Hope you'll enjoy this :) XO._

 **Chapter 17: Egg rolls and Chardonnay**

 ** _19th of February, 1995_**

"Where are your kids?"

"The nanny took them out. I figured it would be a good idea to not have them here while we were having this talk."

Rufus looked at Lily as she turend around; she looked calm, collected. Which obviously was quite the facade; he could tell it was, he had known her for too long. He nodded as he looked at her outfit. She was wearing jeans today, a nice, emerald sweater on top. Casual, but good.

"I eh… I'm sorry for what Alison said to you."

Lily shrugged as she sat down on her white, modern couch. "It's okay." Rufus sat down next to her. "No, it's not." Lily chuckled as she said: "I would've called myself a slut too, if I had been in Alison's position. Not to mention I would've beat you up and called you quite some nasty names too."

Rufus shook his head. "Oh, believe me, she did." He ran a hand through his hair as he said: "So…"

"So…" Lily managed to press out a small smile as she said: "You want some coffee?"

He shook his head. "No, I'm good. I'm just… Trying to find the right words to say what I need to say."

Lily's heart dropped as she heard him say those words. Of course he wasn't going to leave his family. He probably shouldn't; she was still hiding stuff from hi mand that really wasn't the best foundation for a relationship, no matter how much two people loved each other. She tried to keep herself calm as she said: "You know, I understand… I don't want you to leave your family, Rufus. Dan and Jenny need their father."

"No, Lil, I…"

"Larissa, could you put on some coffee please?" Lily said with a raised voice, knowing her maid would hear her. "Sorry, I really need coffee."

Rufus nodded as he actually looked at Lily's place for the first time. Everything was so… Modern, chique, sophisticated… And she had a maid, apparently. "Lil, listen, I…"

"It's okay, really, I understand, it's…"

"Lily!" He cupped her cheeks before saying: "Could you just listen for a minute?" He could tell she was uncomfortable and he smiled, gently caressing her cheek as she nodded and softly said: "Sorry. I'm nervous."

He smiled. "It's okay. Listen, I know that this is complicated. Maybe.." Rufus dropped his hands when Larissa came and put two cups of coffee in front of them. "Thank you, Larissa."

When Larissa left, he continued. "Maybe we should actually talk, first. About what happened… I know you said you've made mistakes, but I guess I made some too. Honesty is key, here. And considering honesty… I love you. Even if I wouldn't want to, I just can't help myself. And I know my kids deserve a normal family. But having parents that love each other plays such a huge part in that. How can I expect my children to grow up happy when their parents aren't? I don't love Alison. I mean, I do… But not in the way I love you. I love her as the mother of my children. You… You're just… You're you, Lil. I don't want to live without you, even if I can."

Lily smiled, her hand reaching for his as she let out a sigh of relief. "It's so good to hear you say all that…"

Rufus smiled as he nodded. "Maybe… Maybe we should just start, right now. Get rid of everything that is standing in our way. Talk to me… Why did you leave? Why dind't you come find me after I'd sent you that postcard about when I was back in New York.."

"Wait, what do you mean?" Lily raised her eyebrows. A postcard? Rufus was getting confused. "A postcard… I sent you a card, from Amsterdam… When we where there. I… I wrote about… I don't know, about missing you, being back in my Brooklyn appartment in July… I send it to your mother's place."

Lily rolled her eyes as she sighed. "God, my mother…I… I never got a postcard, Rufus. I think my mother made sure I didn't get it."

Rufus frowned. "Why… Why wouldn't your mother want me to write you a postcard?"

A sigh escaped from Lily's lips as she said: "You know, that's quite the story." Lily was preparing to tell Rufus the truth –the whole truth,- when a buzzing noise interrupted them. The phone was ringing. "Don't you want to get that," Rufus said as he pointed towards the kitchen. Lily wove her hand. "Larissa will get it."

Rufus chuckled. "How strange, someone in your house, doing everything for you… I'd like to borrow her for a while." Lily chuckled. "I know you think it's insane." Rufus shrugged. "I don't judge." "Yes you do, don't deny it." Both knew they were being playful and Lily couldn't help but smile. It felt as if time had been standing still when they were acting like this, all joy and pleasure.

"Miss Lily?" Larissa's voice interrupted them as Lily turned around to face Larissa. "Yes?" Larissa seemed a bit uneasy as she said: "I have a woman on the phone, asking if a mister Humphrey is here? It's urgent." Both Lily and Rufus frowned as Lily said: "Ehm, who is it?" "She said her name was Alison."

Lily looked at Rufus, who was still frowning as he said: "I didn't tell her I was coming to see you…"

Lily was slightly annoyed. How did Alison even dare calling her? "Maybe she's checking on you?"

Rufus ran a hand trhough his hair. "I don't know… No offense, but she really doesn't like you." He got up from the couch as he added: "Maybe there is something wrong. I should check." He walked over to the phone and thanked Larissa while Lily sighed. She had finally worked up the courage to tell Rufus everything. She wasn't sure how long that courage was going to last. She looked at Rufus who was on the phone. Lily expected him to start telling Alison how inappropriate it was for her to call her. His silence therefor surprised her.

"What do you mean, just fell? How can he just fall, Alison?" Rufus sounded worried as he said those words, and Lily suddenly felt selfish. Maybe there was something wrong.

"Jesus… Okay, where are you now? … I'll meet you there." He hung up without saying another word as he walked over to the couch to grab his jacket. "Lil, I'm so sorry. Dan fell while he was playing in the parc, sitting on the swing. His hed was bleeding ,his leg was hurting… Alison took him to the ER, I have to go."

Lily nodded. "Yes, of course. How… Do you need a ride?"

"I'll grab a cab. Lil… I.. We'll talk later, okay. I'm sorry." Rufus looked at her, she could tell he was sorry, but obviously worried about his son. "Don't be sorry." She followed her instincts as she put one hand on his cheek, and grabbed his hand with her other, kissing him quickly and lightly before adding: "Dan needs you. Go."

Rufus nodded, managing to smile at her. "Thanks Lil. Thank you." He squeezed her hand before quickly walking away, Lily watching him as he went. She felt bad for feeling angry with Alison for calling; she just hoped Dan was okay.

 ** _23th of February, 1995_**

"Lil! Lil!"

Lily was walking down the street with her coffee-to-go as she heard someone calling for her from behind her. She knew it was Rufus; no one else called her Lil. She stopped and turned, sliding her sunglasses in her hair as she smiled. "Hey, you." She fought the urge to kiss him as he stood in front of her, smiling. "Hey. I'm so glad I saw you walking here."

She chuckled. "Yes… Needed my daily dose of coffee."

"Hmm.. Where are your kids?"

"Out. Serena's playing with a friend, Erik's with my mother." Rufus nodded before he said: "Wanna go for a walk?"

Lily nodded. "Sure. How is Dan?"

"Okay. He eh, he has a big wound on his forehead. He literally fell face forward from the swings, and he broke his elbow. So he know has a bright orange cast around his arm."

"Ah, poor thing."

"Yeah… But hey, he knows now that he should hold himself carefully when swinging like a lunatic. Handsfree isn't really the best way to perform on a swing when you're four." A small smile appeared on Rufus' face and Lily couldn't help but chuckle lightly. "Well, I'm glad he's okay."

"Me too." They were silent for a second until Rufus said: "So… I'd meant to call you sooner." Lily nodded, waiting for him to continue. She didn't want to tell him, but she kind of had been waiting for his call. Lily wasn't sure it it had been appropriate for her to call him. Besides, she really didn't feel like getting Alison on the line.

"I eh… Dan kind of took up my time though, obviously. And Alison has been trying to talk to me for some time as well."

"Oh…"

Rufus shrugged. "Yeah, she eh… She wanted to know what was going on. With me, you know. And my feelings." Lily nodded. "Can't blame her for that."

They reached a small parc and the moment they were in between the trees, Rufus grabbed her hand, glad to finally get a bit closer to Lily. "No… We've been talking a lot."

He stopped walking when they stood underneath one of the trees and he pushed Lily lightly so they were out of the pathway before he said: "She eh… I told Alison that I love you. She eh… She knew. She has always known. It was an…. Intreresting talk, to say the least. It was such a relief, telling her. I think she has always known."

Lily nodded, not sure where Rufus was heading. He took both her hands in his as he pulled her closer to him. "I think we should try and make it work again. If you want to, of course."

A smile appeared on Lily's face. For a moment, she forgot about all the things she hadn't told Rufus yet. She just felt happy, a joilt of pleasure running through her veins. "Are you sure?"

"Of course I am. Are you?"

Lily nodded with excitement before whispering: "Of course."

"I think we have a lot to talk about… Maybe dinner, tomorrow?"

Lily nodded. "That's good." For a few seconds they just stood there, staring into each other's eyes; they were sparkling. Lily knew there was so much she had to tell, that there was so much left to discuss. For now, for this split second, things just felt so good. She bit her lip before saying: "You know, there is something that can't wait until tomorrow."

Rufus raised his eyebrows. "Like what?"

The corners of Lily's mouth lifted up in anticipation as she said: "This," before moving closer to him and kissing his lips. Gently, at first. Both had been so eager though; their longing had been so great and their feelings were just so real. Rufus pulled her even closer, touching her lower back and squeezing her ass gently before smiling and murmuring: "God, I've missed that ass."

 ** _24th of February 1995_**

It was eight in the evening as Lily looked at her place. She had done nicely, or at least she considered it to look nice. She knew Rufus didn't like fancy stuff so she had decided to keep things simple. She had made sure the table looked clean and nice, a pretty candle in the middle and nothing more. Lily had decided tonight wasn't the night to show off her not-so-great cooking skills and figured she'd order the food they had always loved; Chinese. Instead of wearing fancy dresses and neat skirts, which she had usually done when going out with William, she had figured it would be nice to dress a bit more… Well, a bit more casual. A little bit, at least.

Lily walked to her mirror to check once more if she really looked okay. She stared at the black dress she was wearing. It was form-fitting with long sleeves and had a quite low v-neck, showing off just enough of her cleavage to feel sexy but not slutty. She was wearing a pair of knee-high boots with it; she had found them in the back of her closet and had been smiling immediately, memories of her in oversized blouses while wearing them floating through her mind. They were perfect. Her hair was sleek, reaching just above her breasts and her make-up was natural, but of course with a dark red lip. She knew Rufus could be there any minute now, and she was so excited. She decided to check on her kids once more, wanting to make sure they were okay and asleep.

Lily watched Serena, sleeping quietly in her bed. Her blonde hair was spread out over her pillow and she looked all happy and peaceful. Lily closed the door with a smile before moving to Eric's room. Eric was still awake though; his eyes were looking to nowhere in particular as he was making little noise.

"Oh, beautiful, why aren't you sleeping?" Lily picked her baby up before kissing his head. "You should be asleep, honey." She held him close to him as she started talking to him about nothing in particular, hoping his mother's words and soft sways would let him fall asleep soon.

She didn't notice the man watching her until she heard someone whisper: "Hey you."

Lily turned around, a bit startled, but was relieved when she found Rufus behind her and smiled. "Hey. What are you doing up here?" Rufus whispered quietly, noticing the sleeping baby in her arms as he said: "Larissa let me in, said you were upstairs…"

Lily smiled at him before quietly putting Eric back to bed, who was now sleeping peacefully. Rufus loved seeing her like this; he couldn't help but smile as he watched her with her child, being all tender and loving. They left the room and the moment she closed the door, Rufus smiled at her and kissed her. "You're a good mommy." "That's sweet." Lily grabbed his hand as they walked down the stairs, trying not to wake the kids in the process.

When they reached the kitchen, Rufus finally gaveh is eyes the time to acrually look at Lily. He looked her up and down before saying: "You look so good." He walked over to her as Lily smiled and said: "Thanks, so do you." He pecked her lips gently before saying: "Here, I eh… I brought you a lily. So cliche, but I know you appreciate it."

Lily chuckled. "That's so sweet. Thank you. I'll go put it in a vase. You want some wine?"

"Sure. What's for dinner?"

Lily smiled as she walked over to the kitchen to get the bottle of wine and a vase. "You'll see."

At that very moment, the doorbell rang. "Rufus, would you mind getting that… I think Larissa is upstairs."

"Sure."

Lily smiled to herself as she grabbed glasses and chardonnay, knowing it was the delivery guy. She hoped Rufus wasn't bored yet with Chinese food. She had just poured them the wine as Rufus came walking in with a smile plastered on his face and a plastic bag in his hand. "So this is you're way of cooking, huh?" He winked and Lily smiled. "I figured I'd hold on to traditions…"

Rufus kissed her lips before saying: "You're perfect."

* * *

Their dinner had been perfect and normal. It struck Rufus how normal everything felt. Yes, they had so many things to talk about. Their kids, their lives… Everything. They had managed to avoid the break-up part, though Rufus knew it had to come up sometime soon.

They were currently sitting on the couch, side by side, legs touching, hands holding… He could hear Lily chuckle before she said: "I feel like we're seventeen again."

Rufus chuckled. "I know… Except we switched the mini van for slightly more luxurious penthouse."

Lily smiled. "Hmm…" She nestled her feet under her, taking a most comfortable position before she said: "I know you've been trying to be a gentleman and avoid the talk about me breaking up with you…"

A small smile appeared on Rufus' lips; Lily could read him so well. He shrugged as he said: "I eh… I want you to talk about it, because you want to. Not because I want to know. Although, I have to say, I would like to know."

"I know…" Lily sighed before rubbing her temples. She was already getting a headache with the anticipation of having to have this talk. Lily was scared. Scared Rufus would hate her, scared he would despise her. "I… I just don't want you to hate me, Rufus."

"I could never."

"Don't be too sure about that, Lil." He squeezed her hand. "I just want this to be out of our way. A clean slate, a fresh start… It will all be good. Just be honest with me."

Lily nodded as she took a deep breath, not letting go of Rufus' hand as she started talking, looking away from Rufus instead of in his eyes. "When eh… When my mom visited us in Boston, near the end of the tour I eh… I thought she was okay. With you and me, with us. When I went out for dinner with her though, she was completely freaking out. How I was a disgrace to our family, how I was becoming my sister, how I was such a embaressement, going out on your all the time with a rock and roll band, not getting any education… She said I had to think wisely, decide if I wanted to be a part of this family or not. She eh…"

Lily's eyes were getting watery. She felt so much regret; why had she ever listened to her mother? It sounded even more stupid now that she was saying it out loud. She felt as if she'd been so greedy, so… Stupid.

She was wiping away her tears as Rufus tilted her chin up to make her look at him. "Hey. It's okay. She's your mother…"

Lily shook her head. "No, it's not… I… She told me she would disinherit me, that she would not allow me to be part of our family anymore, that her inheritance would not be mine. That nothing of our family would be mine anymore, if I would decide to stay with you." Tears were falling faster down her face, too fast for her to wipe thema way anymore, before she whispered: "I choose money over you, Rufus. How could I? Why?"

"Hey. Hey, look at me…" Rufus shook his head as he looked into Lily's crying eyes, her blue eyes red and watery and full of remorse. "Lil… You choose your family. I'm not saying it's okay, but it's completely understandable.. I've met your mother, Lil. I can tell what she's like, how she can be…"

"I shouldn't have fallen for it though."

"You were nineteen, Lily. It's quite normal for a 19 year old not to want to cut off her entire family. No matter how much she's in love with someone…"

Lily couldn't stop her tears as she whispered: "You're so sweet." Rufus pulled her closer for a hug and Lily accepted it immediately, burrying her face in his chest as she sobbed. Rufus stroke her hair. So this is why she had left him? Of course it hurt, Lily not choosing him. However, this was something easy for him to at least understand a little bit. She had been torn. He kissed her hair before he said: "We'll be good, Lil. Everything's good."

Lily wanted to tell him it wasn't. She wanted to tell him there was something more. Something that was so much more important, something that was so difficult. She couldn't though. She could tell he was going to be hurt. Extremely hurt. She wanted them to be okay. She wanted to forget about the past, concentrate on a future… A future with Rufus.

She looked up from his chest, her eyes and face all red before saying: "God, I look like a mess now."

Rufus chuckled. "You're always beautiful, silly."

"Thank you."

Lily stared into his eyes, almost drowning in those sparkling, kind puppy dog eyes of his. She repositioned herself to make herself more comfortable before capturing her lips with his. Lily eagerly parted his lip with her tongue, not waiting for him to grant her access. Their tongues started duelling as she moved herself, straddling him as she rest her knees on either side of him on the couch. She moaned when his lips moved to her neck, gently biting it before he panted: "You feel so good, Lil."

His hands moved to her ass, not even trying to be gentle as he squeezed it. Lily cupped his cheeks to move his face back to hers, wanting to feel his lips on hers as she felt him grow against her. God, she had missed him. Their kisses, their bodies, it all felt so perfect. Absolutely perfect.


	19. Family Matters

_Note: Hi all! It's Sunday, yay. That calls for late morning coffees, take-out for dinner and... A new chapter! Please enjoy :) XO._

 **Chapter 18: Family Matters**

 ** _2nd of April, 1995_**

"It's your birthday, beautiful!" Rufus excitedly put a huge cake on the table, a smiling 2 year-old Jenny holding out her hands as she reached for it. Rufus chuckled as he said: "Let's wait a little longer before you go ruin that cake, honey."

Lily watched the scenary with a smile. Little Jenny was so excited for her birthday; she'd been smiling since 7 that morning, or at least so had Rufus told her. Dan, Serena and Eric were all standing and sitting around the table, watching Jenny while trying to talk to each other. It was all so adorable. And then there was Rufus, wearing party hat while being the very excited daddy of the birthday girl. It was all too cute.

It felt somewhat weird, watching their two families melted together like this. Alison had brought Jenny and Dan over the night before, and she would pick them up again in the afternoon again to celebrate Jenny's birthday. Lily hadn't seen Alison after their run-in on Valentine's Day. Lily felt bad every no wand then, thinking about it. After all, it did feel as if she had stolen someone's husband. Which, in all honesty, she had. She tried shaking those thoughts off though; now was not the time to think about it all.

Jenny was letting out cries of pleasure, and Lily decided it was time to grab her camera. This needed to be in print. Jenny was being so adorable, and Lily was sure Rufus would love to have pictures of this. Lily found her camera quickly, taking several snaps.

"Come on Jenny, we can blow out the candles together. You have to do like this, okay?" Rufus knew his daughter wouldn't understand a thing of what he was seeing, but hey, it was cute, right? Lily smiled as she took a snap of Rufus blowing at the candles on the cake, Jenny eagerly smiling, ready for her cake.

"Kids, you all want some cake?"

"Yeah!" Dan said, full of excitement.

Rufus was about to cut the cake when Jenny's hand smashed right into it. "Jenny, honey, no…" Jenny apparently love dit though, smashing her other hand in it as well. Lily chuckled out loud as she took a few photographs. Rufus couldn't help but chuckle either. "Ah, you're making such a mess.. You're lucky you're so cute."

Lily decided it was time to help him and put her camera aside; humid paper towels would probably do better right now.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Rufus was standing in Lily's bedroom, yawning. He took off his shirt, deciding it was time for bed. Alison had picked up the kids at his loft earlier that evening, and he had decided to go back to Lily's place again. Alison had been quite grumpy, not saying a word to him while smiling at the kids. She really wasn't happy with the choices he'd been making, which he could obviously understand.

"Rufus… You're okay? You've been so quiet ever since you got back here."

Lily was in the bathroom that was in line with her bedroom, the open door making sure they could still communicate.

"I'm sorry, honey. Alison picking up the kids was a bit of crappy moment."

"Don't apologize. Was she okay?"

Rufus shrugged as he sat on the bed, dressed in a pair of joggers only, as he ruffed his hair. "Not really. But then again, I wouldn't really know as she barely said a word to me."

"I'm sorry, Rufus…."

"Not your fault. Or, well, maybe it is but I don't blame you," he joked. "We'll talk about that later though, for now I just want to sleep."

"Ah, you're tired?"

"Hmm." Rufus crawled into the bed, the satin sheets feeling cool against his skin. "I am, actually."

"You sure?"

Rufus chuckled. "I think I'm fairly certain about being tired as I…"

Rufus stopped talking the moment Lily walked out of the bathroom, wearing nothing but red high heels and a black, lace, partially see through body. She looked him straight into the eyes, pouting her red painted lips as she said: "That's too bad though, I had other plans in mind.." Lily reached the edge of the bed before saying: "But I guess those will have to wait if you're tired."

Lily was turning around again as Rufus scooted up and crawled to the end of the bed, sitting up on his knees while grabbing her arm as he said: "You're not going anywhere." He swirled her around with a grin on his face, finding her with a smug smile on hers as she raised her eyebrows. "Not so sleepy after all?"

"Hmm, suddenly not so tired." He kissed her passionately, not caring about the amount of red lipstick that was probably gonna be smeared all over his face in no-time. Lily stepped into the bed, aching to be closer to Rufus as their tongues were duelling for the upper hand. Lily led her hand slide down Rufus' back, causing him to shiver. She broke their kiss, only to push him so he'd be on his back, a smug smile appearing on her face as she could already see his member grow.

Rufus stared at the woman near his feet. Fuck, she was so sexy. Her eyes were dark, filled with arousal, as she slowly crawled closer to him, making sure their eyes never lost the connection. She kissed his mouth first, then his neck, biting down slightly.

"Jesus.." Rufus moaned. This was torture. Sweet torture. He flipped them the second he knew he could, a grin on his face as he said: "You always want to be in charge."

Lily bit her lip, innocently looking up at him as she said: "I do not."

"Yes, you do."

"Okay." She smiled, batting her eyelashes before saying: "Maybe I do."

"Hmm…" Rufus moved his face down to hers, their lips almost touching as he said: "I'm in charge tonight." He kissed her hard before moving his lips down her neck, kissing her as he slowly undressed her. He moaned when he saw her bare breasts, her nipples already hard and waitng for him. He sucked and kissed her left breast, then her right, Lily not even bothering to be quiet. She loved it when he did that.

"Take it off." His voice was husky and panting. Lily really wasn't in the mood to argue about it; she wanted that thing off too. Her hands rushed down to take the tiny little bit of fabric she was wearing off, and she was happy to see Rufus do the exact same with his. Seeing him, so ready and fully made her moan.

Rufus pushed her down on her back again before kissing her between her breasts, down to her bellybutton… When he kissed her right above where usually the line of her panties was, Lily couldn't control her body anymore. She bucked against him, breathing heavily as she said: "Please…"

"Please what?"

Lily's eyes were closed as she panted: "You know what."

"I want to her you say it, Lil."

She opened her eyes and stared right into his as she said: "I want you to kiss me. Lick me. Take me."

Rufus bit his lip before moving his lips in between her legs, causing immediate moans to come out of Lily's mouth. Fuck, she was so hot. He brought up his hand, entering her with two fingers, pumping slowly. "Fuck…" He licked and kissed her before removing his fingers. Lily's hands got entangled in his hair as he gently pushed his tongue against her clit, licking it. "Jesus, Rufus…."

She lifted his head up gently, panting loudly before murmuring: "Take me. Take me, please."

 ** _11th of April, 1995_**

"Lily Rhodes, hello."

"Lily, it's me." The voice on the other end of the line startled Lily. It was William. William, who hadn't been in touch with her ever since the divorce, who hadn't even been asking about his children ever since he'd gone. She was surprised; why was he callling her?

"William! You're pretty much the last person I'd ever expect to call me." Lily took a sip of the coffee she had just made for herself while leaning against the wall. She could hear William chuckle on the other side of the line before he said: "Hmm, yes, I can understand that. That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about…"

"Oh." Lily was not sure what to tell him. Luckily, William continued talking anyway. "I eh, I don't think I've been handling things the way I should have. I was pretty much way too busy with me, and my job. Can I eh… Can I maybe come over later today, to see you, and the kids? I'd like to talk to you in person…"

Lily sighed. "William, you can always see your children. I do have dinner plans for tonight, but I guess you can come over in the afternoon."

"I appreciate that, Lily, thanks. We'll talk then, okay?"

"Sure. Bye, William."

"'See you soon Lily, bye."

Lily sighed as she hung up the telephone and made her way back to the couch. She wasn't sure what to think about William's upcoming visit. William had fled New York after their divorce was finalized in the end of February. Things between them had turned cold and, quite frankly, neither one of them had felt the urge to spend any more time together. For Eric and Serena's sake though, Lily had told him he would always be welcome to see them, and that perhaps they should try to work out an arrangement without lawyers that would be satisfying for all of them. It had never come that far though; William had left New York two days after that talk, leaving Lily behind with prety much no clue as to what he'd be up to. She sighed; William was already giving her a headache and he wasn't even in her loft yet.

The ping of the elevator startled her, but Lily was relieved when she found Rufus stepping out of it. "Rufus!"

"Hey beautiful." He held up a brown paperbag and said: "I eh… I got us lunch. And croissants and juice for Serena and Eric."

Lily smiled as she made her way over to him, throwing her arms around his neck as she said: "You're the best. I'll go get Eric and Serena. You wanna set up the table?"

"Yes… Something else first though?"

"What?"

Rufus attacked her with little kisses, on her lips, on her cheeks, in her neck… Lily couldn't help giggling, which Rufus thought was absolutely adorable. He gave her one, long kiss on her lips before saying: "Okay. Now you can go."

Lily smiled as she untangled herself from him. "I love you, Rufus."

"I love you too, Lil."

Lily came downstairs with the kids a couple of minutes later. Serena ran over to the table immediatly, eyeing the croissants with louter enthusiasm. Lily was carrying Eric, who was holding out his hands into the direction of Rufus. "Ah, you want to go say hi to Rufus?"

Rufus smiled; Eric was a cute little guy. He walked over to Lily and her son as he said: "Well, hello there big guy! How are you?" Rufus took Eric in his arms and hugged him, making crazy faces and chuckling before settling him in his little chair. Lily looked at the scenary with a smile; they actually seemed to be a family. 

* * *

The kids fled after breakfast, running off to play. Lily knew she had to tell Rufus about William's call, so this pretty much was a nice scenario. She didn't want Serena hearing anything about her father possibly coming over. It would be typically William to not show up after al land she didn't want to dissapoint her.

"So… I need to talk to you about something."

Rufus' eyes shot up from the paper that he'd been reading at the kitchen table. "What's wrong?"

"Oh nothing, nothing…." Lily sat down next to him before she said: "I eh… I got a call this morning, from Will."

Rufus raised his eyebrows. "What did he want?"

"He said he wanted to talk to me, see the kids… If it was okay for him to come over this afternoon."

"What did you say?"

"Well, I can't keep him from Eric and Serena, that would be unfair. He said he'd been realizing he made mistakes after the divorce, and that he wanted to talk to me about that."

Rufus huffed. "Mistakes, that's one way of putting things."

Lily smiled. She hadn't been telling Rufus every single detail about the divorce, but he obviously knew most of it. He wasn't a fan of William, to say the least. She put her hand on his knee as she said: "It'll be okay. I'll kick him out the moment he starts behaving like a dickhead."

"You better. When is he coming?"

"I'm not sure, he said he'd be here in the afternoon…"

The moment Lily finished her sentence, the elevator doors beeped again.

"Lily?" William's low voice was heard and Rufus sighed. "Figures… You want me to stay?"

Lily shook her head. "It's okay. You're coming over tonight, right?"

Rufus nodded and he and Lily got up from their chairs. "In the kitchen!"

William's footstpes were heard and Lily smiled at Rufus once more. "It's okay, really."

Rufus was putting on his leather jacket when William made his way into the kitchen, a sly smile on his face. "Lily! Oh, and a friend, I see?" Rufus fought the urge to roll his eyes as he stuck out his hand and said: "Rufus Humphrey."

William shook his hand, the sly smile not dissapearing from his face as he said: "Ah, the Rufus Humphrey. Nice to meet you. William van der Woodsen."

Rufus ignored the man as he turned back to Lily. "I'll see you tonight, Lil." She nodded and Rufus kissed her lips before taking off, not giving William another look.

William raised his eyebrows the moment Rufus left and said: "Ah, you didn't wait very long to replace me, huh?" His wink annoyed Lily, but she kept smiling as she said: "Well, technically I didn't replace you as I went up a notch, but well, timing isn't always perfect."

They stood in front of each other for a moment before William walked over to her and kissed her cheek. "I've missed you, Lily. It's good to see you…"

Lily shook her head. "Wish I could say the same. You want coffee?"

"I'd rather see my kids, actually." Lily raised her eyebrows as she said: "Look, Will, I get it, but you can't expect me to be all happy that you're here all of a sudden. You haven't been in touch with us ever since you left, the kids…" She rubbed her temples before she said: "They thought you didn't want to be with them anymore. Serena was crying for two weeks in a row, every night, asking me why daddy didn't love her anymore… Do you have any idea how awful that is?"

William sighed as he sat down in one of the chairs. "I know I've been a lousy father, Lily… I don't expect you to forgive me for that. I've made tons of mistake, I've been an awful father, an awful husband, an awful friend…" He looked at her before he said: "I was hoping I could make amends. With the kids, with you… I've missed being a part of this family."

Lily shook her head, a small sigh escaping from her lips. "I… I'm not gonna prevent you from seeing or being with the kids. I would never do such thing. But being a family again… That's not going to happen. I'm happy now…"

"Mommy, mommy, can you help me…" Little Serena came running into the kitchen, causing William to spin around immediately. Serena was completely oblivious to the man in the kitchen at first, her eyes on her mother only.

Lily scraped her throat; the rest of her conversation obviously had to wait. "Honey…. Look who's here?" She pointed to William, who got up from his chair. A huge grin was spread across his face as he said: "My little princess!"

"Daddy?"

* * *

Lily's face looked like a thunderstorm when Rufus entered the loft again around six the evening. He had a whole buch of groceries with him, planning on making is famous chili for the night. He made his way over to her as he said: "Lil, hey… What's up?" He put the groceries on the kitchen table, looking at the pretty blonde with a worried frown.

She shook her head and let out a frustrated groan. "God, I'm happy you're here. Will took the kids out for dinner." Lily threw her arms around his neck and kissed him. Rufus turned Lily around after they broke their kiss, rubbing her neck slightly as he said: "Hmm.. They were happy to see him, I assume?"

Lily let out an ironic chuckle. "Happy is an understatement. I don't think I've ever seen Serena this excited, not even when she got her golden dress with matching shoes and crown last Christmas." Rufus couldn't help but chuckle. "And William?"

Another groand escaped from Lily's lips. "He just… Pretended everything was fine, didn't say a word about not being there for a few months and just started talking about ice cream and pizza."

Rufus kissed her hair as he said: "I hate to say this, but I think it's good that he didn't actually say stuff like that to Serena… She too young to understand."

Lily turned around again and sighed. "I know… It's just… I would hate for her to be dissapointed in him again." She leant against Rufus, who put his arm around her as he said: "I know, and that makes complete sense. Just… Just let them have their fun tonight. You and William can talk afterwards. In the mean time…. There are a lot of other fun stuff we can do."

Lily lifted her head up just in time to see Rufus wiggle his eyebrows, and she couldn't help but chuckle. "Such as?"

"Well, making chili of course, what do you think I was talking about?" He let go of her as he made his way over to the table again, preparing to get all groceries and get started on the food.

Lily shook her head, smiling as she said: "That's no dessert for you, Humphrey. It's no style, getting a lady all happy over nothing."

"Oh, you're saying my chili is nothing?"

Lily stuck out her tongue as she said: "I'm just saying there are other, better things than chili." She smiled seductively at Rufus before making her way up the stairs and saying: "But if you'd rather make chili, that's fine. I'll just go take a bath by myself then."

Upon hearing the words bath, Rufus turned around to the stairs, seeing Lily had already vanished. He shrugged before quickly putting all his groceries in fridge; chili coul wait a little longer.

He then rushed up the stairs in a hurry, not wanting to waste any time with Lily in the bathtub. He was surprised to find the bathroom empty though. He turned around again to see Lily smiling in the doorway of the bedroom. "I knew you'd come up if I'd say even the slightest about taking a bath."

"You're so evil…." Rufus made his way over to her as he kissed her. He moved his lips to her ear before saying: "I think we should take a bath after all."

"Hmm, more fun than chili?"

Rufus slipped out his tongue to lightly lick Lily's earlobe, beforing biting gently and saying: "So much more fun than chili." 

* * *

Lily made her way back into the kitchen about two hours later. She watched Rufus for a second while he was cooking; his hair was still wet and he was wearing his jeans and t-shirt only, looking so masculine and utterly hot.

She hugged him from behind as she said: "Smells delicious already."

"So do you." He turned his head to lightly peck her lips as Lily grabbed two glasses and wine, pouring some for both Rufus and herself before sitting on one of the chairs in the kitchen.

Rufus turned around to look at her, staring right into her smiling face. She was wearing the blouse he'd been wearing, her bare legs dangling in the air. He bit his lips before saying: "Jesus, you're so hot."

Lily chuckled, her cheeks colouring slightly. "You should stop giving me so many compliments, Rufus."

"Since when do you have any problems with compliments?" He grinned at her before focusing on his chili again.

Lily shrugged and smiled, not saying a word. She loved seeing him in the kitchen. She only then realized she'd managed to not think about William for the last couple of hours. How great was that. She kept smiling as she eyed Rufus, once again admiring his very good ass while patiently waiting for the chili to be served.

 _Note: So, this was all pretty cute and fun, huh... Beware... It won't be all fun and sweet and cute forever... ;) XO._


	20. Dark Paradise

**_Note: Hellooo! Next chapter's here! This was a difficult one to write, I was constantly thorn between two different storylines I wanted to follow... I have actually written both but decided this was the best and most interesting way to go, haha. Hope you guys agree! XO._**

 **Chapter 19: Dark Paradise**

 ** _13th of April 1995_**

"Hello beautiful!"

Lily rolled her eyes. "I told you to stop calling me that."

"I'm just merely stating the facts, Lily." William kissed her cheek before taking place in the seat in front of her. Lily and William had agreed on meeting in one of the Upper East Side's restaurants that night to talk. Lily hadn't been too thrilled about the idea, but she did figure it was the best thing to do. She and William had quite a lot to discuss after all. Lily wanted her and William to get along at least slightly. If he really was serious about being there for the kids, Lily did want them to be on good terms as well.

William ordered them a bottle of wine before she could say something. "Maybe I didn't want a chardonnay?"

William chuckled. "Don't be silly. You always want chardonnay. So… How have you been, Lily?"

Lily rolled her eyes, though she had to admit William was right. She did always like her chardonnay. She decided to stay polite as she said: "It's all been good here… I've been good. Raising Serena and Eric has been good… It's all good."

A small smile appeared on William's lips; he could tell Lily really wasn't interested in a personal conversation with him. He would keep trying nonetheless though. "And your mother?"

"Still my mother." Lily chuckled before adding: "She's doing good. She's planning on moving back to Montecito again. Or at least, that's what she was talking about last time I saw her. She changes like the wind though. You should go see her, I'm sure she'll be delighted."

Their waiter then brought them their wine and asked for their orders. After he had vanished again, William smiled. "Hmm. Maybe I will. I have always loved your mother."

Lily shook her head as she took a sip from her wine. "Yes, and she most definitely loved you too."

"Does she like Rufus?"

"Will…" Lily bit her lip before saying: "She and Rufus haven't been in the same room since he and I got back together. There are some... Issues, with that." Lily realized how personal this was getting though. She quickly composed herself again and smiled. "I really don't feel like discussing that stuff with you though. I think we should just… Discuss how we'll deal with the kids."

"I think we should discuss our private lives, Lily. I still care for you, I want to know how you're doing, how you're feeling." His eyes tried connecting with hers.

Lily shook her head lightly though, avoiding his gaze. William was being too kind and too charming, something that had worked for him in the past. She simply didn't care anymore though. There was nothing left inside her that loved William. She cared, since he was the father of her children. Nothing more, nothing less. "And that is very sweet of you. But I think we should focus on our kids first. We can always try and be friends after that." Lily pretended not to see the slight pout forming on William's lips after he had heard her say "friends".

He slowly nodded before saying: "Okay. If that's what you want, then I guess that's what we'll do." Lily nodded, satisfied with the idea of William agreeing on that before saying: "If you'll excuse me for a second, I have to go to the ladies room. I'll be back in a second."

William nodded and then watched her go, following her and the baby blue dress she was wearing. He sighed; divorcing Lily had been the biggest mistake of his life. Apparently, she had moved one. With freakin' Rufus Humphrey, of all people. William hadn't met Rufus until yesterday. Yes, he had read about him and Lincoln Hawk every now and then. CeCe had told him multiple times how delighted she'd been with him marrying Lily instead of that ditzy, music making ex boyfriend of hers. How ironic for Lily to now be with that ex-boyfriend again. Another sigh escaped his lips before William took another gulp of his wine. He had to do something. He had to bring his family back together again.

* * *

Rufus was surprised to hear a knock on his door at almost midnight. He wasn't surprised it was Lily on the other side of the door though. She smiled as she kissed him, throwing her hands around his neck in the process.

"Hey you."

"Hey… Come in. Jenny and Dan are asleep."

Lily nodded before taking of her heels, figuring that would at least not be bothering the kids asleep. Rufus chuckled at the sight; it was quite adorable. She threw off her coat, revealing the blue dress she'd been wearing that night before settling on the couch. Rufus dropped down next to her before moving closer to her. Lily smiled as she put her feet down in his lap, enjoying their closeness. Rufus started rubbing them gently as he quietly said: "So, I didn't expect to see you here tonight."

She smiled before leaning in to kiss him again. Lily then dropped back into the cushion before as well quietly saying: "Yeah I eh… I wanted to see you after dinner. I'd been missing you."

Rufus couldn't help but chuckle. "We've seen each other this morning, silly."

Lily sighed. "I know… Its just… Will just gets under my skin. He's annoying and wants us to be a family again… I just wish he never came back."

"Hey.." Rufus tilted his head and smiled before saying: "I can imagine it's not that great having him back. Hell, I'm definitely not excited about him being back. But it's great for Eric and Serena, Lil. I'm sure we'll get it all together eventually. It'll be fine."

Lily smiled as she moved, puting her head against his chest instead of her feet in his lap before whispering: "I'm so glad we found each other again, Rufus. I don't know what I'd do without you."

He kissed her hair before saying: "I'm happy about that too. It's time to get some sleep though, don't you think?" Lily yawned as she nodded, slowly getting up of the couch as she said: "Yeah, we should… Can I stay here tonight? Larissa will get the kids ready for the day tomorrow… I want to cuddle with you."

Rufus smiled. "You're always welcome of course, but are you sure? The kids will miss you…"

Lily thought for a second before saying: "I'll get up at seven, then I'll be home in time." Rufus nodded. "That's good. I have a new rule in the bedroom though."

Lily raised her eyebrow as she threw her arms around his neck. "And that is?"

A grin was spread across Rufus' face as he said: "It's a no-clothing area. Which means…" He took the thin strap of Lily's dress in his hand before slowly pushing it down. Lily couldn't help but chuckle as she said: "I think I can deal with that." She pecked his lips before letting go of him, grabbing his hand as she was eagerly making her way to the bedroom.

 ** _18th of April, 1995_**

Lily shove her sunglasses up in her hair when she sat down on the little terrace of her mother's favorite place for lunch. She hadn't yet found her mother, but knowing CeCe she would be there any second. Her mother had invited her for lunch the day before, telling her there was something important they had to discuss. Lily wasn't sure what exactly that important thing was, though her mother had been very eagerly demanding to see her the day after.

"Hello darling." Her mother appeared like a clockwork at one sharp. "Hi, mother." Lily kissed her mother's cheek and sat down again. "I ordered you a coffee already."

"Thank you, Lily."

"So… What do you want so desperately to talk to me about?" Lily eyed her mother, who seemed calm and collected as ever.

"William came to visit me yesterday. You never told me he was back in town." Her mother sounded harsh and the words were uttered with tons of displeasure.

Lily let out a loud sigh. "I know mother, but there were some.. Issues we had to discuss ourselves first."

"I bet Rufus Humphrey knew all about it already though." Lily shook her head at her mother's remark. "I think that makes sense, mother. He's my boyfriend."

CeCe let oud a loud sigh in return. "Yes, well we both know that will probably just be another fase, darling. There are too many secrets between the two of you to ever work things out completely." CeCe's face was graced with a sweet smile, but her comment made Lily cringe. This was typically her mother, but it didn't hurt any less.

Lily squinted her eyes, trying to remain calm as she looked at her mother while saying: "We're not discussing that. Ever. Again. This is low, even for you." Lily was getting up; she was definitely not in the mood to talk to her mother if this was her idea of grabbing a cup of coffee together. She knew her mother was referring to her and Rufus' child she had given up for adoption. It still hurt her deeply, and for her mother to just throw that into their conversation as if it were nothing made her sick.

"Now don't get all worked up over this darling, I'm merely stating the truth. We'll skip that subject if it's that much of a bother to you." CeCe waved her hand, as if she'd be able to wave her comment away. Lily sighed and dropped back into the chair again before saying: "I have other places to go mother. I thought you said it was urgent for us to meet."

"Well, if you really want to cut to the chase that quickly, I wanted to invite you for dinner, you and William. I think it will be fun."

Lily let out a loud sigh. "Mother, I'm not really interested in having dinner with you and Will."

"Well, then bring Rufus!" CeCe clapped her hands in excitment as Lily raised her eyebrows. "Mother… You were talking about Rufus being just a fase ten seconds ago."

"Yes… Well, I think it's good for him and I to try and make amends, if you really think he's the love of your life." CeCe then smiled as she took her last sip of coffee. Lily wasn't sure if meeting them for dinner would be the best idea. She was about to tell her mother she'd discuss it when CeCe got up and said: "Well great, that is settled then, darling. I'll see you and Rufus tomorrow at seven."

Lily grumbled as she said: "Mother, no… We'll discuss this later, but I'm definitely not dragging Rufus into this."

"But I thought you wanted him to be part of our family?"

Lily got up as well, a loud sigh escaping her lips as she said: "He is my family, mother. You go and have dinner with William tomorrow, Rufus and I are definitely not joining you."

* * *

Lily was humming a song in her head as she was gathering some stuff out of the cabinets. Rufus had called her thirty minutes ago. Alison had picked up the kids; they were going to stay with her for the week. He had called to see if she was home and wanted to spend the evening together, to which she had replied she'd obviously loved to.

She was trying to get her loft into some sort of cosy mood. She'd grabbed some candles and lit them on the little table near the couch. Lily then went back to the kitchen, to firstly grab the bottle of wine in its cooler and glasses, and secondly a plate with some bites she'd made. She smiled; she wasn't too great of a cook but even she couldn't mess these kind of stuff up.

She muttered shit under her breath when she heard the beep of the elevator all of a sudden. She hadn't been able to switch her outift yet, causing her to be clad in just a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt. She was about to run up the stairs and quickly change when she noticed the figure in her loft wasn't Rufus; it was William.

"Will."

He turned to her with a grin on his face."Lily, hey! Sorry for just stopping bye without any notice, at this hour, I just needed to discuss something with you."

William then noticed the candles and bites set up in the living room. "Oh… I see I'm interrupting something."

Lily smiled sweetly. "Yes, you kind of are… What is it you want to talk about?"

He scratched his head and sighed. "Yeah, maybe this isn't the best timing if you're getting a visitor."

Lily suddenly got a bit worried; William seemed slightly distracted and, well, odd… Nothing like he usually was. "It's okay, Will. You… You can sit, if you want to. What's wrong?"

She motioned for him to go sit on the couch, which he did. Lily sat down on the other side of the couch, a frown formed on her face as she again said: "What's wrong?"

"I eh… Your mother came to see me in my hotel today."

"Hmm…"

"She told me she wanted to have dinner with me, and you, and that you had declined. I eh, I think she wants us to reconcile in some sort of way." He let out a sigh. "I'm sorry if it made you feel uncomfortable, Lily. I told your mother I wanted us to be a family again, but I think she might have misconcepted my version of family…"

Lily looked at her ex-husband, who genuinly seemed a bit upset while uttering those words. She suddenly felt bad for behaving towards him the way she had; maybe he deserved another chance. Lily put her hand on his, a reassuring smile on her face as she said: "You know what, I think we'll do that dinner after all. I guess we just have to show my mother we'll all blend together perfectly fine."

William smiled. "I think that would be perfect. But are you sure that will be a good idea?" He put his other hand on top of hers while Lily shrugged. "I think it will be fine, Will. We'll just have to show my mother this is what it's going to be from now on." Lily smiled at him. William was about to speak up when the elevator beeped once again.

Rufus made sure not to yell out loud when walking into Lily's loft, knowing there was a chance one of the kids or both of them were asleep. He was surprised to find Lily on the couch with another man, a bit too close for his liking.

"Lil, hey!"

Lily's genuine smile though made him feel a little less upset though; there was probably nothing going on anyway. "Rufus!" She got up immediately to walk over to him. She threw her arms around him and kissed him. "Hey. Sorry, I didn't have any time to change.."

Rufus chuckled. "You can be silly sometimes. You look perfect." He was about to give her another kiss when the man on the couch turned around and held up his hand in some sort of hello. "Rufus, hi, good to see you again!" William got up as well, a small grin on his face as he walked over to shake Rufus' hand

Lily could immediately tell Rufus wasn't too excited to see William, but he politely shook his hands as well. "Will, hello."

"I was just about to leave. Thanks, Lily, I appreciate it a lot." William kissed Lily's cheek –to both Lily and Rufus' surprise,- before saying: "I'll see you both tomorrow then. Good night!"

He took off then, leaving Rufus behind with a frown as he turned to Lily. "Tomorrow?"

Lily sighed before throwing her arms around his waist. "Hmm yes, we need to talk about that. But first…" She stopped talking and moved her lips to his again, desperate for a little more contact with the man she loved.

William witnessed Lily leaning in to kiss Rufus; the elevator doors took quite some time to close up. He kept a smile plastered on his face, though he really wanted to roll his eyes and sigh. This had gone well. He knew it would've been easy to convince Lily her mother was being the bad guy again. This would be the best opportunity for them to grow closer again. William knew there was Rufus to deal with, but he was quite sure he'd be able to win Lily over again in no time.

 ** _19th of April, 1995_**

Rufus tried to look slightly excited about the dinner he and Lily were about to attend. He held her hand as they made their wya over to the door of CeCe's home. It was funny how he still recognized the place from all those years ago. He stopped walking when he noticed Lily halted. Rufus turned to face her and looked right into her eyes. She squeezed his hand lightly. "It will be fine, Rufus. You're with me, don't worry. I know she can be… Scary. But it'll be fine. And you look totally handsome by the way." She kissed his lips lightly and Rufus couldn't help but smile.

"So do you, beautiful." He admired the purple dress she was wearing once more before continuing their walk to the door. Rufus did feel uncomfortable having dinner with CeCe and William. He hadn't really seen CeCe ever since he and Lily got back together and cleared the air between them. Knowing CeCe had been the reason all those years ago for Lily to leave him had actually made him so angry. Rufus knew tonight wasn't the time or place to get all worked up over that though. It didn't make it any less uncomfortable to spend a night with the woman though.

Both Lily and Rufus were surprised to find both William and CeCe in the opening, all dressed up as expected, smiles plastered on their faces.

"Hello darling, so good you did decide to join us after all!" CeCe kissed her daughter's cheek while Rufus and William shook hands.

Lily felt her nerves building up a little more; how was CeCe going to respond to Rufus? When her mother let go of her, she politely kissed William's cheek. She was surprised to hear her mother behind her.

"And Rufus, it's been a long time!" CeCe kissed Rufus' cheeks. Lily was relieved, knowing Rufus always had a boyish charm over him that made it easy to hide his nerves or doubts. Well, she could always tell obviously. "CeCe, hello. Thanks voor the invitation."

"Of course, Rufus, of course." She patted his shoulder before letting all four of them inside, ready for their dinner to start. Rufus and Lily held hands as they followed CeCe. Lily took a look at her left, finding Rufus to be a tad more relaxed and smiled. She winked when their eyes met.

They were having their dessert –a creme brulee- almost three hours later, and Lily had been surprised as to how well their dinner had been thusfar. CeCe had been acting all good and friendly, even asking Rufus about his music and his kids. Lily wasn't sure what had gotten into her mother, but had decided halfway through the evening to just enjoy it. Her mother being all nice and friendly wasn't something that occured very often, so she figured she'd enjoy it to the fullest.

That was pretty much the reason why Lily almost chocked in her sip of wine when she heard her mother say: "So, are there any plans for the two of you to have another child as well?"

Rufus frowned as Lily tried to get herself composed again. "Ehm, mother…. Do you think it's appropriate to discuss this now?"

"Well darling, of course. Don't you think it would be lovely for the two of you to have another child of your own, of the two of you together?"

Rufus smiled before saying: "We haven't really discussed that yet, CeCe. But I think we're good for now." He put his hand on Lily's, knowing the question had caught her off-guard. Lily nodded in agreement.

CeCe held her head up high, apparently not too keen on their reply, before saying: "Just keep your age in mind, darling."

Lily sighed. "Mother, I'm 25. I think it will be fine."

"But you know a pregnancy is quite heavy on your body, dear. Especially when it's the fourth."

Lily turned pale when her mother had uttered those words. She could tell her mother had done that on purpose; the smug look on her face said it all. Rufus didn't seem to notice the underlying tension though as he said: "Don't get too excited CeCe, third you mean."

CeCe shook her head. "I most definitley mean fourth." The room turned completely silent in an instant. William was looking at his plate; he wasn't sure what was happening right now but most definitely didn't feel like mingling. This wasn't part of his plan.

Rufus felt his heart drop when he turned to Lily, who suddenly seemed to be a ghost. "Lil?" Lily bit her lip before standing up abruptly, her chair falling in the process. She didn't look back as she made her way out of the house; she needed air.

"Just ask her, dear. There are more secrets my daughter is keeping from you then you could have ever imagined." The look of triumph on her face wasn't unnoticed bye Rufus, who simply shook his head as he said: "I don't know what you're trying to do here CeCe, but I hope you realize these kind of actions will eventually cause you to lose your daughter, not me."

He was about to get up when CeCe said: "Rufus. I'm just trying to help her. To help both of you. Secrets in a relationship will only do you wrong. Especially secrets as big as these."

Rufus shook his head. This revelation about Lily apparently having been pregnant some other time apart from Serena or Eric obviously startled him. He wasn't going to let CeCe know that though. "You can never know everything about a person. Especially things that happened when you weren't part of a persons life."

CeCe pressed her lips together before murmuring: "Perhaps that's where you're thinking wrong, darling."

* * *

Rufus found Lily five minutes later in the front steps of the house, sitting as she was staring into space.

"Lil?"

He wasn't surprised to find her eyes wet and her usual so perfect complexion stained with red spots; she had obviously been crying. He sat down next to her as he took her hand in his. Rufus was surprised to find her flinching the moment their hands met. "Hey…" He tilted her chin so she was facing him. "It's okay, honey. I'm… I'm not angry, or upset with you, if that's what you're afraid of."

Lily bit her lip. "You should be though."

"Hey, don't be silly. Yes, I'd rather had you telling me about this. But it's your choice, your…"

Lily interrupted him as she said: "Please don't be so kind, don't be so forgiving… You don't know the entire story."

Rufus frowned, caressing her hand with his thumb as he said: "Then tell me."

Tears started streaming down Lily's face again as she softly whispered: "You'll hate me after I tell you this though."

"I could never hate you, Lil. Never."

Lily shook her head as she bit her lip, trying to stop the tears that were rapidly falling down her face. "This is probably the only thing you actually could hate me for."

 ** _Note: How mean of me to end things here... Hope to have the next chapter up around the weekend. Hope you liked it, XO._**


	21. Memoirs of a Mother

_Note: Hi guys! I feel like I'm so often updating on Sunday's haha, I wanted to make this note about how awesome this Sunday felt, sun shining while drinking coffee on my balcony kind of stuff, blablabla, then realized I've done that before as well.. So.. Well. Let's just get started immediately. This one was quite hard to write, so I hope it won't disappoint. Enjoy XO._

 **Chapter 20: Memoirs of a Mother**

 ** _25th of July, 1988_**

 _Two stripes meant pregnant. One stripe meant not-pregnant. Lily was eagerly waiting for the minutes to be up and the result to show. Her heart was beating in her throat. This was not good. This was not good at all. When she had missed her period a month ago, she had figured it had been stress. Stress of breaking up with Rufus, of missing Rufus, of having her mom around her all the freakin' time… When her period wasn't showing again this month, Lily had started to get worried. Was she pregnant? She couldn't be, could she?_

The memories of her and Rufus kissing and making love for the last time flashed through her mind. They cut through her like a knife. God, she missed him so much. Maybe this was a sign…. A sign that she should contact Rufus again, tell him everything and, most important, tell him how much she loved him.

 _Lily knew it was time; the pregnancy test would now show whether she was being pregnant or not. She took a deep breath as she closed her eyes before whispering: "Please don't be pregnant. Please don't be pregnant."_

 _She stared at the test in her hands. This couldn't be true. Her hands started to tremble and the test dropped on the floor. "Fuck…"_

 _Lily felt as if she was being kept in a chokehold. She needed air. She rushed out of the bathroom, gasping for air. She was pregnant. She was actually expecting a baby. Her and Rufus were expecting a baby._

 ** _19th – 20th of April, 1995_**

"I don't want to discuss this here, Rufus."

"Well, you started this, Lil." Rufus grabbed her hand as Lily was trying to make her way over to the car.

"Rufus, please." Her eyes begged him to come with her instead of have a discussion on her mother's property. "I don't want to do this with my mother so close. This is something I want to do in private."

Rufus sighed as he looked at Lily, who still looked like a ghost. All sorts of thoughts were going through his mind. Had she been pregnant when she was young and had an abortion? Had she miscarriaged while they had been together and not ever told him about it? "Okay… We'll get a cab, Lil."

Lily nodded before making her way over to the steets, eager to find them a cab. Her nerves were killing her. She knew a ride to her place would take them only about ten minutes if traffic would be in her favor. Ten minutes in which she had to decide how to break the news to Rufus. This wasn't supposed to happen. This was never supposed to happen. Lily hailed a cab immediately once she had reached the side of the road, which luckily stopped immediately.

Rufus got in behind her, not sure what to do, or what to say. Lily seemed nervous and frightenend, and he had to admit it scared him a little bit.

Lily was silent the entire ride, looking out of the window. Rufus had grabbed her hand when they got in, not letting go. Lily was thankful for that; perhaps it would be the last time he would be this affectionate. She stared into space during their ride. Why had she messed this up so bad?

The ride in the cab seemed to last forever, and Rufus was relieved when they had reached Lily's loft.

"You eh… You want a drink?"

Lily shook her head. "No… I'm okay." She dropped herself on the couch while throwing off her heels. This was it. She had to tell him everything. There was no going back anymore. Lying to him crossed her mind briefly; she knew it would eventually make things even worse though. Rufus hated lying. She bit her lip as she whispered: "Come sit, please."

Rufus sat down next to her, a beer in his hands. He wasn't sure what to do, what to say or what to expect. He just… Waited.

"I eh…. I just…" Lily shook her head. She was afraid to even look into Rufus' eyes. He would be so dissapointed. So hurt. She could only hope he would understand slightly.

She took his hands in his, finally daring to look at him as she said: "I… I just need you to know that I never wanted this to be this way… If I could turn back time I would've done it all differently."

Rufus shook his head, not completely understanding. "I… I'm not sure I'm following, Lil."

"Just… Just promise you'll let me finish before saying something, okay?"

Rufus nodded. "Okay…"

Lily took a deep breath. "When eh… After I broke up with you, I eh… I noticed I wasn't getting my period. At first I thought it was the stress, everything that was going on… I, I figured it was nothing. When I missed my period a second time though I figured I had to do a test… Just in case. I… I bought a test, and, well, I… I remember waiting, sitting in my bathroom in my mother's house, wondering what the hell was happening. I… I thought it was a sign, a warning…. A sign that I had made the biggest mistake of my life when I had left you, that it was a sign telling me I needed you in my life."

Lily shook her head, biting her lip to hold back tears once again. She was still holding Rufus' hands in hers as she continued. "That test was positive. I…. I completely freaked. I was upset, and I… I needed you. I wanted to call you, tell you about it… My mother got to me though. She found out immediately, I should've hidden that test… She… She went insane. Getting a baby would ruin my life, I was absolutely not allowed to keep that baby… I was scared, Rufus… I…. I didn't know what to do. My mother… She convinced me you would never give up your life for me and my baby, not after I had left you the way I had. I…. I couldn't get myself to get an abortion. I didn't want that to happen, I just couldn't take a baby's life just because my life was so screwed up… My mother, she sent me to Paris. I was there during that pregnancy. I gave birth, on my own, in Paris… My mother arranged for the baby to be adopted, I was barely able to spend time with him after he was born... And then I got back to New York, as if nothing had happened. My mother never said a word about it again. Never."

The tears she had desperately been trying to hold back had started flowing halfway through anyway. Hearing herself say it all out loud made it sound even worse… God, she felt horrible. She was such a terrible person.

Rufus' eyes were filled with confusion and shock. "You… Wait… You mean… You and I… We have a child? There…. There was a baby? A baby boy?"

Tears were streaming down her face as she whispered: "I am so sorry, Rufus… I'm sorry."

Rufus untangled his hands from hers as he got up of the couch, walking back and forth through the loft in silence as Lily was looking at him, waiting for him to speak. He didn't though.

"Rufus… Say something, please."

The hurt and pain Lily saw in Rufus' eyes when he turned himself again to face her was something she had never seen before. "Rufus…"

"I… I think I need some air."

"Rufus, please don't go…" Lily flew up of the couch and grabbed his hand.

"Lil… Please. This is… This is a lot. Please let me go."

Lily let go of Rufus' hand and watched him go. He didn't look at her as he stepped into the elevator. The moment the elevator doors closed, Lily broke down. She couldn't stop her tears anymore as she started sobbing uncontrolably. This was it. She and Rufus had just found each other again. And now she was afraid she had lost him forever. 

* * *

The April breeze outside was soft, yet Rufus felt shivers running down his spine. There was another child of him. Somewhere out there was another Humphrey guy living his life, someone carrying his blood, his DNA… How had Lily not ever told him about this? The thought of Lily being on her own throughout the entire pregnancy and birth of their child made him cringe. She shouln't have done that all alone; he would've helpen her. God, he would've done everything for her and the child if she had told him.

Rufus hit a stone on the ground with his foot, sending it flying into space. He couldn't stop his mind from thinking about a hundred things at once. Why had Lily never told him about this? What was it that had made her so afraid to tell him? Why had she not told him after they had gotten back together again? Why had she made the decisions all on her own? It had been their child, not just her child.

His emotions were going through the roof right now. He felt angry, he felt hurt, he felt sad, he felt sorry for Lily… "Fuck!" Rufus yelled. He yelled out loud, knowing there was absolutely no one near him in the streets. What the hell was he supposed to do now?

 ** _25th of July, 1988_**

 _"I can't believe you were trying to hide this from me, Lilian."_

 _"Oh come on, mother, I found out myself this morning. You really think I would just leave that test in the bathroom? That's fucking stupid."_

 _"Watch your mouth, young lady!" Her mother pointed her perfect manicured finger at her, the rage and annoyance written all over her face._

 _Lily rolled her eyes. This had been so dumb. After the shock of finding out she was pregnant, she had ran. She had needed the fresh, New York summer air. She had felt as if she couldn't breath._

 _How stupid for her to have just left the test laying around in the bathroom. Of course her mother had found it. After receiving a ten minute speech on how completely irresposible it was to have sex without protection, her mother had now been somewhat calmed down. Well, just a very little somewhat perhaps._

 _"Lily, darling…. This isn't good. You… You're expecting a child."_

 _Lily sighed as she looked at her feet. "I know… I…. I think I should find Rufus. He needs to know about this too."_

 _"Definitely not." CeCe's stern words caused Lily to look up at her in confusion. "What do you mean, definitely not?"_

 _"Darling, he's a musician. You really think he will take care of you and the baby? How many girls do you think have already slept in his bed after you've left? He's going for his career, not for a pregnant girl he once dated for a while."_

 _"You don't know him, mother, he would never, never let me take care of a baby on my own. He loved me."_

 _"Exactly, loved. Do you really think he'll be excited to find out he's expecting a baby with a girl that broke his heart?" The look of triumph on her mother's face probably hurt even more than all the other comments she had ever made._

 _Maybe her mother was right. She had hurt Rufus so badly; why would he even care? Why would he even want a baby with a girl that had chosen money over love?_

 ** _20th of April, 1995_**

Lily felt empty; her tears had stopped falling and her mind had stopped spinning. She just felt numb. Rufus had left her loft about two hours ago, as it was now marking to be around two in the night. Lily had hoped he would come back to her. He hadn't though, for wich she obviously couldn't blame him. God, she had messed things up.

She figured it was time to get out of her purple dress; it was clinging onto her like skin and she was getting annoyed with it. Fuck the dress. Fuck the Louboutins that had been gracing her feet. Fuck the expensive necklace she had been wearing. All the money, all the luxury…. It was fabolous, it was fantastic… But she'd rather have Rufus.

Reaching her bedroom seemed to take an etirenity, despite being less then a minute. She grumbled; reaching her zipper was so annoying. After fumbling around for far too long, the dress had finally gone off. She switched the purple silk for a pair of soft black leggings and an oversized white t-shirt. At least the clothes now were comfortable. She threw her hair up in a ponytail before making her way back to the living room. Lily knew she probably needed some sleep, but she also knew she simply couldn't. She stopped when she reached her clothing room. She knew what she'd kept there.

Her instinct brought her to that room, searching for that familiar black box she knew was somewhere in the back. She grabbed it when she had found it, taking it with her while making her way back to the warmth of the couch. The floor felt cold beneath her bare feet, but she really didn't care. She didn't really care about a lot right now anyway. This hadn't supposed to happen.

Her heart almost stopped beating when she noticed the dark-haired figure in her livingroom. Was this for real?

"Rufus…"

He turned around at the sound of his name, noticing how terrible Lily looked. She was still beautiful, of course she was. She just looked… Broken. Rufus looked at her, clinging on to a little black box before he said: "Lil…."

Lily made his way over to him. "God, I…. I'm so happy you came back… Can we talk, please?" She noticed him flinching when she touched his arm. Maybe she had been a little to excited with his return.

"Lily, I…" Ouch. Lily. It had been a while since he had actually called her 'Lily' instead of 'Lil'. "I… I got back here because… I don't know actually. I… I feel so many things right now, so much hurt, so much anger, so much… I… I literally can't even describe what I feel right now."

Lily just nodded, not sure what to do or what to say. She stayed put, glued to her spot close to Rufus. She just waited.

"And I…" Rufus took a breath before he said: "I hate how you apparently thought I would let you take care of your baby alone because I had my music…"

He was so hurt. Lily could obviously tell and it broke her heart. She was the blame for this. She and only she. Lily was surprised when he cupped her cheeks, looking at her with this intense mixture of emotions as he said: "I would've helped you, Lil. I would've done everything for you and that baby."

Lily's stream of tears seemed to get going again. Her eyes got wet; she knew he would've. She freakin' knew. She bit her lip, wanting to say a million things. No words came out of her mouth though.

Rufus dropped his hands, Lily immediately missing his touch. He wasn't sure what to do. Yes, he loved Lily. He loved her deeply. But this… This huge secret had been there for years. How was he able to trust her? He shook his head before saying: "I eh… I'm going to go home. I need some time to think."

"I understand." Her voice sounded strangled and small, and in all honesty, all Rufus wanted to do was hold her and tell her everything would be alright. If only he knew if that was going to be the case.

He made his way back to the elevator when he heard her call out his name. Rufus turned around again, seeing Lily approach him. "I'm sorry, Rufus."

"I know."

They looked at each other for a while, not sure of what to do. Both were aching for physical contact, yet both knew it wasn't the time. Rufus was surprised when Lily handed him the little black box she'd been holding. A puzzled look was on his face when he looked at her. She bit her lip.

"You eh… You should open this, when you're ready for it… It's not much. But it's something."

Rufus knew she was referring to their baby. He just nodded, accepting the box, not sure what to say. Their fingers brushed when the box was handed over, causing them both to quickly step back immediately. Lily shook her head before whispering: "I want to fix this, Rufus…"

"I know." He wanted to tell her it would be fixed. He wanted to tell her things would be okay eventually. He just couldn't. He stepped into the elevator, making sure not to look at the devestated woman he was leaving behind.

 ** _21st of April, 1995_**

Rufus was eyeing the little black box on his kitchen counter once again. The little box had been burning wherever he had been putting it. Rufus had wanted to open it the moment Lily had given it to him, but somehow it felt as if it was Pandora's box. What would happen if he opened it? It would all become real. It already was real. It would just become… Even more real. He sighed. Maybe he shouldn't do this on his own.

He made his way over to the phone, dialing a very familiar number. "Hey….. It's me…. Can you come to my place? …. Yes, I'll be home."

She had never been there faster; his doorbell rang in less than thirty minutes. He could tell she had barely been sleeping when she walked in. She still looked good though. She always did.

"Lil, hey…"

"Hey…" She pressed her lips into a small smile, not knowing if she should kiss him or just stand.

Rufus scratched his head, deciding to come straight to the point. "Okay, listen, I eh… I…. That little box, you gave me, I…." He shrugged. "I can't open it on my own. I want to do that with you."

"Oh…" Lily looked at Rufus, who seemed so uncomfortable and so… Torn. It felt good that he wanted to do something with her though. Apparently, he wasn't completely done with her yet. A small smile formed on her lips, an actual one, as she said: "I eh…. I would like that."

Rufus nodded before making his way over the to kitchen counter, grabbing the little box before sitting on his couch. Lily threw off her coat before joining him. Rufus stared at the box for a second; why was this so hard?

He didn't flinch when Lily's hand touched his. She squeezed it before whispering: "It's not that much in there. Just… Just open it. It'll be a relief."

He didn't reply as he slowly lifted the lit of the box, losing Lily's warmth in the process. The first thing he saw already took his breath away. It was a poloraid picture of Lily and their baby. Lily looked exhausted. No smile on her face, it was all saddness and pain. He could tell immediately. God, she looked so pretty. And alone. Tears were welling up in his eyes. Why had she done this the way she had?

Rufus bit his lip before daring to look into Lily's eyes, which were wet as well. "Lil… Jesus, Lil… Why did you do this? You… You could've done that with me there. Not on your own. Not on your fucking own. I would've hold your hand, caress your skin… I would've done every fucking thing for you and our baby." 

* * *

Serena and Eric were playing in the living room while Lily was trying to gather all their things. Maybe a good afternoon stroll with her kids would help her take her mind off of things temporarily. Lily knew she couldn't drag them into her misery, but she had to admit it was tough. Smiling, doing their thing, when inside, all she felt was remorse and pain.

The elevator beeps interrupted her thinking. She was surprised to find William there, though not completely in the mood to talk with the guy.

"Daddy!" Serena jumped up as she made her way to her father.

"Hey princess!" William hugged his daughter, who was now up in his arms. Eric held out his arms as well, wanting to be lifted up as well. Lily couldn't help but smile as she grabbed him, picking him up so he could be on the same level as his sister.

Their little family encounter did make Lily smile; at least her kids were happy. "Lily, hi."

She acknowledged William with a little nod and smile as she put Eric back on the ground again, Serena following soon as well. While the kids continued playing again, Lily made her way to the kitchen, William following her directly.

"Lily, I eh… I'm sorry about what happened during dinner. I eh… I didn't see all that coming."

Lily nodded. "I know."

"Hey.." William tilted her chin up to make sure she was looking into his eyes. "I'm not sure what happened in there… I know it must be tough on you though. I just wanted to make sure you're holding up… If there is any way I can help…"

Lily shook her head, breaking the contact his hand had with her chin. "I don't feel like talking about it..… But thanks, for coming over." She smiled at him. It was kind of him to check on her. "I was just about to take the kids out for a walk."

"Mind if I join?"

William looked excited, and though Lily really wasn't that interested in having him as her company, she knew the kids would be thrilled. "I'm sure the kids will love that."

William looked briefly at his ex-wife, trying to get a hold of her eyes. He couldn't, though. He lightly touched her shoulder, briefly squeezing it before saying: "You'll be alright, Lily. Come, I'll go get the kids ready."

They were walking in the park less than thirty minutes later, and as expected, the kids were overly excited to have their mother and their father walking with them. Lily smiled as she watched William playing airplane with Serena; she was giggling with laughter up on the shoulders of her father. Yes, this was a good distraction. At least sort of.

Lily was so occupied with watching her ex-husband and children having fun, she didn't noticed a very familiar figure standing nearby. Rufus had seen her immediately though. He knew he was getting jealous; why was Lily with William? And why was she… Smiling? He knew that was mean of him; he couldn't see her eyes, as they were hidden with a pair of sunglasses, and those eyes would probably tell him she was as broken as he was. The hint of jealousy didn't fade though. Rufus didn't like William. Not even a little bit.


	22. Tunnel of Love

_Note: Hi beauties! Thanks again for reading, I so very much appreciate you guys reading! I know updates aren't coming as fast as you have probably gotten used in the last couple of weeks, but I've started a new job which is –as usual when,- quite time consuming! I'm still trying my best though, so hopefully you guys aren't dying too much for new chapters, haha ;)_

 _Oh, and, just a little self-promotion here… I've been re-watching The OC for, like, the millionth time, and oohh how I've missed that show and those characters, and especially Sandy and Kirsten! So, I don't know if you guys are familiar with The OC, but… My brain started toying with the idea of Kirsten and Lily having been friends in their youth since, well… I just really picture them being friends, haha. My writer's heart got all excited and decided to start writing on a story with Kirsten, Lily, Rufus and Sandy! If interested, please give it a try! It's called_ _ **Our Glory Days** , I'll link it right here;_

s/11840665/1/Our-Glory-Days

 _So, that's it for me promoting myself, haha! New chapterrrr, please enjoy, I hope it'll live up to the expectations! And, ha, since I felt like it, I put a little quote above this chapter, something I thought suited Rufus' feelings towards Lily right now. God, I honestly see so many quotes I consider to be suitable for them, honestly wish I would've thought of that sooner, would've been a nice touch to all chapters. Okay, enough with all this rambling, sorry! Please enjoy! XO._

 **Chapter 21: Tunnel of Love**

 _She was the prettiest  
Hell I have ever been in;  
I didn't mind burning  
at all. / Matt Baker_

 ** _23th of April, 1995_**

Rufus woke up, briefly not thinking about Lily's secret. All he could think of was how he missed a small frame next to his that he had gotten so used to waking up next to every morning over the last couple of months. He stretched and yawned, slowly realizing why the pretty blonde and he weren't sharing a bed at the moment. He knew he had to talk to her some day soon. Perhaps today had to be the day; Dan and Jenny would be home again that afternoon. Alison would bring them back around four. Rufus sighed; he hated waking up with his head filled like this.

He slowly took his shower, dressed himself, made himself waffles and cleaned up the kitchen. He noticed it was only 10 in the morning after finishing. Rufus knew he really didn't have an excuse not to go see Lily. He shook his head, remembering what his life had become. It had been months since he had performed with Lincoln Hawk. They really had quit while being on top, and Rufus knew he had been the one to blame. He had wanted to be there for his children. He had never regretted that decision though. But perhaps it was time to find himself something else to focus on as well. First, he had to focus on Lily though.

Dialing her number had never seemed harder. Rufus knew he had to see her though. He hadn't contacted her after he'd stormed off two days before after opening the little black box containing everything Lily owned of their son. It had been so hard, seeing the picture of Lily holding their son. There had been so many questions running through his head, so many thoughts stuck in his head… He hadn't been able to hold a normal conversation with her. Hopefully he would be able to do so today.

"Lily Rhodes."

"Lil… Hey, it's me."

"Rufus." He could hear her gulp on the other end of the line. God, he knew she was hurting too. It broke his heart knowing that. He scraped his throat before saying: "I eh…. Do you have time today, to talk? Dan and Jenny are coming home today, I think we should eh… Discuss, the last couple of days before they're around again."

"Yes… Okay, I was just about to go get some coffee, but I'll be home after."

"No problem, it will take me about thirty minutes to get to you anyway. I'll see you in a bit."

"Okay."

Rufus felt odd, wanting to hang up on Lily without saying he loved her. He always told her he loved her at the end of every conversation. Lily seemed to have a similar issue; she still hadn't hung up on him either. He could hear her breathing on the other end of the line. He was about to speak up when he heard her speak up, though it seemed to be barely above a whisper: "I've been missing you, Rufus."

He bit his lip before saying: "I've missed you too." He didn't dare waiting for her response as he quickly put the phone back on its hook. Of course he had missed her. He sighed as he gathered his stuff. Meeting up with Lily was one thing. Knowing what to tell her was another. 

* * *

"Hey…"

Lily had been so caught up in whatever stupid tv show she'd been watching that the elevator beeps had totally gone unnoticed by her. Rufus voice startled her; she turned around and got up hastly. Rufus noticed her bare face, not a trace of make-up there. Still beautiful.

"Rufus… Hello." Lily was glued to her spot, not sure how to act. She wanted to touch him. She just wasn't sure if he'd want her to. They stared at each other for a bit; Rufus looked… Okay. Still handsome. Still wearing his leather jacket that she adored. Handsome, but hurt. Lily could tell he hadn't been sleeping that much.

He pointed to the couch as he slowly said: "It's okay, you can sit…"

"You want some coffee?"

Rufus shook his head. "I'm good." He took off his leather jacket as Lily slowly fell back on the couch again, Rufus following her afterwards. Lily was relieved to find him next to her on the couch; not too close, but not too far away either.

"So, Dan and Jenny will be back this afternoon?" Rufus nodded. "Yeah, Alison will bring them home later today. I've missed them." He ran a hand through his hair. He knew Lily was trying to make small talk in hopes of everything being seemingly normal.

"Lil…" Her eyes were desperatley trying to connect with his, and the moment he allowed himself to look straight into hers, he felt his heart drop. "Rufus….. I… I'm sorry." It wasn't louder than a whisper, but Rufus heard it perfectly fine. She had told him how sorry she was. He knew how sorry she was, he didn't doubt that at all. He instinctively reached for her hand, caressing it with his thumb before he murmured: "I know you're sorry, Lil, I… I understand… And I believe you."

He took a breath, still caressing her hand with his thumb as he said: "If I just consider myself, and my own feelings... I just don't understand why you kept this a secret from me, back in the day and even now. But I do see… Or at least, can somehow imagine why you had such a difficult time dealing with this and why you decided to do what you have done. I just… I just wish you told me sooner about all of it." Rufus squeezed her hand lightly after saying those last words. A small, sad smile appeared on Lily's face as she said: "I know… If I could only turn back time…"

Their eyes locked again as Rufus said: "Is ehm… Is that black box all you have of our son?"

Lily nodded, looking down to their hands as she softly said: "It's all. I eh.. Well, my mother, actually, choose for a closed adoption. I don't know anything about him, or his life, or his parents…"

"Is there a way for us to find him?"

Lily shrugged. "Rufus…. It was a closed adoption… I signed papers, I… I'm not supposed to ever go find him."

"Don't you want to see him?" Rufus wasn't sure what to think. It was their child, their son… A child, made out of love… Their love. Wasn't she at least curious as to what had happened to him in the past, what was going on in his life now?

"I… Rufus…. I gave him up. Why would he even want to see me? I mean, he wouldn't understand that now, he's far too young fort hat. But we…. We would mess up his life completely, I don't think that's fair."

"Oh, and it is fair for you to have just given him up without letting me even know I would become a father?" Rufus was getting upset again, letting go of her hand in the process.

"Rufus, please…" Lily shook her head, her eyes getting wet. Of course it hadn't been fair. Nothing about the entire situation had been fair. "I wish I had done it all different." She reached out for him again, desperately wanting to feel him closer to her. A small joilt of happiness went through her body when Rufus didn't flinch.

"I know, Lil… It's just.. It's such a big thing to have kept a secret. Can you imagine how that makes me feel? Not only to know I have a son with you, but to know.. To know that you're able to hide something that huge from me?" Rufus bit his lip, trying to be strong and not shed any tears. He had done plenty. Seeing Lily breakdown right in front of him made it so difficult though. The tears were slowly falling down her cheeks as she said: "I can't imagine, but I'm trying… I…. I never meant to keep it from you… I, when my mother and I made that decision… I thought it was for the best, I thought I'd never see you again. But… But then we did." Lily sniffed loudly as she tried wiping the tears away with the sleeve of her sweater; she wasn't exactly succeeding though.

"When we did meet again, realizing we were both still in love… I… I just thought it was for the best not to tell you. I knew it was going to hurt you. It was still hurting me… And believe me when I say I've been torn so often, desperately wanting to tell you about it… I…. I just thought it would've been even worse. Knowing what I had done, knowing we had a son together that you would never be able to see."

Lily bit her lip, her dark eyes staring into his before she whispered: "I did it because I love you."

Seeing her in front of him, all fragile and in pain, made it even worse to make decision. Rufus wasn't even sure what decision he hade to make right now. He loved Lily. He slowly moved closer to her, cupping her cheeks as he tried to wipe at least a small amount of her tears away. "I love you too, Lil… And I…. I get it, in a way. But this is quite something. There's a child… We had a child. I can't just forget about that. You lied to me about something so important."

Lily bit her lip. "I know… Rufus, I wish it would've been different, that I had done it different. I want to fix this… I want to fix us…." Her eyes were as pleading as her voice was. Rufus knew he was going to break her heart. He knew he probably was going to break his own heart as well. He felt his eyes water as he quietly said: "I don't know if we can, Lil."

Her tears started falling faster as Lily started shaking her head. "No, Rufus… No." This was what she had been afraid of ever since they had reconciled again.

Rufus dropped his hands again as he whispered: "I want to try, Lil… But I think I need some space for a while. There's a child out there, Lil… A child that's half you and half me. I… I have such a difficult time dealing with this. Our child, that is never going to be ours…"

Lily could only shake her head, her voice filled with everything she was now feeling. "Don't you think I've been thinking about that every day ever since he was born? I love you, Rufus… I… I don't want to beg you to love me."

A sad smile appeared on Rufus' face as he said: "It's never been about loving you, Lily. I've always loved you. Just… You have to give me some time to think about this. To… I don't know, try and accept the situation the way it is."

Lily nodded, trying to get rid of her tears once again with the sleeves of her sweater. She was so happy Eric and Serena weren't home to witness her like this. "Okay. I… I'm not giving up on you, Rufus, I'm not giving up on us. I know what I have done was a terrible mistake… I regret it everyday."

"I know…."

Rufus slowly got off of the couch. Lily jumped up immediately as well. "What… What do you want now?"

Rufus looked at Lily; her eyes were full of questions, full of hurt… He shrugged. He didn't know what he want. Part of him wanted to be with Lily and kiss and cuddle her all day long. The other part of him just wanted to get out, get some fresh air…. "I'm not sure… I… Maybe I should call you if… If.. If things are better?" He could tell this wasn't what she'd been hoping for. Lily nevertheless nodded.

"Okay… Okay."

Rufus took a last look at her before turning away from her, planning on making his way back to the elevator, back to his Brooklyn loft where Dan and Jenny would be playing and chatting again in a few hours. Halfway he turned around though; he couldn't leave like this. He noticed Lily, still standing, her arms wrapped around herself as she was just staring at him. Rufus rushed back to her, cupping her cheeks once again before he whispered: "I don't hate you, Lil. I could never."

Lily chew her lip, unsure of what to say. The moment she felt his hands drop again made her want to cry again. She was surprised when she felt his arms wrap around her instead, gently pushing her head on his chest as he kissed her hair. Lily enjoyed the closeness. His scent, his hands touching her. Neither said a word. The proximity of the other simply felt comforting, though both were so aware of the fact that things would never really be the same again. 

* * *

"Dad!" Dan was excited to see his father, giving his father a big hug as he walked into the loft. The cartoons on the television were even more exciting though, as his attention quickly turned to that. Jenny had been sleepy, lying in her mother's arms as they'd gotten into the loft. Alison had put her in her bed, leaving her and Rufus together.

Rufus smiled. "So… How was it?"

Alison smiled back. "It was good… I'd missed them. It was nice, having them around all the time." Rufus nodded. "I know… And eh… How have you been?" Rufus wanted his and Alison's relationship to be good. He could tell she was still apprehensive about him, still hurt as well. But they seemed to be able to have a normal conversation again, finally. Alison nodded before saying: "I've been good. I eh… I've been painting a lot, actually, been giving lots of dance classes, yoga as well… It's all good. Things seem to fall into place."

"That's good… I'm happy for you."

"Me too."

Alison eyed her ex-husband for a bit before she said: "And how are you… You look like you've been lacking sleep." She looked at him, her eyebrow raised. Rufus couldn't help but smile; this was so typically Alison. She could always tell when things were a bit off. He ruffled his hair as he said: "Yeah, me and Lily have some eh… Issues."

"Oh." Alison didn't even hide her small smile, though Rufus could tell she really didn't mean to be rude. She bit her lip as she said: "Ah… Trouble in paradise?" She leant against the kitchen counter, a questionable look on her face.

"I eh…. I kind of found out that apparently, there is a kid out there sharing mine and Lily's DNA."

Alison eyes almost dropped out of her head as she almost yelled: "What?!"

Dan immediately looked up from the couch, making Alison scratch her head. "Sorry honey, nothing's wrong!" Dan seemed satisfied with that answer though as he looked back to his cartoons again. The shock on Alison's eyes was still visible when she turned back to Rufus. "What do you mean? You guys have a child," she hissed.

"Apparently… It's a bit… Complicated."

"Well, why didn't she ever tell you? God, why is she so selfish?"

"Al…" He gave his ex-wife a stern look. He didn't want her to judge Lily, at least not in this fragile situation. "It's… It's not as easy as it looks. There was a lot… A lot, going on. She's upset about it herself as well."

"She should be. So now what?" Alison's rage had slowly been replaced by concern. Rufus shrugged. "We eh… We don't know. There's a lot we have to figure out." Out of habit, Alison reached for his hand. His warmth felt so familiar and in fact quite good as she said: "I'm sorry, Rufus… I'm here, if there's any way I can help, or of if you'd ever want to talk."

He squeezed her hand, appreciating her words a lot. "That's sweet Al, thank you. Though I shouldn't bother you too much with it." He let go of her hand, and Alison had to admit she did miss it immediately. She shrugged before saying: "Oh well.. We're still family after all, we'll always be."

 ** _24th of April, 1995_**

After dropping of Dan the next morning at kindergarten, he decided to take Jenny in het stroller and take her for a walk downtown. He tried clearing his head, tried not thinking about having a son for a bit. He wasn't really succeeding though. His life had become so…. Dull. Of course, he loved his children, he loved watching them grow up… But Rufus knew he needed something to put his hands on. Something he could work on, some place he could spend his time.

He stopped when he passed a small parcel that was for rent. Rufus looked at it, his mind wandering off to what he could use it for. He could turn it into a coffee shop. Or a tiny restaurant serving his famous chili. Or…. An art gallery.

Rufus searched his pockets, glad to find a pen and some paper before scrabbling down the phone number behind the glass of the door. Perhaps this could be something he could put his hands on. 

* * *

The rest of Rufus' day had been tough. Dan had gotten sick in kindergarten, and he had picked him up a little after eleven. In between taking care of Jenny and feeding her, he had been cleaning up Dan's vomit, bringing him cold washcloths to cool him down and trying to get his mind off of things by reading for him. It was now nine in the evening and he was completely exhausted. Dan was sleeping, finally, and so was Jenny.

As Rufus dropped himself on the couch with a beer, he realized he had almost picked up the phone to call Lily. Tell her about his day, about the space he had found in Brooklyn, about Dan being sick… Why wouldn't he call her? Rufus knew he missed her. He was quite frankly longing for her, for her touch, for her presence… He was constantly battling himself, wondering if he should go be with her and work things out together, or work things out on his own. He sighed; maybe calling would be a good idea. He made his way over to the phone before changing his mind and dialed her number.

"Lily Rhodes." The sounds of her voice caused a small joilt in his belly. How he loved her voice.

"Lil, hey it's me."

"Rufus!" He could hear she was surprised, and tried to sound at least a little bit upbeat.

"Hi. I eh… I was thinking about you. Well, I've been thinking about you most of the time, but eh… I wanted to call you."

He could hear she was smiling at least a little bit when she said: "I'm glad you did… Are you okay? Or, well… Remotely okay?"

Rufus couldn't help but smile. Being okay had become so irrelevant these last days. Of course, things were okay. As far as they could be without their son. "Well, yeah, I am okay… Remotely okay." He chuckled lightly before adding: "It was just… It was a busy day. I eh, I was in Brooklyn, I saw an emty storage parcel… I was thinking about renting it. I could maybe start a gallery there, an art gallery… I've been, you know, wanting something for myself. Maybe this would be nice."

"That sounds great, Rufus!" He could tell Lily was genuinly excited for him. "I think it's a great idea. It will give you, you know, something to work on that you love, some place to spend time… It would be some place you'd love, I'm sure about that. I think it's a great idea."

"Thanks… I eh…. I just, you know… I wanted to share it with you, wanted to know your thoughts." He got himself comfortable; this was nice. Just… Talking to her like they used to.

"I'm glad you wanted to tell me… And as I said, I think it's wonderful."

They were silent for a while. Rufus could hear her breaths on the other end of the line, and he knew she was probably having an inner debate about what to say or what to talk about. It was therefor that he said: "I had to pick up Dan from kindergarten today. He's sick… He's been vomiting all day."

"Oh no… Poor boy, is he okay?"

"Yeah, he will be. I guess he's caught a bit of the flue. But, honestly, Lil, it was so disgusting, all that vomit… All the freakin' time!" Rufus loved when he heard an honest chuckle on the other end of the line. "Rufus, that's what kids do sometimes. He can't help being ill."

"I just wish he'd vomit in the bucket instead of on my carpet."

Another loud chuckle escaped from Lily's lips; it was so good to hear. "Oh Rufus… Is he still throwing up?"

"No… He's asleep now. I think a good night rest will do him good."

"Hmm yes.. Me too."

Their silence was actually comfortable for a bit before Rufus said: "I eh….. I'm glad we could talk like this for a bit, Lil."

"Yeah… Me too. How… How are you feeling? Like, really feeling?"

Rufus blurted out what he'd been thinking before he actually realized. "I'm just constantly thinking about whether I want to spend my time with you while figuring things out or want to do that on my own. I…. I do miss you."

"I miss you too. You know… I'll let you be for a bit. If you feel like being with me, you should call."

"You know what…. How about breakfast tomorrow?" Perhaps this was a bit too much. Perhaps it was a bit impulsive. But Rufus did want to see her badly. Rufus could hear her doubt on the other end of the line as she said: "Well, I eh….. I promised to meet Will for lunch, discuss some… Stuff. How about dinner?"

The idea of Lily meeting William for breakfast made his blood boil, though Rufus knew he wasn't being fair. He was the father of her children after all. Of two of her children at least. "Dinner will be good, Lil. Have you… Have you talked to your mother after all the… You know, events?"

Lily sighed out loud. "No… I can't really…. I just really can't deal with her right now, I don't want to deal with her right now. But ehm… I guess we can talk about that tomorrow, if that's okay?"

"Of course. I'll see you tomorrow, Lil."

"I'll see you tomorrow Rufus. I love you." He could hear she'd actually blurted that last part out without thinking, and she immediately started apologizing. "I'm… I'm sorry, Rufus, I eh… I can understand you really don't feel like…"

"It's okay, honey… It's okay. I eh…. I love you too, Lil. I'll see you tomorrow."

 _Note: So, bit shorter than most of my chapters but, well, SO MANY EMOTIONS in this chapter. Figured it was appropriate to end here. Please let me know how you felt about it! XO_


	23. Keys

_Note: Hi guys! Started missing me already ;) ? I know updates aren't coming as quickly as they used to, but, well, I've been having so little time to write lately and got all caught up in writing for Our Glory Days as well that, oh well, things just didn't go as fast as they used to. Hope you won't enjoy this chapter less because of it though. Enjoy! XO._

 **Chapter 22: Keys**

 ** _25th of April, 1995_**

Rufus knew he was late; he had promised Lily to be at her place around seven. It was now 15 minutes past seven, and he was getting annoyed. Alison had promised to come to his loft and stay with Dan and Jenny while he was out, but it appeared she had changed her mind about that. He was about to call Lily when he heard the doorbell ring, finding a flushed Alison behind the door as he opened it.

"Al…"

She rushed inside passed him. "I'm sorry I'm late, Rufus, traffic was a disaster and I eh…. I had to pick up some snacks for the night." Alison held up a brown paper bag with a familiar design. Rufus couldn't help but chuckle; she'd picked up doughnuts, the ones they used to eat together. They both loved those. "I wish I could stay Al, those really are my favorites…"

"Bet Lily doesn't get those for you, huh." Alison innocently looked at him, though Rufus knew she was trying to get to him. He just smiled though. "Listen, I have to go. Thanks for being her tonight, I appreciate it."

Alison shrugged. "Sure. You eh…. You think you guys are going to be okay?"

It was now Rufus' turn to shrug. "I…. I don't know. I hope we will." Rufus could sense a sadness coming over Alison, though she tried to hide it quickly. "I hope you guys will be okay as well, Rufus. Now go!"

He grabbed his coat with a smile. "Thanks Al, I'll see you later tonight!" 

* * *

Lily was growing impatient. The candles were already burning, the food had already been delivered…. Was Rufus going to bail on her? She sighed, her glass of wine in front of her as she sat at the kitchen table on her own. Lily had been eager to see Rufus all day. She'd dressed up all nice, an emerald green silk blouse with a simple black jeans and her black Louboutins. She'd kept her hair down and her make-up natural, knowing Rufus liked it like that, though she had put a dark berry color on her lips. She was feeling it had all been for nothing though; it was almost half past seven.

Her impatience was winning her over as she made her way to the phone, dialing Rufus' number.

"Humphrey residence, hello!"

Lily felt her mouth getting dry. This was Alison's voice. Why was she in the loft?

"Eh… Alison, hi, it… It's Lily."

"Oh."

Both women were silent for a while before Lily felt as if calling Rufus had been a bad idea. He probably would show up. She scraped her throat before she said: "I eh, you know what, nevermind, I'm sorry for calling."

Lily was about to end the call when she heard Alison say: "He's on his way, Lily. I'm sure he'll be there in a bit." Lily wasn't sure if she was trying to be nice, or annoyed, or both. But he was on his way, and that was a good thing. "Thanks, Alison. I appreciate it."

"Sure. Bye."

Alison hung up on her before Lily could, and though speaking to Alison had been strange, Lily mainly felt relieved. Rufus was coming.

The elevator beeps were heard almost ten minutes later, and Lily felt a joilt of relief in her body. Rufus was there!

"Rufus!" Lily made her way over to the elevator, her smile fading as she noticed it was William standing in front of her. "Oh.."

"Lily, hey!" William seemed oblivious to her calling out for Rufus as he touched her shoulder and kissed her cheek. "I wanted to see how you were doing."

Lily frowned. It definitely was nice of William to check up on her, but he could've just called…. "I'm okay, thanks."

He scrapde his throat. "I eh…. I was with your mother this afternoon. She feels terrible about the entire situation."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Why are you defending her, William? She doesn't feel anything except joy. She loved me and Rufus having a fight, I'm sure she hopes we will never reconcile."

"Lily, she wants you to be happy. You do look good, by the way." William looked at her, a small smile on his lips. Lily shook her head; he was trying to charm her up once again.

"Will… Thanks for checking on me, it's sweet. But…. I kind of have an appointment."

As if on cue, the elevator once again brought someone up and Rufus walked in, a rose in his hand. The sight of him made Lily melt. "Lil, I'm so sorry I…." When Rufus noticed William though, he turned silent. "Oh, Will…."

"Will was just about to leave." Lily looked at him, her eyes big as she hoped William understood her hint. William seemed slightly dissapointed, but nevertheless said: "I am. I eh, I'll talk to you later Lily, take care." He simply nodded at Rufus before taking off again, leaving Rufus behind slightly confused.

Lily moved closer to him, her hand on his shoulder as she said: "Hey… Sorry about that, I don't know why he got here either."

Rufus was about to argue that, telling her that he knew perfectly fine what William was doing there. He had a feeling William was definitely trying to win Lily over again, and he didn't like it one bit though. Rufus decided to let it slip though; Lily seemed to be telling him the truth. "It's okay. Hey…" He held a red rose in front of her before murmuring: "I'm sorry I'm late… I eh, I brought you this."

He handed her the rose and Lily smiled. "That is so sweet, Rufus… Thank you." They stood awkwardly in front of each other. Lily wanted to kiss him. She just wasn't sure if he wanted her to. They had been staring at each other for a while, eyes locked, until Rufus murmured: "I eh… I love your lipstick."

A small smile appeared on her lips. "Thank you."

Rufus couldn't help himself; she looked so good. He momentoraly forgot about their issues as he felt his hand sneaking around her waist. He pulled her closer to him before saying: "I think you'll have to reapply soon though."

Kissing him felt as if she was brought back to life again. His lips against hers felt so good, so perfect. His hands on her body felt like a perfect fit. Lily wasn't sure what that particular kiss meant, but just being able to share a kiss made her feel so good. Everything was not lost, apparently.

Their kiss only lasted for a short while, but both were flushed by the time it ended. Lily chuckled as she stared at Rufus. "You're now rocking a berry shade on your lips as well."

"I'm sure it looks great."

"Of course it does."

They made their way over to the kitchen as Rufus threw off his leather jacket and tried getting rid of the lipstick stains. He was surprised to find the table all set up, candles burning and the lights all dimmed. Lily had never been the romantic one out of them, which was why he considered it even sweeter of her to do this. "It looks nice, Lil." She blushed lightly, causing him to smile before he added: "You didn't make a homecooked meal though, did you?"

Lily glared at him before she said: "Of course not, I know better than to even try that."

She took out the food, that she'd put in the oven while waiting for Rufus so it wouldn't get cold, while Rufus sat down and plainly stared at her. It felt as if he hadn't seen her for days and despite his mixed feelings about their current situation, he was overwelmed with the amount of love he felt.

Lily shyly took Rufus' plate and her own as she plated up the food. She had ordered Vietnamese food to Rufus' delight. Lily wasn't sure what to say; Rufus being quiet caught her slightly off guard. She then grabbed a bottle of wine, planning on filling both her own and Rufus' glass as she said: "You can say something, you know. This silence makes me… Nervous."

"Oh." Rufus shrugged, noticing Lily looking a bit tense as he said: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I was eh… I was just enjoying… You."

Lily couldn't help but smile. "Oh. Well, in that case, I'll forgive you." She winked at him before taking a seat of her own. "Rufus, I eh…"

"Hey." He put his hand on hers before saying: "Why don't we enjoy dinner first? We eh…. We should talk, afterwards…. But I'd like to just have dinner with you first…. If that's okay with you."

His hand was still on hers as Lily quietly nodded. "That's okay." She took a breath before saying: "So…. Tell me about your plans for a gallery?" 

* * *

Their dinner had been good and sweet, and both Lily and Rufus had actually been able to enjoy each other's company without any restraints. Rufus had just finished putting the dishes in the dishwasher and Lily had brought their glasses and a bottle of wine back to the couch, waiting for Rufus to join her.

She smiled as she sat down, removing her Louboutins from her feet. She loved them, but she had to admit being able to put her feet on the couch was an even better feeling.

"No, not the heels!"

She chuckled as Rufus sat down next to her, a small pout on his lips as he added: "I love them on you."

"Yes, I love them on me too. But this is so much more comfortable." Lily lifted her feet up to tuck them underneath her, but felt a small pang of electricity going through her body as Rufus instead took her feet in his hands and put them on his lap.

They sat in silence for a few seconds before Rufus said: "Have you talked to your mother yet?" Lily shook her head. "No… Will eh… He told me she feels terrible about the situation."

Rufus huffed, making Lily chuckle. "I know, I know… I'm not so sure about that either. It's weird, knowing that she's okay with doing something like that in hopes of breaking us apart. She can be so…. Evil." Rufus nodded as he mindlessly needed her feet before saying: "I can imagine… Although I do think you should've never given her the opportunity to keep such a secret."

Lily shot him a look. "I've told you already how sorry I am about that…"

"I know, I'm sorry… It slipped before I could even think about it. I've been thinking about us, the last couple of days." Lily stared into his dark eyes as she quietly replied: "Me too." She bit her lip before adding: "I…. I know this is pulling a string on us. I know I've made a mistake, and I most definitely wish I could turn back time and do it all different. But I can't. We can only look at our future, and I want our future tob e together. We've been having such a wonderful time together. I… I refuse to let our lives get back to what they were before we found each other again, Rufus. I… I feel like all greatness in my life began with you. I love my children, they… They are my world and I love them to death. But you… You're my other half. I don't want to live without you anymore, I just refuse to."

Their hands were still united as Lily spoke, looking right into Rufus' eyes as she did. He just nodded before saying: "I…. I agree with everything you just said. I love you, Lil. It's just… It's so hard for me to realise there's a child out there growing up without us as his parents. It hurts, knowing he's out there, and… And that we're not able to find him."

Lily bit her lip. "I know… I feel the same way, honestly, I do."

Rufus removed her legs from his lap, putting them back on the ground before putting his arm around her and pulling her closer. Lily let her head rest on his chest immediately, his body heat surroundig her like a warm bath. He kissed her hair before saying: "I know you do. I…. I guess we can always hope… Hope he'll want to find us once he's older." Lily tried not to let a tear drop as she said: "I hope so too."

 ** _27th of April, 1995_**

"Can I watch?"

"No, no, I'll drop my hands whenever you can."

Lily chuckled as she hugged Rufus from behind, her hands covering his eyes. She hoped he'd be as excited about her surprise as she was. Lily had seen how excited Rufus had been about his idea of opening a gallery. The rent of the condo however had been a little up on his budget. Lily knew Rufus wasn't necesarily appreciative of her paying stuff for him, which was why she hoped he wouldn't feel weird about the gift she was about to show him.

She stopped them both when they reached the kitchen counter and said: "Okay, you can watch!" Lily dropped her hands and made her way over to stand on his side, eyeing him excitedly as he was trying to see what he was looking for.

Rufus' eyes rested when he noticed a key on the counter. He raised his eyebrow before looking at Lily: "You're giving me the key of your loft?"

"Well, don't be too excited." Lily chuckled before adding: "But no, it's not that."

Rufus was desperately trying to think of what else Lily could possibly give him a key. He bit his lip as he looked at her with his best puppy eyes: "A little help, Lil?"

She smiled. "I eh… I eh kind of bought you your gallery."

Rufus' mouth dropped. She had done what? "Lil… Are you serious?"

A small grin appeared on her face as Lily said: "I know it's a lot and I know it's big but you were so excited about it… It, it's yours, the contract, everything, I'll put it on your name. Just… Without the cost."

"Lil…" Rufus smiled at her as he took her hand. It was sweet, of course it was. But it was so much, too much, actually. "I…. Thank you.. It's sweet and great but….It's too much, really."

"Don't be silly. I want to give you this… I don't want you to worry about paying rent… It's your gallery now, my money is your money… Our money. Please… I want you to have something you love, something ou can work on and make your own."

"Don't you think part of that on my own thing is paying for it myself?" Rufus put one of his arms around Lily before pulling her closer. He could've gotten angry with her. Things were just getting better though, and, in all honesty, Rufus thought it was adorable. Lily seemed so excited for him, so enthusiastic about him having his own project. Lily pouted slightly as she said: "Maybe… But, you know, you can pay for everything else. The interior, insurances…. Everything." She winked before adding: "If… If you really want to, I'll sell it again. Maybe I should've discussed it with you first, I just… I was so excited for you, I just…"

"Hey, hey!" Rufus let go of the hand he'd been holding and put his hand on her mouth, chuckling before saying: "It's so sweet, Lil. Thank you… I appreciate it very much, and I think it's great…. Thank you."

He kissed her lips sweetly. "Thank you, beautiful."

Lily smiled at him. "You're very welcome, my darling."

Rufus pulled her even closer, their bodies touching all over before he whispered: "I think I should thank you appropriately."

"Oh, wat did you have in mind?" Lily let her hand slide down his back, resting it on his ass as he leaned in and said in her ear: "Hmm, I can think of something." He kissed her neck and Lily moaned immediately.

It had been a while since Rufus and her had been this close, this affactionate towards each other. "Ah, you feel so good…"

He bit the skin on her neck gently before replying: "You too." He looked at her for a second before kissing her again, a little less gently this time. They didn't waste any time on kissing sweetly as their tongues started dueling immediately. Her hands were touching him everywhere, trying desperately to touch his skin. Rufus could already feel his member grow and he moaned into her mouth before suddenly lifting her up in a smooth motion.

"Rufus!" She let out a little scream in surprise as Rufus puth er on the counter, standing in between her legs before attacking her lips again. Lily's hands squeezed his ass.

"Mommy?" Serena's little voice made Rufus jump as Lily quickly pushed him aside. Perhaps this was a bit too much PDA for a little girl.

"Ho.. Honey, hey, why aren't you asleep?" Lily quickly got off the counter while trying to straighten her clothes as she made her way over to her daughter. Rufus meanwhile tried to get rid of his hard member that was causing a slight pain in his jeans.

"Hi Rufus!" Serena excitedly waved at him, Rufus awkwardly waving back. He never thought getting caught by a four year old would be this awkward.

"I couldn't sleep, mommy. I saw this shadow in my room, I got scared, I thought it was a monster."

"Oh honey…" Lily picked hup her daughter, hugging her before saying: "How about we go scare that monster away?"

Serena nodded heavily. "Yes! Maybe Rufus can help too?"

Lily looked over at Rufus and couldn't help but chuckle. He looked so… Awkward. Cheeks flustered, a little part of his pants that seemed to fit a little too tightly… She had a smug look on her face as she said: "I think that is a great idea, honey. You're coming, Rufus?"

Rufus really didn't feel like walking. Disappointing Serena really wasn't an option though. He wiggled his eyebrows as he made his way over to the girl, tickling her slightly to make her giggle before saying: "Let's get rid of that silly monster!"

 ** _2nd of May, 1995_**

The phone rang and Lily absent mindedly walked over to it to answer. It was ten in the morning. Serena was in kindergarten, Eric was out with the maid, who had offered to go get some groceries. Lily figured it was Rufus calling from the gallery. He had been there pretty much non-stop the last couple of days, trying to figure out how to set things up, trying to find painters in need of a place to exhibit their work…. He was so excited about it all, which in turn made Lily equally excited.

"Lily Rhodes."

"Darling, it's me."

Lily immediately recognized the voice on the other end of the line and she sighed. "Mother, hello. I would've called if I wanted to talk to you."

"It's been so long since I've seen you though, I really think we should talk about the ehm… Events, of lately.'

It wasn't odd for a mother to want to talk to her daughter, Lily was very much aware of that. She had known Celia Rhodes all her life though. Lily knew telling about her and Rufus' child had been a set-up plan, in hopes of getting rid of Rufus. Lily did wish she had a normal mother. A mother who cared less about status and more about love. CeCe wouldn't change though. She never would. Her mother was obviously thinking she was taking too long to reply as she added: "I've been talking to William, he agrees we should make up, Lilian."

Lily grumbled. "Why do you even talk to William that much?"

"He's nice, darling, and the father of your children."

"Mother, listen.." Lily sighed before saying: "I'm quite frankly disgusted with the way you behaved during dinner. It's apparent that you're having a rough time dealing with me and Rufus being together instead of me and William, but it's my life, my choice. You had no right to bring up the baby and you can deny all you want but we both know you did it on purpose. I' so over you trying to direct my life. I'm done, mother. If you ever think you can stop trying to be in control of my life, perhaps we have a chance. If not, I'm done."

Lily didn't even give her mother a chance to reply again as she clicked on the red button of her phone; end of conversation. This had felt good. Her mother probably wouldn't be too pleased with her, but Lily honestly couldn't care less. She needed to turn some things around, and her mother was one of them. Rufus was her key to happiness. Rufus and their children. Their family. Her mother had stolen a couple of years of them already. It had brought them both their children, for which Lily was eternally grateful. But she wasn't going to let her mother prevent her from spending the rest of her life with Rufus. Never. 

* * *

"So, she bought you this, huh? It looks nice. For a Brooklyn gallery that is, of course."

Rufus recognized the voice immediately and turned around. He sighed, knowing he had to be polite while all he truly wanted to do was smash the face in front of him with the hammer he was currently holding in his hand.

"Will! To what do I owe this pleasure?" He put the hammer on the nearest table as a precaution. Just in case William would really annoy the shit out of him. It was probably best to not hold a hammer when that happened.

"I figured I'd pay you a visit, see how you've been doing after that horrible dinner. But you and Lily seem to be fine… Or was this gallery a way for her to buy your love back?"

The smug look on William's face made Rufus cringe. God, that man was so annoying. Rufus had known his polite and friendly behavior towards him had been an act, and was actually pleased to see that suspision confirmed right now. Rufus rolled his eyes as he said: "Don't bother, Will. Lil and I are fine, thank you very much. Now, are you interested in buying or exhibiting art? If not, I suggest you leave."

Rufus turend around, planning on continuing his final decorations of the gallery as he heard William say: "You know she's using you, right? Lily loves getting under her mother's skin and she knows being with you is what makes her mother go nuts. She'll get bored of you eventually, it's only a matter of time."

Rufus' blood started to boil and he suddenly dropped the hammer. He marched his way back to where William was standing as he hissed: "You don't know shit about me and Lily. You have no right to speak about her in that way. Leave. Now."

A chuckle escaped from William's lips. "No need to get all frisky, my friend."

"Oh, you're most definitely not my friend. Leave, Will. I'm serious."

The two men looked at each other for a second. Rufus loathed the man, he honestly did. William eventually sighed before saying: "I'll get her back, Rufus. She'll get bored of you, and will end up with me, eventually. Mark my words."

He fled before Rufus got the chance to either punch him in the face or yell insults at him. Rufus knew William was trying to get under his skin. Rufus didn't want to admit it, but deep down, he knew it was working at least a little bit.


End file.
